Day 17...
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US
Posts: 38
Day 17...
Day 17.
I have to admit this has been a tough weekend for me. Holiday weekend. Friday evening I came home from work and fought the addiction demons minute by minute, and made it through. Yesterday was the worst day for me so far.
My wife's daughter and kids were here for the majority of the day. I love the kids, even though they're not flesh and blood they're my grand-kids
Anyway long story short, I was out working in the garage, finished what I was doing and getting ready to mow the lawn, which takes a while since we have 2+ acres. I walked up on my deck to tell my wife something and she and her daughter were both sitting there drinking mixed drinks! My jaw dropped. I could smell the alcohol while I was just standing there. It's funny how hypersensitive my sense of smell has gotten to alcohol, 3 weeks ago I would have never noticed it.
My first thought was are you f'in kidding me??? A wave of emotions flew through me, beginning with anger which I did not let show, then to "I gotta have a drink". I hopped on my riding mower and prayed while white-knuckling it the whole time. My addictive voice kicked in full force and telling me every reason I needed to drink. I did make it through, but I cannot explain just how close I was to jumping in my truck and taking a ride to the store. To the point of being on the verge of tears...
Later I explained to my wife how her having a drink made me feel. I tried to compare it to a heroin addict sitting around watching others do heroin. Not sure she understands since she knows nothing about addiction. She apologized profusely but am I wrong to feel that way? I mean should she have to change her life and do without because of me? Should I expect that? She has always been a moderate drinker, rarely ever having any during the week and only occasionally on the weekends. And she is fully supportive of me.
I have had some sober time in my life. Two years from 2000 - 2002. I am also a recovering drug addict and have been clean since 2000. That's still a work in progress and always will be.
Anyway, just felt that I needed to get this off my chest this morning. Thanks for being my sounding board! God bless!
I have to admit this has been a tough weekend for me. Holiday weekend. Friday evening I came home from work and fought the addiction demons minute by minute, and made it through. Yesterday was the worst day for me so far.
My wife's daughter and kids were here for the majority of the day. I love the kids, even though they're not flesh and blood they're my grand-kids
Anyway long story short, I was out working in the garage, finished what I was doing and getting ready to mow the lawn, which takes a while since we have 2+ acres. I walked up on my deck to tell my wife something and she and her daughter were both sitting there drinking mixed drinks! My jaw dropped. I could smell the alcohol while I was just standing there. It's funny how hypersensitive my sense of smell has gotten to alcohol, 3 weeks ago I would have never noticed it. My first thought was are you f'in kidding me??? A wave of emotions flew through me, beginning with anger which I did not let show, then to "I gotta have a drink". I hopped on my riding mower and prayed while white-knuckling it the whole time. My addictive voice kicked in full force and telling me every reason I needed to drink. I did make it through, but I cannot explain just how close I was to jumping in my truck and taking a ride to the store. To the point of being on the verge of tears...
Later I explained to my wife how her having a drink made me feel. I tried to compare it to a heroin addict sitting around watching others do heroin. Not sure she understands since she knows nothing about addiction. She apologized profusely but am I wrong to feel that way? I mean should she have to change her life and do without because of me? Should I expect that? She has always been a moderate drinker, rarely ever having any during the week and only occasionally on the weekends. And she is fully supportive of me.
I have had some sober time in my life. Two years from 2000 - 2002. I am also a recovering drug addict and have been clean since 2000. That's still a work in progress and always will be.
Anyway, just felt that I needed to get this off my chest this morning. Thanks for being my sounding board! God bless!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by BuddyW62 
She apologized profusely but am I wrong to feel that way? I mean should she have to change her life and do without because of me? Should I expect that? She has always been a moderate drinker, rarely ever having any during the week and only occasionally on the weekends. And she is fully supportive of me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US
Posts: 38
Thanks Sapling. I feel that way as well. I don't expect for her to change her ways for me, it just kind of shocked me initially. It's something that I'll have to learn to deal with as life goes on.
I have to say one more thing. She is the best wife in the world, and would go to the ends of the Earth for me. I'm blessed for having found her.
I have to say one more thing. She is the best wife in the world, and would go to the ends of the Earth for me. I'm blessed for having found her.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by BuddyW62
It's something that I'll have to learn to deal with as life goes on.
I have to say one more thing. She is the best wife in the world, and would go to the ends of the Earth for me. I'm blessed for having found her.
I have to say one more thing. She is the best wife in the world, and would go to the ends of the Earth for me. I'm blessed for having found her.
Keep on keepin' on.
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