aeo1313

I am so miserable. Just talked to my sponsor and just keep crying. Called my husband to try and explain how I feel and he doesn't understand and just makes me feel worse. What if all I am is a depressed woman forever? I want to give up. On everything. I will not drink but if I could run away and hide I would in a minute. As it is I'm walking and crying and people must wonder

Sapling

Try this aeo...Sit down and write a gratitude list...Write a list of things that you are thankful for. Start with having five fingers on each hand...Five toes on each foot. Having two arms and two legs...And just keep listing things you are thankful for...I do that when I'm down...It turns my head around. Try it. List 20 things.

scrambled2012

I"m so sorry that you are having a hard time of things; These feelings won't last forever aeo. This too shall pass. Remember, everything really does look better after a full nights sleep.

Be good to you~~~~~

Threshold

You are a strong insightful honest woman who is taking responsibility for her life so she can be the best she can be for herself, spouse, kids, and friends.

Yeah, probably depressed and "lost" for a little while, but those are tears of strength and courage along with some fear and sadness.

aeo1313

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I am so scared this is how the rest of my life will be. Having trouble being in the moment. At a meeting yesterday a guy said to keep your head where your hands are. I will try. I feel so alone and reading your responses helps. Feels like you are next to me

Sapling

We are aeo...Write the list.

aeo1313

Ok going into the note section of my iphone

2granddaughters

This is part of the reason many of us need 90 meetings in 90 days.

All the best... as stated earlier, this too shall pass.

Bob R

Dee74

Very few of us would stay sober if it stayed the way it was in the early days A.
It does get better - trust us on that.

This is a cathartic moment - you're entering a new chapter...it's normal to be emotional I think

D

debsam

We're here Aeo

You may not know it right now, by you expressing yourself whether it be the situation with the I-pod or simply the fact that you feel so overwhelmed at the moment, is a huge step to learning how to eventually cope better. You're reaching out....trying to find answers.

When you stop reaching....that's the real worry.

I agree 100% with Sapling on the gratitude list. I do it myself.

What number ya at?

Huge hugs being sent your way

sugarbear1

It's just an emotional roller coaster for now, and it DOES change!

Just a year ago, well, really less than that, things really started to work out for me and I had lost everything that meant anything to me! If my life can get better, I KNOW yours can, too. Ride the coaster, and remember feelings change a lot. You can get through this!!

HUGS,

Sapling

Don't forget the condo and the pool....And the lake.

Anna

Yeah, the early days were really emotional for me. I felt very vulnerable and unsure about myself and my relationships. It took some time to feel comfortable. Try to remember that this is a journey and the way you feel today will not be the way you feel next week or next month or next year.

aeo1313

I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for all of you. I have been more honest in my posts the last few days than I ever have. These are things I have never talked about. Fears that have plagued me for years and years. My heart feels a little lighter now.

Sapling

Beautiful aeo.....Beautiful.

aeo1313

Granted, I don't know you all in my "real" life, but I shared what is so awful about me and got back only love and compassion. The sky didn't fall. Maybe in time I will be ok.

sugarbear1

Breathe deeply and slowly. Take in the beauty that surrounds you. Revel in the peace and serenity. Soon enough you will also feel this way, too.

snoopy87

I really feel for you aeo! I have 19 months and in the beginning I was crying or misty eyed most of the time. I covered up soooo much with vodka that whe I finally stopped, not only was my body screaming from a cellular level; my psyche was like a pissed off gremlin pushed into sunlight.. I just wanted it to stop..wanted to sleep..all the time. I finally decided to give myself a break and honor my pain. Not swim or wallow in it, but honor it by beginning to dig into my soul while being gentle with myself so that I could stop feeling like a pathetic shaky shell of a person without my booze. This is what I had to do and am still doing to begin embracing and then releasing the bondage of self. I began to listen to people who have done this before me, I took some healthy risks and opened up to other alcoholics. I took hot baths, read the big book, and went to as many meetings as possible. I certainly dont float around with pink wings and sprinkle fairy dust because life really pisses me off sometimes and some days I just want to punch random people in the face. But, in time, I began to understand myself more, and Im figuring out HOW I am unique and what I like and dislike. and when my emotions overtake me, I try to take care of myself with rest, good food, a walk, a friend. So please hang in there. You seem so genuine and kind and deserve a happy life

debsam

Atta girl Aeo,

This thread is a perfect example of the beauty of SR.

"Strangers" helping each other...and yet very much connected.

Sapling

Welcome to SR snoopy87...That's a great post.