Endofline

How is it possible to love someone who doesn't love you. Clearly his actions prove that nothing matters to him but getting his drugs. Ruining lives hurting peoples feelings spending all our money none of that matters to him. I would have never allowed anyone to treat me this way before on my life. Why is it with him the person that has hurt me the most I always forgive? Maybe it's because the say it's a disease and that they can't help themselves,so I don't want to abandon a person who is sick. Then I think well if he is sick why can he always manage to get his drugs no matter who it hurts. He is smRt and cunning and to most people charsmatic. I look like the crazy bitch who he needs to get away from and then he will be ok and his life will be calm and normal. But the truth is I am the only adult in this relationship and it's so unfair. I think of the days before this prescription drug use started and we were so close and shared everything and I long for those days. I know there are nice people out there and I should try to move on with my life, but I don't want to be with anyone else I want the man I fell in love with to want to quit and have our life back. Doesn't that ever happen? Why can't I let go?

suki44883

To be honest, it is only a small percentage of addicts who embrace recovery and go on to live productive lives. Many of those have had to lose everything and everyone dear to them before they finally reach their bottom.

At this point, you haven't yet hit your own bottom. You haven't yet had enough hurt and pain and abuse. When you reach that point, you will embrace your own recovery. It might be that only one of you will recover.

hope213

welcome to S.R. i think the reason we can not let go is be cause we think we can fix them. i really love the person they use to be. it has taken a lot of work & a lot of pratice to let go of my addicts & not let them run me. i am speaking mainly of my son but also my grandson. i was always so guilty & thought it was my fault. today i know it is not. i did not Cause it, i can not Control it & i can not Cure it. those are the 3'c. i have mastered that &with it i have found a lot of peace. keep coming back.

grayduchess

I feel your pain I can only hope we both find our way. This is a good place with good people. Perhaps, here and with an HP we can find the strength to move on with life...

Vale

When the US Coast Guard goes far out to sea to rescue people,they do so in
Ships,Boats,and sometimes aircraft worth tens of millions of dollars.Their training
is hard and demanding and the weak,unintelligent,and/or unfit are weeded out via a never
ending series of undergrad/postgrad/recurrent training & evaluation events.
There are very specific and inflexible SOP's that if violated means loss of professional
status/quals/wings/etc.There is ZERO tolerance for "hero/cowboys".

My attempts to "rescue" an addict had NONE of those qualifiers.And I most
CERTAINLY knew better than to step into a world class varsity game.......with not
even rec. league skills.

The lapse of judgement that I showed getting involved in this sordid little mess
is thankfully one that will remain forever secret......except for those helpful souls of
SR who helped me face a truth that NEEDED to be faced.

Compassion is noble and good. Compassion without discipline is just like jumping
into a riptide to save your friend at the beach......and the end result (2 dead bodies
instead of 1) is as predictable as night following day.

Knowing all this on day 1 of a 3 year odyssey.......why did I even try?

I don't know.I suppose because I wanted to believe what I wanted to
believe.A trait I have always been so contemptuous of in others.Maybe I
just needed refresher training in humility.

Katiekate

Hi, I love this post, I'm sorry for your pain, Each question you posted, I had an answer too. He does the things he does because he is sick, he is an addict, that is what they do, their lives are consumed by their addiction, the man you feel in love with is gone to his disease. Why do I stay, why do I forgive, because I am sick too, I am co dependant, I allow the manipulation and the abuse of myself, because I am a very sick person, I have been beaten so far down and feel so crappy about myself that I believe that this is better than nothing. I am listening to his sickness. If I keep listening I may as well be the one drinking a fifth every night, or swallowing mega doses of pills, passing out on the bathroom floor and chocking on my own vomit. Once I am in enought pain, maybe just maybe I will decide to save myself. Maybe I will listen to the people who love me and walk away from this disease that surely will kill me emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritiually. I have a choice, I'm betting on my own recovery, the big difference between he and I is that I am not using, my head is clear , he can feel like crap all he wants, I'm not going to anymore.

Every question you asked I asked myself, and I answered, you have given me such a gift this morning. You have no idea.

Take your life back, you deserve so much more, and so do I.

love to you Katie xo

lesliej

sometimes, at the beautiful age of 48, I like to look back over the landscape of my life...and then cast an eye down the road toward my future horizon.

I think about all the cool things and great experiences that I have had in the last 25 years.

I think about the enormous amount of hard learning and growth that I have been through in the last 2.5 years with my exABF.

And then I let my imagination have a play date with the open vista of my years ahead.

There is a saying that imagination is foresight...that if you can't imagine something then you can't foresee it. Wake up your imagination! Pull it out of the mildewy, dusty dank closet it has been shoved into...where it hangs out with your self esteem feeling mopey and depressed...and shine some light into your soul!

There are lots and lots and lots of people and programs and workshops and books and tapes and online sites that are there to help you do this. Living the life of a codependent will suck you dry like a bag o dusty bones.

It's your life. You get to start making the steps toward living it. Wake up...and let others help you wake up even more!

Vale

One day at a time....but I think we have a quote of the month, courtesy of lesliej
----"living the life of a codependent will suck you dry like a bag 'o dusty bones"

(I WAS that bag ----- trying to 'save' an addict.........but have since rehydrated!)

Viva H2O!!