webber1

Have any of you Experience this ???

Hello to everyone..

As from my previous posts I have left my AH partner after relapasing twice after a 3 month stint in Rehab...

I threatened that unless she went we were over and she agreed not just for that but it was essential she got back on track.. All her stuff is in my house ...

This time I noticed a completely different attitude in that there was a subtle undertone where somehow I had made it to easy for her... ?????? That somehow it was my fault that she didnt go to meetings, didnt do anything rehab asked of her and her replasing well wasnt really her fault.

I was informed that they recommend her moving interstate to help her.. I find it facinating - I realized recovery came first, no booze in house, encouraged her to attend meetings etc and i would of thought exposure to non ah people who lead positive lives would be helpful.. Now she falls into the trap of falling into a professional AA victim where she wants to take no accountabilty( boundaries) are important and simply lives in a bubble.

I emphasise I dont want to sound harsh here but really theres a commercial reality attached to being linked with a rehab center( not cheap) and a find it interesting that basically they want to hold her hand through her 3rd rehab.

Life go on.. It just reminds me again and again that everything revolves around the AH... Thats why it is a life of pain, anguish and disappointment. For me a could't see anything at the end of the rainbow..

Hopeworks

Addiction as well as crime are two of the most serious and growing problems now facing our culture and both are now huge industries that generate huge amounts of money for drug treatment facilities and pharmaceutical corporate giants.

You can detox and rehab a person a hundred times, you can lock them up in jail or prison for decades but unless they break up with their drug of choice they are just doing time until their next drink.

This is why it is hard... so baffling...so cunning... so sad.

There is no magic formula and every way out is different. Not all rehabs are created equal what works for one may not for another.

All we can do is speak the truth in love as we know it. detach and keep ourselves healthy and don't feed the addiction by enabling.

Take care of yourself and a GOOD addictions counselor is worth their weight in gold.

Buffalo66

Webber,
I am sorry she is not doing well.
She is not ready to be sober.
Alcoholic behavior 101: Blame shifting.

Dont buy into it.

webber1

Thankyou Buffalo66

She was told that the best chances for her recovery was being single and " having a clean slate"

My view- how about do what you were told the 1st time in rehab( 3 months ) and stop blaming your surroundings. Alchohol is alchohol wherever you are..

She stopped going to meetings etc so it was entirely predictable that she replased.

Im frustrated as I can just see a train wreck happening all over again. She went from I love you with all my heart( we have been off-on 5 years) to this..

Tuffgirl

Hi Webber. This sentence resonated with me today. I think she may have a point here, and I have often wondered if my RAH (soon to be Ex) feels the same way underneath, only not about sobriety but about the ease of a new relationship vs. fixing the old one. Having a clean slate = easier to deal with on a daily basis. Not so much work, ya know?

And one other thing - my dear friend, struggling with sobriety right now, said and I quote "I can't imagine being in a relationship with an addict. I would never in a million years want to date me".

Prayers to you today - this sucks I know - but you are learning a lot of things right now, as painful as it is, that will help you in the future.

Take good care,
~T

Taking5

Just so you know, AH = alcoholic husband.

NYCDoglvr

Getting sober is a solitary path that can't be shared with another person. It has to be the #1 priority and if anyone interferes (even inadvertently), then they must be put on the shelf until the addict is on solid footing.

webber1

So they say...

Yes if someone wants to achieve sobriety its there journey no one can do it for them... After she got back meetings etc our relationship was great but there no doubt the sirens song came. Relapsed and what are you meant to do.. Not get in there way of self destruction ?

Then what - theres nothing left at the end of the rainbow. At the age of 38 your life program is pretty hardwired and she faces a near impossible task as we are who we are.. Do people recover ? they say just over 10% never relapse - the greatest mysteries in life are the intangibles of love and hope.

But now I hope for me...

Katiekate

I hope for you too webber!

I'm so sorry, it's so frustrating.