Stopping Our Pain - Language of Letting Go
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Stopping Our Pain - Language of Letting Go
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
—Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
—Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
My wise sponsor told me that recovery was a slow process, never so fast that I would be overwhelmed, but more a series of lessons that would lead me to living my life in a healthier way.
That worked for me because my life had a huge void waiting to be filled...it was the void of time, energy and space that had previously been dedicated to trying to save my son from addiction, even though he did not want to be saved.
It took time for me to even identify my pain, or even myself. I had to get to know that stranger called me, and then figure out how she had become such a sad broken woman.
It hurt, and then it didn't...and then it hurt some more. Growing pains usually do. But it was worth it because in order to heal, I had to walk through the pain and face it head on. I thought it would kill me but what it did was give me my life back again, a life worth living, a life filled with beauty and love and joy and peace. Yes, it was worth it and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.
So don't be afraid of the pain, you will survive. Walk through it, face it, and learn from it...and then live better than you have ever lived before.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
—Beyond Codependency
—Beyond Codependency
Maybe this is God's way of helping us deal with pain. Stuff it away until we can take it out and examine it. Sometimes we can't really even tell what the original source of the pain was because it is so distorted by time.......freezer burn.
I've cleared out my freezer for the most part and am trying to only keep my pain, anger, resentment, etc. in the refridgerator. It expires faster that way. I either have to deal with it or throw it away....or it starts to smell bad.....or worse......grow green fuzz and appear bigger than it actually is.
Thanks for sharing this Ann. I love looking at things from many different angles. One of them is bound to make sense to me sometime.
gentle hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I used to have to dig deep to find my "issues" that needed tending.
More often now, they appear like a jack-in-the-box, just jumping out and startling me when I am not looking. A word, a thought, some small thing will trigger Jack and out he jumps, scaring the beejeepers out of me but most definitely catching my attention.
Sometimes, when I don't feel prepared to deal with what my heart knows I must, I just say a prayer and ask God to give me a quiet time and a quiet mind sometime soon and often by postponing it until I am ready, it becomes much smaller than I originally anticipated.
Pain is our body and mind's way of telling us there is something wrong that needs tending to. Imagine if there was no pain and we broke our leg? We could do serious damage if the pain didn't stop us from walking on it.
It is the same with our mind and emotions, the pain warns us to take pause and think about why we hurt and what we must do to mend.
In that way, pain is our friend. It can be part of the light that leads us, or at least a warning when we begin to head off the path.
Good thoughts here to begin my day.
Hugs
More often now, they appear like a jack-in-the-box, just jumping out and startling me when I am not looking. A word, a thought, some small thing will trigger Jack and out he jumps, scaring the beejeepers out of me but most definitely catching my attention.
Sometimes, when I don't feel prepared to deal with what my heart knows I must, I just say a prayer and ask God to give me a quiet time and a quiet mind sometime soon and often by postponing it until I am ready, it becomes much smaller than I originally anticipated.
Pain is our body and mind's way of telling us there is something wrong that needs tending to. Imagine if there was no pain and we broke our leg? We could do serious damage if the pain didn't stop us from walking on it.
It is the same with our mind and emotions, the pain warns us to take pause and think about why we hurt and what we must do to mend.
In that way, pain is our friend. It can be part of the light that leads us, or at least a warning when we begin to head off the path.
Good thoughts here to begin my day.
Hugs
Last edited by Ann; 05-26-2012 at 09:53 AM.
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