wonderfullife

Hi Everyone,

Quick update. Two great sober days full of exercise and tea. Now for the real topic. I have noticed in many threads and in myself that the greatest struggle is in the critical moment in time that our brains make the decision to quit for good. That might be ending a relapse or a bender, or simply starting the journey as opposed to flirting with it. I have seen some great people here just say, "dump it down the sink now" or "just start now". I think those statements are wonderful words of wisdom from a mind that has taken that next step into true recovery. But for many of us, we need to reach that stage where those words cease to become good advice, and start to mean something more. For instance. I know that I should not drink this weekend. However, I am not confident that I will do that. So clearly I am not ready. This drives me insane. The people on a bender that would rather finish the bottle and start tomorrow. To them, it just makes sense. To someone who has been blessed with the change. To someone who has had the lights turned on, not dumping down the bottle is insane. It seems our greatest battle as active users and well intentioned mentors, is to figure out how to flick that switch for the individual. After all, I have dumped beer down the sink only to be excited two days later to try another beer. I might have had a flashlight, but all the lights need to go on. And for the advice givers. Keep shining that spotlight. Maybe the rest of us will locate our own switch in your light.

Wonder

Sapling

I had to be ready...If you're not done...You're not done....Some of us have to take more of a beating than others.....All you can do is suggest it...They can listen...Or not...The only way I have been sober for almost 11 months...Is I listened to...And followed suggestions.

SOBERINNEPA

SO true.

We don't get better until we're ready. But keep in mind this isn't a game. The consequences are real and, sometimes, permanent.

Sapling

It can kill you...I've had it happen in my family...And almost happen to me. Forget losing everything I had in my life....If you want to call that life.

garyper

I think you know when you are ready. Today I am 21 days dry, and honestly I don't ever remember feeling this good. When work gets stressful, then it's really hard. Me and the wife got really drunk I drove home, next morning I thought damn I could have killed us and what would have happened to the kids, i knew I had to be done, I feel feel good about the decision. I am 42 and been drinking hard since 12. Good luck, be strong.

Weasel1966

Wonder.... Your post was both insightful and compassionate.

I agree. The elders of the board are great at drawing that line and coaxing those on the edge back.

Sometimes others do not see things the same due to their own wounds and post differently the same intent.

What's so great about this board is that we as participants gain from both perspectives.

Just like any advice we should take what we feel we need and leave the rest.


Only this past two weeks have I got in my head that I was not ready. I say I am now. I only hope that I can believe myself. I want to.

Jabbadabutt

You have some good points. I was in denial for years. I poured it out just to buy it again the next day. At the end, I was ready. I knew in my heart that if I continued down the path I was on, I was going to hurt myself or my loved ones in a way that I would regret for the rest of my life. I took a moral inventory, I decided what was truely important in life. I was done trying to do it my way, cause my way was not working. I knew I needed help. However what I found odd way that I was on SR for those years I was in denial. I would live in the cycle and know I needed help, but was not ready. I was a lucky one. I got to that point (of being ready) without doing damage beyond repair. I saw the spotlight shining in my eyes for quite sometime, and closed my eyes to its usefullness.

Dalek

"If you quit, you will quit now."

That's the heading of a section in the Rational Recovery book. It isn't an order, but a statement which may help change your perspective. Events occur only in the present moment, the now, and the only time you can drink/use is now. Similarly, the only time you can quit is now. You may put off quitting, but when you finally do quit, it will still be now, only at a later date. It will never be any easier or any more difficult to quit than right now.

Michael66

Hey Wonderfullife

Yes, the hardest thing for me was facing up to and accepting a future of no beer, and all that was associated with that decision. In the past I was a 'I'll see how I go' type of abstainer, often allowing myself 'nights off' from abstaining with the intention of starting properly 'tomorrow' or 'next week' or 'next month' or 'in the new year'. Off course the interval between the nights off reduced and the amount I drank on the nights off increased until I was back to square one where I might stay for a week or months before giving it another 'I'll see how I go' try.

It's still early days for me (5 weeks) but this time I went in accepting that I wasn't going to drink again in the future. That has, at least so far, given me a very different outlook. The day by day sobriety so far has been much easy than that initial letting go of my old 'friend'. I felt rough and sorry for myself the first couple of weeks, but I had let go. That doesn't mean I'm not on guard each day, and I'm following a 32 week prayer retreat to help me, but I often knew before that I didn't really want to give up beer for life. I do wish I'd come to this 'letting go' a long time ago though.

Anna

I think that I had to know and accept that drinking was no longer an option, ever.

When I allowed that thought, my mind started working on other ways to deal with life.

Sapling

I guess I said that...When I realized I couldn't take it any more.

wonderfullife

Yeah, I know its not a game. Thats why I am on this search to try to figure out how best to turn my own ship around without hitting rock bottom. My grandfather drank like I did. Lived to 75. Died of cancer. I can't help but wonder if he didn't drink if he woud have lived to a healthy 90 and not had that 7 year battle with a body riddled with cancer. My grandmother on the other hand, spun out of control early and curled up with a bottle from morning until night until rehab. she got sober. she is still alive. She hit rock bottom, my grandfather was the steady drunken ship. I would rather not be either one. But again, at this moment, there is a search and rescue party in my brain for the me of long ago that would never have even dreamed of having this conversation. That me would have said "do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound, just put down the booze" Sadly, that me is missing in action but the rescue party has at least been launched.

Yogagirl1969

they say one day at a time..! Just try to have the courage and strength to make it today.. then again tomorrow. I am currently 75 days sober today and I could not have accepted a statement that I am going to be sober for the rest of my life! I take it a day at a time.. and with each day that passes I feel empowered.. people, opportunities and situations happen more positively that you don't want to change your sober "days" for one possible "bad" day.

Sapling

How did your grandmother get sober?...Is she an old time AAer?

Dalek

No doubt. All those people who know they shouldn't be drinking or getting high, and they all do, because they wouldn't be on a recovery forum otherwise, but are putting off quitting, are just delaying the inevitable. They will either:

1. Never quit, live a less productive life, and die a little bit sooner.
   
   
2. Never quit, and die a lot sooner, probably the hard way.
   
   
3. Destroy their lives some more until they decide it isn't worth it.

Better to stop circling the drain and just make up your mind one way or the other.

Luling

I'm still struggling with the idea of "never again." I know it's what I have to do, but I'm pretty good at lying to myself, so I don't know if I believe me yet.

When I posted here for the first time on Monday, I didn't even know if I'd quit then; I just new I wanted to. But then I didn't drink Monday night, and I didn't drink Tuesday either. I know what happens if I take a drink, and I also know I really like waking up in a positive state of mind.

Sapling

That's easier said than done...I'm speaking for myself here. Denial was my friend. I had people telling me I should quit in my 20's....I drank hard till I was 51. I had to have willingness beaten into me. Do I wish I would have quit in my 20's?....Of course. I just thought I had it under control....And I hurt a lot of people...Myself included to find out I was powerless over it. Once I put alcohol in my body...I had no control over it.

Dalek

Yeah, I know, and I put it off for years myself, but if someone doesn't know what they want, I sure don't. Some people really can't think of anything better to do with their lives than to get drunk day after day. That was me for years.

I should note that item #1 on my list of possibilities is not very likely for people hanging around on recovery forums. Chronic addiction is usually unsustainable without some degree of damage, and eventually, we tend to crash and burn.

Duke10

Everyone is different. Yeah no crap I hope you find the courage to quit soon. One thing I know for sure is that if you keep drinking something very bad will happen. Be the exception to the rule and quit soon. Just posting here shows you have the desire now find the courage.

BillyPilgrim

There are two times that you can consider stopping
Manana
or
now

I think the latter works