Suez

I'm finding it hard not 2 have a drink already because everyone around me is doing it! My family drink loads my friends drink loads and I don't want 2 drink loads but I am easily persuaded in2 doing it!!!! Why has society become this way?

I'm going 2 end up losing some friends through saying no it makes it do hard sorry just felt I should let this out as I have been invited out by 3 different parties tonight (and have declined) feel good about it but I will face the same challenge tomorrow and it will be worse as its the weekend.

Does anyone else feel trapped in a rut like this?x

desertsong

Suez, I totally understand. I live with an active alcoholic so I understand the temptations and stresses that go along with being around people who drink. The thing that I have learned is this: I am only responsible for my OWN sobriety. If others choose to drink, that's their choice. I can only choose for myself, and I choose not to drink.

It may sound overly simplistic but then again, it's reality. Nobody has influence over your sobriety but YOU. Hang in there.

Luling

Yeah, seriously. Why does it have to be that alcohol = fun ?! I'm in the same boat you're in; I guess it's time to find some new friends. Anyway, it's cool; we'd be better off with friends rather than drinking buddies.

scrambled2012

In some cultures Suez, it has always been that way.

Being that its early on, it might be best to say no to the parties for now. That won't be forever unless you choose to make it so; you will be stronger down the road and make the decision then. For right now, just think of it as a needed yet temporary state of affairs~~~~

EXM6

I definitely use to... When I went to University, I was working in a bar and grill. With a staff of about 40, you would always end up working with someone you haven't seen in awhile and would "have" to stay afterward for a glass of wine... Of course that never REALLY meant 1 glass. Luckily now, I am the only person in my life that drinks the way I do. I think all the time how lucky I am for that. I can't imagine how hard it must be with not only your social life, but your family life, so marinated in alcohol.

The only thing I could suggest is reaching out to those people who you may know who don't make everything about drinking. They do things like go to the movies, play sports, do art... have hobbies. If you don't know any of these people, I would recommend trying to get out there and discover what it is YOU like to do without the alcohol. Friends will come... It will take time, but they will.

In the meantime, is there any way you can talk to some of the people in your life about how you're feeling? There may be a few, or even a ton of them that don't understand... but hopefully you'll land upon someone who can be supportive to what you're trying to do.

I hope I came up with something helpful in that little ramble.

TimeToGetALife

We all do at some stage, I had the same wobble last Friday night, you just have to remember why you have chosen to make a safe and happy life without the use of alcohol for yourself.. if others around you want to drink that is up to them. However, you have decided that you want to be happy, with no more drunken regrets, and have a more fulfilling life, and for those of us that can't just have 'one drink', alcohol will not allow us to achieve this. So stay strong, if you lose friends because you don't drink alcohol, well they probably weren't friends that were worth having any way :-)

Suez

Your all right there is so much more to life than alcohol I will say at the moment it runs my life I live 2 drink I would rather keep my last 10 quid 2 go out at weekend rhan buy food and that is no way 2 blooming live! Speaking 2 people on this makes me see sense! I just have 2 keep up the motivation I never thought I would need help but I appreciate it from you all xx

DisplacedGRITS

It's true that we do live in a society that seems to love to drink but i think that we are also sensitized to it because of our addiction. We notice all the drinking that occurs around us, especially when we're trying to quit. Also, we probably surrounded ourselves with drinking friends or came from drinking families. There are many people in our society who chose not to drink or who drink rarely. For me, i see drinking as a privilege i've abused and no longer have. It's not my place to tell others not to drink but in my early recovery i do hope for some respect and support in the choice i've made. That also means i have to respect my friends. I'm not going to go to a bar get together and bemoan that i can't drink while my friends do and i'm not going to allow friends to bring alcohol into my house for a party. It's give and take and respecting boundries. I know i will never live in an alcohol free world so i'll learn to adjust my life accordingly to live happly with what i'm given.

CactusJill

I am with desertsong on this. My bf drinks and I just have earned to deal with it. With that said, you are smart to limit your exposure to alcohol. Avoid places or events that will lead to drinking. However, in some instances, it isn't easily avoided.

Just concentrate on your sobriety and do what you need to do to stay sober. No one else matters right now.

Dee74

Welcome Suez

My life used to revolve around alcohol, so I had to make a few changes to stay sober especially in the early days - in both the people I hung with and the places I used to go.

when you stick with it, I'm sure you'll find like I did, that other people drinking will become less and less of an issue for you

D

DarkDays

Very common so common that now it is very rebellious to be sober

tomsteve

i used to think fun had to include alcohol.then alcohol= gloom, dispair, and misery. about 3 years into recovery, i went to my 1st concert sober. never did that before. crosby,stills, and nash. i couldnt believe that there were actualy people there who werent drinking and/or smokin!! and they were havin a great time!!!! i thought everyone got drunk and high at concerts!
that is when i really started seeing the world from a diferent view. it wasnt everyone that drank when having fun, just the people i hung around with. when i got into recovery i made a decision i didnt care if the wet faces i called friends turned their backs on me. i didnt want to be me anymore and would do whatever was necessary to change me. there was 1 friend that didnt turn his back on me. we did a LOT of drinking over many years. he got into recovery about a year after i did. we are better friends than before. i have also made many new friends along the way.

regeneration

hello Suez ! Good to see you thinking about this and trying not to drink. I stopped drinking about 9 weeks ago. Before I stopped, I was worried as thought I'd have no life, and everyone I knew drank. First 4 weeks, there were times I felt lonely and I have opted out of a fair few things/not seen certain friends.

But your time does start to fill up again if you go out looking for things to do. You just need to accept that some things/people off limits for a while, now is the time to try out some things that appeal that don't include booze. Stick at it, it does get better.

Soberween

It really isn't that common. If you go to a restaurant (for example: Carrabbas), look around and not every table is drinking alcohol. Usually, more are not drinking than are. Us alchy's tend to surround ourselves with drinkers so it seems that way to us.

Threshold

Just a thought..my niece is allergic to milk. Scary allergic. If someone had milk in their coffee and kissed her cheek she'd break out in hives.

She could never eat cake and ice cream at birthday parties, or have the cupcakes in school.

By the age of four she knew to "just say no" to any food she hadn't brought from home or had cleared my mom.

If she could say no, at the age of four to all the normal everyday food and goodies in her culture. I guess I, at 46, can learn to say no to something much less pervasive.

I need to remind myself of that.

Sasha4

I agree with you Suez - why do we have to have alcohol to celebrate occasions or attend parties, or to make us feel like one the crowd.

I hate people wittering on about posh wine. I feel like screaming 'wine is just rotten fruit. You are getting excited about rotten fruit. You are paying silly prices for rotten fruit'

I understand how you feel. But maybe not going to parties or being with friends as they drink is not for ever, just for now. When you feel stronger you can always go to parties then or socialise with other drinkers.

Could you arrange to meet your friends during the day or somewhere else, where drinking is not the main focus?

Maybe a a trip to the cinema or going shopping or going hiking for the day?

I wish you very, very well.
xx

CactusJill

That is funny!