MyBetterWorld

I've been casually dating someone for about a month. (I've been out of the game for 12 years!) I find myself constantly looking for warning signs, red flags. There aren't any, and I keep looking! I do believe I am ready, but am I really this jaded?
If you've been through this and managed to let go, please tell me how! I don't want to ruin things with this nice, funny, smart, HARD WORKING (that's a new one) good looking man who is NOT AN ALCOHOLIC, who seems to think I hung the moon!


How do I not be paranoid? Or at least, not show it?!
M

marie1960

i could have written this post, I am in the exact same boat. LMAO

right before Easter, I reconnected with a very dear friend. his sister and I have been friends since grade school.

I just assume that what we are feeling is natural after too many years on the crazy train. We are taking it very slow, and I always keep my eye on the door in case an emergency exit is needed. So far so good. Time will tell.

I am hoping this is a newfound wisdom, after the past life lesson we have been given

i think it's our turn to enjoy this trip around the sun.

lillamy

Well... I think that for me, respect is built on honesty, and those two are the most important components of any relationship. It's easy for me to say, because the man in my life is someone who has been along for most of the ride as a friend, so it's not like I could hide the fact that I was a little chipped around the edges...

But I would like to think that if I had started dating someone who didn't know me, I would like him to know that I had lived through a hell that had made me a bit scarred and just tell him to please ask if I'm behaving erratically or strange, rather than assume it's his fault. Because that's the one thing I keep seeing with my new man: I react instinctively to things as if I was still around AXH. If he didn't know that, he'd think I was a little odd at times.

I've waded in slowly and with utter honesty. I hope you find the way that works for you -- and I'm glad you've found this man.

marie1960

hmm...... Lillamy you got me thinking now........

I was never married to the XA that was in my life, and throughout our five year relationship, we always maintained separate homes (pretty certain that was my salvation), but I have intentionally made a point of not sharing any of that info with this new guy.

I am trying to go forward in my life, best to leave the past right where it belongs. I certainly do not want to bring my old life, and all that excess baggage into a new possible relationship.

And here is what is eating at me at this very moment. I think I am truly ashamed to acknowledge that I wasted five years of my life with an out of control active alkie. Oh boy, I really need to come to terms with this. WTH????

lillamy

Five? I wasted 20, Marie!

I'm ashamed, too. But there's no shame in loving someone and that love being taken advantage of. There really isn't.