Weasel1966

I woke up frustrated with myself.

Day 4

Last night I struggled bad at the time I have programmed myself to go drink. Everyday at 5:15.

I posted here about how I got past it but I woke up feeling lame and weak about the post and telling anyone my struggle.

LOL Like I have not laid it all out on this board before.

I have always been the one others come to... level headed... open mind... open heart.

Yet when it comes to myself that all goes out the window.

Its more black and white with me. I need to be able to deal better with the gray area.

I realize the gray area is where the learning and strength will come from to deal with things.

There is no staring this down.

I have been stared down and lost.

Thats not weakness that's intelligence.

I know... gee... acceptance needs to be next if it has not already gotten here.

Time to take my hand away from my eyes just a bit more....

The light at the end of the tunnel is not the train anymore. That ran over me back a ways.

Odd post today.

Sapling

I don't know Ken...There is only one thing that got me sober and keeps me sober...Action....I couild think about it till it killed me...And I almost did...I needed to take some action....Nothing else.

gunther84

Just hang in there...I know sometimes easier said than done....the longer you go without a drink the sooner the desire to drink will be lifted from you....

OCDDan

that typical day four stuff, or "thirsty thursday" i found day four to be the worst

kittycat3

Find something to do at your programmed time that is mutually exclusive with drinking. Running or other exercise? Treat yourself to a movie? hang in a coffee shop? Whatever it is you have to reprogram!!

Dee74

I think a lot of us were the advice givers, the care givers, the fixers, the go to guys - with absolutely no idea of how to give that sort of TLC to ourselves.

That's what places like SR are for

I had to make it really easy in the beginning Ken.

1. Do Not Drink
2. Find the support I need to make that happen
3. Have faith - trust that all this is worth it and it will work out.

congrats on day 4

D

Weasel1966

I certainly know it is worth it.

Like the stages of grief as we move between them I am in the angry stage today.

A healthy anger.

The weekend coming up is a long holiday. I have had one sober weekend recently in April.

This will be my first sober holiday weekend since 2003. I had been flat out since then.

My mind is ready.

My heart is ready.

My soul is ready.

I have a plan that covers all peak times.

Not every weekend will be this hard I am sure but I want this win.

Going away to a small town in PA called Jim Thorpe. Quaint... Going to spend time relaxing, hiking and eating.

Life is good.

Ken

sugarbear1

Maybe go read your post and reply as if you aren't the person writing it. What would you tell that person who was struggling?

Weasel1966

Sugarbear that's kinda what I do a lot.

This post for me was about coming to terms and accepting that place I am at.

I know what to do. It's the feelings along the way that surprise me sometimes.

Pure muscle alone never made someone sober. It's a cunning game of the mind.

I am really starting to accept things differently. Not just the drinking but many aspects.

Working throughh the reasons I drink as well as the act.

I am happy for the changes and want to feel them. I have dulled things to long.

Never thought I would be putting them out there like this but this morning after I typed this post I felt real relief.

sugarbear1

Well, I can help others, but I can rarely see my own behavior, so I lean on others to see my behavior for me. It's about working with others so we can benefit each other. My sick mind can't help itself sometimes, but it can sure help another and the same is true when I ask someone to help me....

It's a much better cycle than that of falling into the old drinking cycle.

You will get there soon. Be gentle on yourself, just don't pick up that first one. It's a whole new process to learn....

Peace,

JustARide

Hang in there. It can be tough at times.

I've never been to Jim Thorpe but used to pass that area on the way to Hickory Run to go camping. It's a beautiful area. Should be a peaceful enjoyable time for you.

stillsleeping

Hey hun,

I still find it hard to ask for help.

I realised that I did it really sneakily recently, posting in my Class that I was struggling to make a decision. Then some people gave me fantastic advice, and I realised that I'd wanted some, just didn't know how to ask. Or maybe it didn't even occur to me to ask.

It makes me feel vulnerable. But then I get great advice. So I figure I need to learn.

You're going to have an amazing time this weekend. We're going to, too - it's going to be hooooot here in lovely Brighton and I'm goin to make the most of it!

Look forward to hearing all about it Oh, and pics if you can get them!

xxx

IndaMiricale

Your doing great. Day 4 congrats.

Your also at the beginning of the journey the best part full of unknown and wonder. For its not the destination but the walk through the fields thats beautiful.