webber1

I hope this is helpful..

As Ive posted before my partner relapsed after a 3 month stint at a IST class rehab facility. After 5 months she is back there and its like groundhog day. This time and I cant recommend a good therapist enough my attitude is so different to last time - Im healing and as the fog has lifted I believe that I deserve better.

A common theme on these threads is why can't I move on .. Its not easy but it says more about us than our AH partner. Why on earth would any HEALTHY human being put up with the behaviour of our AH PARTNER.In a way we are as damaged as them.

We are told to hope , we are told the Ah partner can get better but the cold reality is the only hope lies with in us to stand up and say no more! If we think that our AH partners are the best we can do than thats rock botom.

I honestly think that even if the AH recovers ( not drinking) its a long hard journey as they cant do the one thing they love - Drink ! I used to love the fairytale that loves conquers all, that everything will be better after Rehab but sadly Ive learned that for my AH partner to get to this place originally shes broken beyond repair.

We only have one life , it should be a healthy life . Its all up to usand moving on though hard has liberated my soul.

changeschoices

That's where I'm at right now. Asking myself why on earth I put up with so much for so little. I had a lot of dreams last night about all of the times my AX abandoned me for drink and how that made me feel.

At the very beginning of the relationship, there were signs that my AX was not treating me fairly. However, I had no idea that those times when, before we lived together, he was calling me and picking fights with me on the phone and I was left feeling hurt and confused, he was actually drunk on the phone. At that time, I was clueless that he was an A and I had never read anything about alcoholism before in my life.

Now a couple years later, I know a lot more about addiction. And because of that, I have the responsibility to myself and my children to STAY AWAY.

I, too, think that my AX has more going on than just alcoholism. He is a tortured soul and turned to drink to shut off the torment. I feel empathy for him--everyone on earth knows what it's like to feel broken at one time or another. But there is something wrong with ME if I persist in thinking I can fix him.

saljay

Changes,
I had that same experience. I had never known an alcoholic before. And when I met my AH six years ago, he hadn't had a drink in 20 years. So when the bizarre behavior started, huge mood swings where one second he's telling me how much he loves me, and next thing I know I'm hearing how horrible I am and how I'm the cause of all the problems in his life, my head would spin and I had no clue what the heck was going on. I thought *I* was going crazy. I feel stupid now for not recognizing it for over two years, that he was drinking. It just never crossed my mind

changeschoices

Yep, it never crossed my mind either. I thought I was getting into a normal relationship. Well, at least I've learned something very valuable!

ditched626

I thought I was getting into a "normal" relationship as well. My AH (soon to be X) seemed so together and on top of what made him tick. Sure he had insecurities but he came across to everyone as being funny and great. Then suddenly turn of a dime he left. Said he was a dry drunk and a shadow of his former self. Said he couldn't be sure it was over between us but he needed time and space. I am left feeling that it is me and that he has moved on to a better life. He is cold and unfeeling toward me. Like he shut every ounce of himself off to me.

Anyhow, I understand how you feel. Time heals all along with good friends, alanon, therapy and forums like this. Keep coming back...