desertsong

Let me first apologize to Bayliss for my callous response to her heartfelt post about her struggling ...

I know how it feels to be in those shoes and while I thought my response was helpful, others felt differently. I get that. I'm sorry. Truly. Please forgive me.

I am only speaking from my experience as an alcoholic who has tried many, many times over the years to get sober ... and failed. I see my story reiterated many, many times by other sufferers who find this forum and seek help. It breaks my heart because I hear their stories in my own life. I sometimes react out of emotion, reality, experience and other things ... but I should know that even though their experiences often resonate with my own, I shouldn't just blurt out what I feel in response.

I am sober nearly 90 days but it is clear I have a lot to learn, still. Thank you to those of you who have set me straight ... I'm sober but not healthy. I have a long way to go but I'm trying. I am only here to relate my experience and, I hope, to help others. I am a damaged human being who is further damaged by alcohol ... but I sincerely want to help others who are suffering through the same madness that I've been through. I do not mean to harm anyone through the responses I post in their threads .... I only want to help because I've been there. But I sometimes forget how fragile people are, as I used to be. I mean no harm. I'm recovering myself and as a recovering alcoholic, I am often very selfish. I don't want to be that person any more. I am here to help others through the same hell I'm suffering through. That is all.

So ... if I seem harsh ... or impersonal ... or callous ... please know that that is not my intention. I love you all ... and it hurts me to see anyone suffer through the same hell that I have been through. My intentions are honest ... and truthful ... based on my own experience. I don't mean them to apply to your life 100% ... take what you can use, and leave the rest. And if I can be of any help to you ... in any way ... let me know. That is why I'm here. We're in this together.

I love you.

DisplacedGRITS

I hope we all can understand that not every post here to be taken as the gospel and sometimes not all posts are completely thought out before that submit button is pushed. As we come here looking for advice and support and come here to give advice and support remember that we are all suffering from addiction and we are all human. If a post offends you, consider private messaging the offender to discuss it further rather than aring your dirty laundry in public. Oftentimes it is a miscommunication. Sometimes it is better to remember that in the forum it may be better to take the advice you feel can best help you and leave the rest. Just remember that if some that is tough love and not meant to hurt. Everyone at some point in their life has needed a swift kick in the pants. I've needed and gotten several. This is a place for healing, not hurting. Forgive miscommunications and read what you write before you post. And when you post, post with support.

sissy07

desertsong,

Go EASY on yourself! Your posts have helped me immensely. I think all of us every once in awhile come off differently than we intend to in this forum. That is just the internet effect - sometimes words can't echo feelings. I am sure your explanation is appreciated, but you haven't done anything that most of us others have done.

scrambled2012

Hi Desertsong,

hey, no worries. I didn't think you were harsh, your intentions seemed pretty clear.

but rest assured, if you are one of those human beings i've heard about, you know, with two arms and legs and a head and everything, well I'll bet you will make a mistake here and there, eventually. hey, go easy on yourself. it's all good.

i'm off to bed, have a good night desert 8

LDT

I know I'm not in this discussion, but may I just add that I think that your heartfelt apology was beautiful, desertsong.

Leemzer

You helped me immensely in my early sobriety (hey, I am still there) and sometimes we cannot sugar coat everything. Very big of you to make an overture though. I think you're the best!!
Lee

Change4good

I haven't read the thread that prompted desertsong's apology, so perhaps my comments are premature.

I WILL say though, that while song may feel like an "ass", I see this apology and explanation as an "asset" to this forum.

desertsong

Thank you, all. I'm still an "ass" but hopefully an "ASSet" to this forum. You all make me who I am. Thank you.

awuh1

It’s difficult to see others suffer . If our natures include the full capacity to empathize, the hurt is real, …. and we want it to stop. So much more so when that suffering is close behind us, and we have found a way to escape it. I must remind myself that suffering is sometimes necessary in order to grow, and more of it is required for some than for others.

Dee74

You've been a great help to many here DS

When I was first a member here I got very scared for other members - I wanted so badly for them to have what I'd found - and sometimes that fear and frustration made me say stuff that I later realised I could have said better or maybe even sometimes not said at all.

I hope people realised then that my intent was good, just as I know yours is

D

nonblondechef

No you are not. Yes you are!!

desertsong

Dee ... and all of you ... thank you. I sometimes give the impression that I am better off than an I really am ... I suppose that is for YOU as well as for myself. The point is that we are all on this same, difficult journey but we CAN get there if we give it our all and support each other. This forum has played a HUGE part in my recovery and when I see others struggling, I suppose I just get weak myself. I shouldn't allow my weakness to fail their recovery ... they are strong in their own right and I should hold them up rather than sink with them. People are SO much stronger than they realize ... I hope and pray that they will see that strength in themselves ... that's all they have, but that is ENOUGH. You CAN do this. Many of us said, "I can't," but they are here today, and they are SOBER. That's all that matters.

Anna

Desertsong, I think we've all made posts that we regret, and often it is out of fear.

I have learned that when I operate out of fear, I can't show love. Fear and love are mutually exclusive. And, as you said, we are all on this recovery journey together. We are all at different places on the road, but we can learn from each other and share. And, it's so important to know that we are exactly where we should be, just as everyone else is where they should be.

Sapling

I didn't even see what you posted DS....But you aren't an ass...I like your posts...You speak from the heart...Sometimes they don't come out right...I've had my share. We grow one day at a time. Keep speaking from your heart....You never know when it might be exactly what somebody needed to hear. What do they say?...We are not saints. Just alcoholics trying to help other alcoholics.

IndaMiricale

Ditto what Sapling said.

And I would add way to take inventory and when you felt you were wrong promptly admit it.

Well done.

MentalLoop

wow, i guess we all trip on this once? I had a similar posting incident, and the requisite - jackass acknowledgement. thanks to you, i now know it is part of recovery in and of itself. Well, for now i can check off the following:

1. Didn't drink today - Check
2. Sober for a few months now - check
3. Made a jackass of myself in one of my posts - Check
4. Apologized, and moved forward - Check
5. Can somebody tell me and DS what to expect next? A little forewarning of our next milestone would be greatly appreciated.

Soberween

DesertSong... you've been a great help to me in maintaining my sobriety. I love your posts and your firecracker personality. Never change!

tomsteve

being an ass is improvement over being a whole ass!!!

2granddaughters

We can see the disease so well in others and we get frustrated and scared.

I can't see the disease in myself (that's the disease). I need to hear it from others, and it pi$$es me off when I do.

All the best desertsong... you are learning balance.

Bob R

sugarbear1

We are all on different stages/areas of growth.

Love,