help me..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1
help me..
I have a problem with binge drinking. I go sober for two weeks or a month or even several months then all of a sudden it is like pow! I crash and drink 12 to 24 beers.. Recently, I miscarried and then my financees reaction was bad, the pain inside me was so awful..so I drank 6 beers then drove tot he store for more.. god help me, for it was like a beast in me that rationalized the stupidity of the act, ..the store is only down the road, etc. I hate myself today. I despise myself for risking everything for it... i tried to fight it that moment, but I was not sober. I tried to wait for my financee to come home.. I tried to stop myself but the thirst was huge and overpowering.. I shook all the way to the store.. I have previous arrests from years ago and will get screwed if caught again, but that is not the point. The point is I drove anyway, the point is I feel like I want to die but too cowardly to do anything about it... I feel just terrible, ashamed of myself and terrified that I will do this again... god help me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Hi there helpme3!
Welcome to SR!
I can still remember very vividly the anxiety and the terror and the guilt over things that I had done while drinking. It is just a memory though, now that I have quit drinking.
Do some reading around the site...ask some questions.
If God and AA aren't your cup of tea there are all sorts of ways and methods to quit an addiction.
Welcome to SR!
I can still remember very vividly the anxiety and the terror and the guilt over things that I had done while drinking. It is just a memory though, now that I have quit drinking.
Do some reading around the site...ask some questions.
If God and AA aren't your cup of tea there are all sorts of ways and methods to quit an addiction.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome to a place none of us planned on ending up! you are at a place i was at a lil over 7 years ago.:get help to stop drinking or kill myself. i hated myelf and thought i was useless and worthless. i decided that i would go to AA, give it 90 days, doin what the people and the Big Book said, and iffen nothin chnaged, i was goin for the other option.
i put in a lot of footowrk workin on me and at 90 days, something was different. i didnt know what, but it was a feeling i never felt before. turns out that feeling was hope. i decided to stick around and see what i was like at the end of another 90 days. so, in that 2nd 90 days, i realized i drank for about 23 years, why would i only give it 6 months???
although i havent experienced a miscarraige, which i am very sorry to hear, i did have quite a bit of misery in my life and have overcome it all. the major reason is because GOD did help this useless worthless drunk!!!! but i had to put in the footwork.
i suggest ya give AA a go. go to meetings, make a decision that you'll do whatever ya gotta do to get out from under, get a sponsor and put in the footwork.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
i put in a lot of footowrk workin on me and at 90 days, something was different. i didnt know what, but it was a feeling i never felt before. turns out that feeling was hope. i decided to stick around and see what i was like at the end of another 90 days. so, in that 2nd 90 days, i realized i drank for about 23 years, why would i only give it 6 months???
although i havent experienced a miscarraige, which i am very sorry to hear, i did have quite a bit of misery in my life and have overcome it all. the major reason is because GOD did help this useless worthless drunk!!!! but i had to put in the footwork.
i suggest ya give AA a go. go to meetings, make a decision that you'll do whatever ya gotta do to get out from under, get a sponsor and put in the footwork.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Welcome Helpme,
You are not alone. I think we have all had the same feelings of shame, guilt, depression and horror after drinking. This site has been very helpful to me and can provide you with great advice and support. I am so sorry for your loss.
You are not alone. I think we have all had the same feelings of shame, guilt, depression and horror after drinking. This site has been very helpful to me and can provide you with great advice and support. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
You're not alone. I think a lot of us here have felt the anguish of shame, regret, fear, and self hatred that you're experiencing. When that pain became less than the fear I had about getting sober, I made a permanent life change and haven't regretted a choice I've made since. My life now consists of good intentions, honesty and thoughtfulness.. I can't even imagine where I'd be now (likely dead) had I continued the path I was on. You don't ever have to feel this way again. So sorry for your loss, I've been there too.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 15
Hi helpme3 really sorry to hear about your loss u must b feeling very sad! I also have drunk drove I ended up being caught lost my license and job that was a year ago now and I still think about it all the time! I didn't think I had a drink prob until I had a panic attack this afternoon - something has made me decide to also get help and I really hope speaking with others can help 
Drink is completely ruining my life it's sad any time I have a say off I think about getting drunk
do u feel that way or r u just feeling this way because of your loss?xxx
Drink is completely ruining my life it's sad any time I have a say off I think about getting drunk
do u feel that way or r u just feeling this way because of your loss?xxx
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Welcome to SR, helpme, and to recovery. Stick around and read and post, and find a recovery plan that suits you. But don't wait to quit. Don't postpone quitting. It will only prolong your misery. Quitting now brings you closer to recovery with each passing minute. And it's worth it; you are worth it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
