JustARide

circling me, looking for weak points!

I've been sober a month, the longest I can recall being sober in my adulthood...


"You've made it a month...you've earned it...you can have something tonight and then get back to being sober...maybe you can have something once a month or so...that's not so bad...you'll still have been sober for all that time and only 1 day with alcohol"

I've been exercising and eating right for a good part of the last month, but the last few days or so I've gotten off track...


"Have a little something tonight, you've already ate like crap and haven't done much of anything today...why not just have a little something tonight and then you'll get back on track tomorrow".

But I know I'll be tempted to overdo it. And I'll be hung over tomorrow and be tempted to get started again tomorrow night...


"why not get something you're not used to drinking...get something like whiskey, and drink it straight with some ice...this will be different than when you used to mix vodka with something sweet or drink wine, this way you won't drink too much, you can just have a little sip here and there and get a slight buzz...maybe get a smaller bottle, just to make sure"

This went on for a few hours
I just thought I'd share some of this nonsense with you all.



I passed...
there is still no alcohol in the house and I'm gonna get to bed early tonight.

Weasel1966

Hang in there. Sounds like you have the strength you need. I like your detachment. Learned from a lot of experience I imagine.

Be well!

CaiHong

Justaride
Good for you. It is not easy and thanks for sharing that. I am so glad you didn't cave in.
You are going to feel great in the morning.
It does get easier.

more power to you
love
CaiHong

Lenina

justARide,

it doesn't matter what the Beast wants. it's got nothing to do with you. acknowledge as you have done and continue forward! Good job!

love from Lenina

JustARide

Thanks. I've been free of any real temptation for a few weeks now. Suddenly it came on strong though. I didn't expect to be so tortured by it...it kind of blindsided me...I almost gave in.

EXM6

Frig, I am not looking forward to those conversations. I have never been good at recognizing them -- I always give in right away.

Good for you... You've done great!

Stride34

What you are doing here, examining and detaching from your thoughts like this is, is powerful stuff, and can help enormously in not only beating addiction but also in your quality of life.

If you continue practicing this, eventually the whole thought that you wrote out above won't run through your head anymore. You might start with one, but you'll gain the ability to stop it very quickly and not take it seriously.

Then, after some sober time, say a year's time on average, the thoughts don't come at all anymore. If they do, it's very rarely, and stand no chance against this power and awareness you've developed.

All relapses occur when this detachment is no longer there, and you start believing the thoughts and start engaging in a prolonged cycle of negative thinking. Or maybe you have a bad day and it all happens very quickly without you realizing what you are doing. This is unconscious.

As long as true awareness is there, relapses just don't happen.

Soberween

I'm so glad, JustARide. Sounds like you "played the tape all the way through." Overcoming episodes like that only make you stronger. Now flex that emotional muscle. You've earned it!!

Boxer1

Demons is the correct term for sure. I hope you break out of it, man.

Dalek

Don't debate with the addictive voice, because the Beast doesn't really care what you have to say, or even what the AV is saying. I know it's tempting to think that you're going to change its mind with logic, but that's just not going to happen. Just be clear about why you never drink, and when the Beast talks, just recognize IT, but don't talk back to IT.

Talking back and debating with the Beast is just another way of saying that you aren't sure, and that you might actually drink, which really zaps your confidence. It just gives you white knuckles, and it also gives the Beast more time to soften you up for the kill. If you must talk back, just think "IT wants to drink, but I never drink, too bad for IT."

It will settle down much faster that way than with debating, which, as you say, can go on for hours. I'm going through something similar myself, so I do get it, but trust me, the less you say, the better.

Anna

Good for you, and Yay, for no alcohol in the house.

JustARide

I've read a thing about ARVT on the internet, that a couple of people here directed me to (Terminally Unique & Soberlicious?)...and I've read other people talking about it. It made sense to me, a good method, to detach and vilify the thoughts through this metaphor of "the beast". Obviously I know the voice is me, but it did help a bit to separate it from myself. It's interesting, the things that go on in our minds with habit and addiction.

OCDDan

Congratulations Just,

I tend to agree with what Dalek is saying, and add that once I decided that I never want to drink again I've had way less cravings or AV voice as it's called.

JustARide

It's like one of those telemarketers that has a rebuttal for every excuse you give them.

Me: But, Mr Newspaper salesman, I forgot to tell you, I'm blind.
Mr NewsPaper Salesman: Well, you can still use the coupons.

Hevyn

Proud of you JustARide! Very helpful stuff. Nice to see your sense of humor hasn't suffered.

JustARide

Thanks everyone.

Good night!

Dalek

You might want to read through the AVRT threads in the Secular Connections forums. Lots of information on there.

The Beast of AVRT is not a metaphor, just like addiction is not a metaphor. It is just what we call addictive desire in AVRT, which is very real.

It helps to know that the AV is actually your body talking to you. You have a body that is confused, and that thinks it needs alcohol, but since you run your body, especially the arms and hands which would be used to pour those drinks, you can self-correct.

JustARide

Thanks Dalek. I've stumbled into the Secular Connections forum (this is a big board!) once or twice and I've been meaning to check out those threads.

No problems so far today. I'm refocused and getting back into my healthy routine.

WingsFan13

You are more powerful than your beast as you just proved. It came at you with its worst and you beat it back into its cave. WELL DONE!

Keep using AVRT, keep fighting the beast until the worst it has is just a whimper

Gavinandnikki

The way I deal with Beast activity is the same way I teach parents to deal with unruly children (in some circumstances).

If you say "No", then ignore the pleeding and begging and endless discussion, things quiet down pretty fast. It's when you engage in a discussion with the unruly party that things get more prolonged and out of control.

I am the Master. No need to explain my reasoning to a primitive beast. I don't drink.

Pam