Past and future
Re-Tread
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Past and future
Today is my day 1.
Im happy that in the past year I got some sober months strung together.
But I keep relapsing.
I think I know what my problem is.
I get emotional over the mistakes of my past and anxiety about the future.
Once the anxiety hits it leads me right back to the bottle.
Im going to use this website to aid me in staying sober.
Ill also hit some meetings when I can.
I know a key for me is staying in the present.
So Im just gonna use this thread to dump some of my worries about the past and future when they pop up which is daily. Hope thats okay to do.
Today Im worried about the past because I feel like Ive wasted lots of time drinkin and druggin. At the same time I know Ive gotten lots done too. Ive got a great house, supportive wife, beautiful happy daughter, family, friends and a good job with benefits. Im happy Ive gotten lots done but theres so much I put off cause of drink and hangovers..like not working out, fixing up the house, chores, certificates for work, finishing my degree, the list goes on and on.
Im happy that in the past year I got some sober months strung together.
But I keep relapsing.
I think I know what my problem is.
I get emotional over the mistakes of my past and anxiety about the future.
Once the anxiety hits it leads me right back to the bottle.
Im going to use this website to aid me in staying sober.
Ill also hit some meetings when I can.
I know a key for me is staying in the present.
So Im just gonna use this thread to dump some of my worries about the past and future when they pop up which is daily. Hope thats okay to do.
Today Im worried about the past because I feel like Ive wasted lots of time drinkin and druggin. At the same time I know Ive gotten lots done too. Ive got a great house, supportive wife, beautiful happy daughter, family, friends and a good job with benefits. Im happy Ive gotten lots done but theres so much I put off cause of drink and hangovers..like not working out, fixing up the house, chores, certificates for work, finishing my degree, the list goes on and on.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I agree that it takes letting go of the past and the mistakes and the shame and guilt, in order to recover. I did the same as you and continued to fail again and again because I kept dwelling on my mistakes.
I know that you can do this!
I know that you can do this!
Re-Tread
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Im worried about the future mostly due to money. Will I always have enough? I stress over it daily. I cant stand feeling like theres not enough to fall back on. I stress over my Dads cancer and upcoming treatment. And I wonder will I face the same in the future. Hes lived sober his whole life I smoked and drank. Im also kinda worried about work today and how long Ill last before I burn out.
But Ill make it through today sober and try to get stuff done here.
Back to playing with the little one for now.
But Ill make it through today sober and try to get stuff done here.
Back to playing with the little one for now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hey Fallow.
Yep, everyone from Marcus Aurelius to Buddha agrees—the present is where it's at. The past? It's over and done—what's the point of "would have" "should have"? And the future? 99% percent of the things I worry about never even happen. Talk about a waste of time. Besides, it will be here soon enough.
But the present—this moment, this day—it's right here in front of us. Ready to be shaped and used however we want. Unless, of course, we're too busy thinking about the past and future, and let the moment slip by...
Forget seize the day. Seize the now. Don't let worry or regret steal it away from you.
Yep, everyone from Marcus Aurelius to Buddha agrees—the present is where it's at. The past? It's over and done—what's the point of "would have" "should have"? And the future? 99% percent of the things I worry about never even happen. Talk about a waste of time. Besides, it will be here soon enough.
But the present—this moment, this day—it's right here in front of us. Ready to be shaped and used however we want. Unless, of course, we're too busy thinking about the past and future, and let the moment slip by...
Forget seize the day. Seize the now. Don't let worry or regret steal it away from you.
Quitter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Philly Burbs
Posts: 102
Hey Fallow...
I hear you.
I get caught in the past and the future to often sometimes.
Be thankful for the good things you have now, in the present. The family, friends, daughter, supportive wife...they are the things that matter.
I hear you.
I get caught in the past and the future to often sometimes.
Be thankful for the good things you have now, in the present. The family, friends, daughter, supportive wife...they are the things that matter.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Fallow, there are few among us who haven't relapsed PLENTY along the way. If you go to AA, you'll find that there are many folks who were in and out of the rooms for YEARS before they finally "got" it. You're not alone ... we understand. I say this as a former "retread" myself.
I don't think there are any "failures" among us. We're still here and we're still kicking and trying. The only failure is in never trying at all. You're not there. As long as there is still breath in your body and a desire for something better out of your life, you should have hope.
Put the past behind you. It can't hurt you anymore. You have today. You will probably have tomorrow. What will you do with them?
I don't think there are any "failures" among us. We're still here and we're still kicking and trying. The only failure is in never trying at all. You're not there. As long as there is still breath in your body and a desire for something better out of your life, you should have hope.
Put the past behind you. It can't hurt you anymore. You have today. You will probably have tomorrow. What will you do with them?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Welcome back Fallow.
I figure it's no good worrying about the past because it's done - we can't change it.
It's no good worrying about the future either because it's not here yet...
I'm not saying be fatalistic - I try to do what I can & make provision so that the future will be ok for me - but all the rest I have to let go, y'know?
D
I figure it's no good worrying about the past because it's done - we can't change it.
It's no good worrying about the future either because it's not here yet...
I'm not saying be fatalistic - I try to do what I can & make provision so that the future will be ok for me - but all the rest I have to let go, y'know?
D
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
You might also find this link helpful.
The Power of Now - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Power of Now - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 122
Welcome back, Fallow. Almost all of us have had no end of day ones. The difference is you keep coming back to recovery, not everyone does.
I agree that regrets about the past are unhealthy, but I've personally found that efforts to avoid anxiety by any means are a bit futile since I'm a human being. I've found it more productive to work on not reacting to these feelings by drinking than by trying to find ways to avoid the feelings.
For me that's as simple as understanding that nothing is so bad that alcohol can't make it ten times worse. My anxiety is steadily decreasing with sober time - reduced anxiety is a product of sobriety, not a cause of it for me.
Good luck and best wishes.
I agree that regrets about the past are unhealthy, but I've personally found that efforts to avoid anxiety by any means are a bit futile since I'm a human being. I've found it more productive to work on not reacting to these feelings by drinking than by trying to find ways to avoid the feelings.
For me that's as simple as understanding that nothing is so bad that alcohol can't make it ten times worse. My anxiety is steadily decreasing with sober time - reduced anxiety is a product of sobriety, not a cause of it for me.
Good luck and best wishes.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Ernie’s online book might also be helpful regarding shame and guilt. Here is the link.
Ernest Kurtz, Shame & Guilt
Ernest Kurtz, Shame & Guilt
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi Fallow - Everyone's got you covered, I see. Some good advice here. I'll just say that regrets, remorse and guilt kept me drinking for many years - and only made everything much worse. Drinking once seemed to calm me, but in the end it was sending my anxiety level through the roof. It's no friend to us - but I think you realize that.
Glad you are here to talk it over!
Some good advice here. I'll just say that regrets, remorse and guilt kept me drinking for many years - and only made everything much worse. Drinking once seemed to calm me, but in the end it was sending my anxiety level through the roof. It's no friend to us - but I think you realize that.Glad you are here to talk it over!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I completely know what you mean Fallow. I struggle with this as well. I always found that some things were easier said than done. I've been working on mindfulness meditation which has really helped. I take time out of my day to deal with it rather than just doing something about it when those feeling arise. I usually find that by the time that happens it's usually too late.
Glad you're keeping at it xxx
Glad you're keeping at it
xxx
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