I'm going crazy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Oshawa, Ontario
Posts: 7
I'm going crazy
Hi,
I'm new to this board and I am so glad I've found you all. I have a baby, small girl and my own business so I haven't been to an Alanon meeting for awhile and I'm still living with the practising alcoholic. And I'm going crazy.
We are finally breaking up, I've kicked him out of my home and he's leaving in a couple of days. But now that he knows I'm serious this time, he's worse then ever. He has been getting Soooooo plastered then coming home with an attitude. And I have such a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I know that I'm causing the chaos as much as he is, but I have such a hard time keeping quiet. He does so many things to get my goat. For instance he just left the front door open "to air out the house". Of course its me that pays the gas and he let out all the heat.
He just informed me too, that he'll be leaving "As soon as he can". I don't want to have to call the cops to have him removed but I think that's what it's going to come down to. Luckily he's never lived here legally, always collecting a welfare cheque elsewhere. My kids are at the babysitters right now but I am worried about what is going to go down tonight, and it breaks my heart when she sees us fighting. I've just got to keep my mouth shut.
I know that alcoholism is a disease and that he is really a good guy inside. But I think that sometimes that fact ends up just being a really good excuse for them to get away with all the crap they pull. And even if they aren't the ones using it as an excuse, we are. I should've left this guy a LONG time ago, but felt sorry for him and kept excusing the bad things he did. Sure it may be a disease but it's one that can be helped, if they want to. I think that us Alanons with practising alcoholics in our lives have to remember that if we ever want them to find recovery, we must let them suffer the consequences of their own actions.
I'm very interested to see what happens to my alcoholic (who also has a 17 year old addict son with him) when they are forced to leave here. Of course he has no money since he can't hold a job, and I've been the one doing everything for the last 10 years. So it will be interesting to see them doing it on their own.
Anyway, thanks for listening, hope this wasn't too long. Take care and Happy New Year everyone. My Newyear resolution: Take care of me and my kids first always.
Bye for now.
I'm new to this board and I am so glad I've found you all. I have a baby, small girl and my own business so I haven't been to an Alanon meeting for awhile and I'm still living with the practising alcoholic. And I'm going crazy.
We are finally breaking up, I've kicked him out of my home and he's leaving in a couple of days. But now that he knows I'm serious this time, he's worse then ever. He has been getting Soooooo plastered then coming home with an attitude. And I have such a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I know that I'm causing the chaos as much as he is, but I have such a hard time keeping quiet. He does so many things to get my goat. For instance he just left the front door open "to air out the house". Of course its me that pays the gas and he let out all the heat.
He just informed me too, that he'll be leaving "As soon as he can". I don't want to have to call the cops to have him removed but I think that's what it's going to come down to. Luckily he's never lived here legally, always collecting a welfare cheque elsewhere. My kids are at the babysitters right now but I am worried about what is going to go down tonight, and it breaks my heart when she sees us fighting. I've just got to keep my mouth shut.
I know that alcoholism is a disease and that he is really a good guy inside. But I think that sometimes that fact ends up just being a really good excuse for them to get away with all the crap they pull. And even if they aren't the ones using it as an excuse, we are. I should've left this guy a LONG time ago, but felt sorry for him and kept excusing the bad things he did. Sure it may be a disease but it's one that can be helped, if they want to. I think that us Alanons with practising alcoholics in our lives have to remember that if we ever want them to find recovery, we must let them suffer the consequences of their own actions.
I'm very interested to see what happens to my alcoholic (who also has a 17 year old addict son with him) when they are forced to leave here. Of course he has no money since he can't hold a job, and I've been the one doing everything for the last 10 years. So it will be interesting to see them doing it on their own.
Anyway, thanks for listening, hope this wasn't too long. Take care and Happy New Year everyone. My Newyear resolution: Take care of me and my kids first always.
Bye for now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
What a great New Year's resolution
I wish you well on your journey to take care of you and your kids first.
Addicts are usually very needy people who look for the enabling type. My mother found that in my Father and Spicoli found it in me. And once you start enabling them, it is very hard to break free from those chains. But it can be done, one step at a time.
I hope that you and your kids can find a way to see the New Year in peacefully.
Welcome to the forum. Make yourself at home.
Peace,
Gabe
Addicts are usually very needy people who look for the enabling type. My mother found that in my Father and Spicoli found it in me. And once you start enabling them, it is very hard to break free from those chains. But it can be done, one step at a time.
I hope that you and your kids can find a way to see the New Year in peacefully.
Welcome to the forum. Make yourself at home.
Peace,
Gabe
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Oshawa, Ontario
Posts: 7
Thanks Gabe
Well I decided not to wait anymore time. I just heard him come in with a friend and say that they have to go to the beer store and he was already really drunk and last night was really bad so I decided no more. I just called the police to have him removed before the girls get home. He left before they got here but I don't think he'll be back. Definitely not to live. And his son showed up and I told him to get some stuff so now he's gone too. That's it that's all. We're bringing in the New Year happy. I'm so happy he's out! Yahhh! What a burden gone.
I don't know what he's going to and I still love him but he's on his own now. And so am I.
Come on 2004! Let's do it.
I don't know what he's going to and I still love him but he's on his own now. And so am I.
Come on 2004! Let's do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
There's nothing like starting the
New Year out with a clean slate. Have a wonderful, peaceful evening and blessings to you and your children in the New Year.
God bless your husband. I hope he finds his way to a healthier life.
Peace,
Gabe
God bless your husband. I hope he finds his way to a healthier life.
Peace,
Gabe
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Your name says it all! I can almost hear your brain rattling!
I am happy that you did what you had to do for yourself and your children. Ice Cream all around!!
Welcome! Don't be a stranger.
JT
I am happy that you did what you had to do for yourself and your children. Ice Cream all around!!
Welcome! Don't be a stranger.
JT
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: ky
Posts: 6
Girl, I am right where you are with three months behind me. I did not have to call the police but I did get a restraining order. We were married, no children of our own and I filed for divorce that was final very fast. I was with him for 12yrs. I know all to well about paying all the bill while he airs the house out, or turns the ac wide open and pass out for no telling how long before I came in from work.
Be prepared, I just said the same thing on this board a few days ago. I have had no contact with him for over 3 months but feel like I miss him and love the {good person he could be}
I remember the whew thank the Lord he is gone but now the loneliness is setting in. So just a word of wisdom when those feelings start, get to an alanon meeting fast, and stay in close contact with healthy friends.
Sending you lots of hugs
Be prepared, I just said the same thing on this board a few days ago. I have had no contact with him for over 3 months but feel like I miss him and love the {good person he could be}
I remember the whew thank the Lord he is gone but now the loneliness is setting in. So just a word of wisdom when those feelings start, get to an alanon meeting fast, and stay in close contact with healthy friends.
Sending you lots of hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: saskatchewan
Posts: 26
I too know what this is like- in the last few months it seemed like I had ben paying for everything- even before that if I didn't have an income then things got behind and I felt so used. I do know that when an A is active they do not realize that others needs aren't being met, and it can't be an excuse to stay. It is hard to find the strength to do what you need to do when you feel so darn trapped- I too know that I had given him so many chances, so many times to either shape up or ship out, but his response then was that if I didn't like it I could leave (he knew I'd never leave my kids or let him have the house as it is in my name). So...I stayed for these reasons, b/c I felt trapped, but it basically came down to this: I have one life only to live, one chance only to be the healthies parent I can be for my kids as they won't be kids 4-ever. Instead of making it about what he needed to do, I told him it was about what I needed to do and that I couldn't deal; with the drinking/gambling-it had become my problem in the sense that I could no longer live with it because it was destroying me. This way, I can look at what I need to do and he can't justify his addiction and blame me (he may look in the mirror, maybe he won't). It comes down to survival and changing what we can- ourselves. Try praying, it really does work- so does Alanon and this forum. It works!!! I have a long way to go and it isn't an easy road but it is the road worth taking!!
Lots of hugs,
Sunflowergirl29
Lots of hugs,
Sunflowergirl29
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Oshawa, Ontario
Posts: 7
You guys are so right and I thank you for your replies.
But he came back sobered up last night begging me to let him stay for a day or two until he can find somewhere. Why can't I just say no to him? On one hand I think I'm doing the right thing because I don't want to see both of them on the street in the cold, and on the other hand I think that's exactly what he needs. So now he's using my daughter's room until he can get into a detox and he isn't drinking and he's really sick "getting it out of him". I told him I'm not a rehab and I have no sympathy and he's got until tomorrow.
I think he's really close to his bottom. My back porch is just piled with garbage right now because they haven't put it out for the last two weeks and I didn't get to it either, (I'm trying to raise my 2 girls one of which is a baby, run a business and deal with 2 addicts, I get a little behind in my housework sometimes). Anyway he just came in a second ago cursing himself that it is disgusting and "its not going in his mouth anymore." I know he also feels really guilty that he didn't get his son anything for Christmas or his birthday in November.
He really loves his daughters sooo much and it's killing him to have to leave here, but I am going to make him go tomorrow the next day at the latest. My business is finally starting to take off, and I'm so sick of the "Reign of Terror" and just ache for them to be gone. I agree with you dlh that I will be lonely without him, and to be honest I'm still hopeful that he will find recovery and try to win my heart back. I still love him. But I'm not waiting for him and if I find someone else or just get over him, well that's that. I will take it one day at a time and just focus on me, my girls, my business, and starting to have fun, buy us new things, fix up my house because its a falling down shack that has obviously been the victim of addiction.
Well bye for now. Thanks for listening....
But he came back sobered up last night begging me to let him stay for a day or two until he can find somewhere. Why can't I just say no to him? On one hand I think I'm doing the right thing because I don't want to see both of them on the street in the cold, and on the other hand I think that's exactly what he needs. So now he's using my daughter's room until he can get into a detox and he isn't drinking and he's really sick "getting it out of him". I told him I'm not a rehab and I have no sympathy and he's got until tomorrow.
I think he's really close to his bottom. My back porch is just piled with garbage right now because they haven't put it out for the last two weeks and I didn't get to it either, (I'm trying to raise my 2 girls one of which is a baby, run a business and deal with 2 addicts, I get a little behind in my housework sometimes). Anyway he just came in a second ago cursing himself that it is disgusting and "its not going in his mouth anymore." I know he also feels really guilty that he didn't get his son anything for Christmas or his birthday in November.
He really loves his daughters sooo much and it's killing him to have to leave here, but I am going to make him go tomorrow the next day at the latest. My business is finally starting to take off, and I'm so sick of the "Reign of Terror" and just ache for them to be gone. I agree with you dlh that I will be lonely without him, and to be honest I'm still hopeful that he will find recovery and try to win my heart back. I still love him. But I'm not waiting for him and if I find someone else or just get over him, well that's that. I will take it one day at a time and just focus on me, my girls, my business, and starting to have fun, buy us new things, fix up my house because its a falling down shack that has obviously been the victim of addiction.
Well bye for now. Thanks for listening....
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 4
Thanks for sharing. I'm in a similar situation. Have kicked out my husband for the second time, this time I just need to be strong enough not to take him back when he sobers up and comes back crying and begging on my doorstep. Like you I am interested to know what will become of him when I stop looking after him.
Keep us posted. Be strong and brave.
Love to you all
Dove
Keep us posted. Be strong and brave.
Love to you all
Dove
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Wheels,
I understand where you are, I have asked my husband to leave for a couple of weeks at a time but have been unable to stick to it and always let him come back. Hang in there, it sounds like you have a clear vision of what you need to do, I pray that you have the strength to follow-thru. Please keep sharing.
I understand where you are, I have asked my husband to leave for a couple of weeks at a time but have been unable to stick to it and always let him come back. Hang in there, it sounds like you have a clear vision of what you need to do, I pray that you have the strength to follow-thru. Please keep sharing.
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Vancouver Wa
Posts: 4
this may sound cruel
I havent been with this forum long but I have been with the addicted all my life. Kick him out first thing in the morning- no if ands or buts. He will try and sweeze more time from you- after all you have already given in .
Think of it this way---- The sooner you get him out- the sooner he will hit bottom. But really you shouldn't need justification. You know he has to go NOW. It is what is best for your children and you, so why wait. He really won't starve or die of frost bite. He has been resourcefull all these years in getting alcohol I think he can find a place to stay and most treatment centers take transients first. ( greatest need basis) I will pray for your strength tonight. You can do it !! Laurie
Think of it this way---- The sooner you get him out- the sooner he will hit bottom. But really you shouldn't need justification. You know he has to go NOW. It is what is best for your children and you, so why wait. He really won't starve or die of frost bite. He has been resourcefull all these years in getting alcohol I think he can find a place to stay and most treatment centers take transients first. ( greatest need basis) I will pray for your strength tonight. You can do it !! Laurie
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: saskatchewan
Posts: 26
I can relate once again! My AH was really good at showing up on my doorstep with the big puppy dog eyes, and the typical false promises. Sure- he lasted for a few months at a time, but before I knew it, his drinking became a normal routine again (as did the gambling). In the end, I knew that I couldn't wait for him to change or to want this, so BEFORE he could come home and repeat his broken record story speech again and I got sucked in, I took his stuff (just clothes etc) over to him, along with a letter, explaining that if he showed up before I invited him here that I would phone the cops. It worked, he got the point, and he has survived without me just fine. Just like Laurie said, they are very resourceful at finding their alcohol- mine always seemed to find a way to cover/borrow the money needed to pay mortgage, etc that he had spend the night before, so I figure there is not any point in worrying. We have taken care of everyone else in our lives EXCEPT for ourselves, and it is time!!!
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