NCB44

So told the ABF that I didn't want to see him over the summer... me and his mom are both of the agreement that he should go home and live with her (since I refused to help pay rent and live with him) for the summer and get his **** together. And she knows he tried to hit me and is not pleased to say the least.

He has decided to do just that and went to his first meeting today... not AA something called "moderation management"... I just know that his rosy attitude is not permanent and I am trying not to get sucked into the whole idea...

I don't want to see him this summer. I want to do well at my new job and not deal with his ****... just cause he is doing well now doesnt mean I should give in and start spending too much time with him like he wants me to (I am typing this mainly so that I get it through my thick skull and stop thinking about seeing him)

I have made my stand and I am not moving!

Wascally Wabbit

wow, you're strong. you know what you want in life. I applaud you.

Seren

Moderation Management is for those folks who decide they still want to drink socially and do not want to label themselves as 'alcoholics'. Completely his choice, but the stories I have read in this forum from people who have tried to moderate their drinking have not been successful. I wish him well and hope he proves me wrong.

I'm glad to hear you are concentrating on you and your own future! Good luck with your new job, how exciting!!

akrasia

Yeah, "moderation management." His mom is in for a fun summer.

Absolutely no contact with him! Kick butt at work and have fun.

Also: go no contact with his mom as well. I have a gut feeling that she's not in a healthy place and soon she'll be trying to rope you in the drama: "Oh no, he's starting to drink again! What do I do?" "I have to vent to you about it, you're the only one who understands what he's like!" "He says he wants to talk to you!" Yeah, no.

m1k3

You know, if she does get in touch with you for help/advice simply point her here and at al-anon. The rest is up to her.

Are you going NC with your ABF? If you are you can go NC with her as well.

Your friend,

keepfinding2

I wish you the best. Good to see someone trying moderation management. I've heard good things about it.

NCB44

Trying to post a reply from my phone, kinda difficult

I am not cutting off total contact. I said if he wanted to talk about how meetings are going and just check in that would be fine. And only over the phone. I'm not planning on seeing him face to face for at least 3 months. I also said I'm not discussing "us" for at least three months. Plus in general I Am not good at communicating on the phone so I never really stay on with him long.

As for his mom we don't have a whole lot of contact, I have a lot more contact with his dad(his parents aren't together). But His dad hasn't said anything to me yet about any of it. In any case I would probably do exactly as suggested Here and refer his parents to AA and support options if they asked me.

And last but not least... Moderation management ... I'm not sold on the idea. But only time will tell the outcome.

CeciliaV

There's a moderation management-type program where my AH goes for his group sessions, and it sounds like a load of BS to me. They're basically being coached on how to get sorta drunk and keep from getting OH MY GOD drunk...if you're an alcoholic, that's a recipe for disaster. Why keep walking on the edge of the precipice when you can learn how to walk the other way??

wicked

An alcoholic cannot moderately manage their intake of alcohol.
Maybe NCB when he calls you drunk you could choose not to engage.
I am glad he will be out of your life for the summer.
Beth

Carol Star

I read the founder of Moderation Management relapsed back into full addiction years ago and no longer supported the program........