Can I have a hug?
Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Can I have a hug?
Hello Everyone!
I first joined SoberRecovery when I was 19 years old and struggling through undergrad. I am now 27 years old. I am a nursing student and I also work as a CNA. Like everyone else here, I have been through a lot. I don't know who remembers me or my story. I come today to tell you all that I surrender. I cannot keep running from where I come from. I have to accept who I am. I am someone who comes from a family full of alcoholism and addiction. Not just one alcoholic. Not just one drug addict. But my mother's entire generation and the ones that came before her. My father as well. As a result, I suffered a lot. In some very real ways I still do.
Please don't panic when I say that I surrender. What I am really saying is that no matter what I do, I am still recovering from a tough upbringing and virtually all of the mistakes I have made in my adult life have a lot to do with me desperately doing anything I can to run from the pain and void I have within my heart. Horrible relationships, horrible friendships, and a horrible relationship with myself. I give up on trying things 'my way.' I can't continue to forget about recovery just because I don't bring myself around my family. Just because I spend holidays alone, I visit like once a year, and I live a successful life doesn't mean that I am "finished" recovering. Its a life long process for me too. Not just the alcoholics and drug addicts in my family.
I am hurt. I deeply hurt. I know they will never change. At least I know I can't do anything to make them change. They can't support me. They can't help me reach my dreams of becoming a Nurse Practitioner. I have to do all of that on my own. I don't have a warm, fluffy family to spend the holidays with. I am alone. I have to find support and healthy relationships. I have to be the mother and father I never had. I have to heal myself before I can be in a healthy relationship and possible marriage someday. I have to be careful about the friends I choose and the people I allow close to my heart.
I was a whirlwind, a tornado. I created a path of destruction while trying to fill up a hole left by neglect, manipulation, and emotional abuse created by growing up in such a sad environment.
I am tired. I am so tired of making the same mistakes all over again. I am ready to stop and be still for a little while. To stand in front of the mirror and look into my own heart. I do believe I have made a lot of progress. I have done a really good job. I am just ready to try something new now. To try recovery. To embrace the 12 steps. To surrender to a higher power and let that surrender fill my void. Instead of looking for a man to fill it. I am ready to face the void without any cushion or relationship to distract me from doing it. I surrender and I am ready to let go and reach out to others like me.
So....can I have a hug?
Love,
Lily :ghug3
I first joined SoberRecovery when I was 19 years old and struggling through undergrad. I am now 27 years old. I am a nursing student and I also work as a CNA. Like everyone else here, I have been through a lot. I don't know who remembers me or my story. I come today to tell you all that I surrender. I cannot keep running from where I come from. I have to accept who I am. I am someone who comes from a family full of alcoholism and addiction. Not just one alcoholic. Not just one drug addict. But my mother's entire generation and the ones that came before her. My father as well. As a result, I suffered a lot. In some very real ways I still do.
Please don't panic when I say that I surrender. What I am really saying is that no matter what I do, I am still recovering from a tough upbringing and virtually all of the mistakes I have made in my adult life have a lot to do with me desperately doing anything I can to run from the pain and void I have within my heart. Horrible relationships, horrible friendships, and a horrible relationship with myself. I give up on trying things 'my way.' I can't continue to forget about recovery just because I don't bring myself around my family. Just because I spend holidays alone, I visit like once a year, and I live a successful life doesn't mean that I am "finished" recovering. Its a life long process for me too. Not just the alcoholics and drug addicts in my family.
I am hurt. I deeply hurt. I know they will never change. At least I know I can't do anything to make them change. They can't support me. They can't help me reach my dreams of becoming a Nurse Practitioner. I have to do all of that on my own. I don't have a warm, fluffy family to spend the holidays with. I am alone. I have to find support and healthy relationships. I have to be the mother and father I never had. I have to heal myself before I can be in a healthy relationship and possible marriage someday. I have to be careful about the friends I choose and the people I allow close to my heart.
I was a whirlwind, a tornado. I created a path of destruction while trying to fill up a hole left by neglect, manipulation, and emotional abuse created by growing up in such a sad environment.
I am tired. I am so tired of making the same mistakes all over again. I am ready to stop and be still for a little while. To stand in front of the mirror and look into my own heart. I do believe I have made a lot of progress. I have done a really good job. I am just ready to try something new now. To try recovery. To embrace the 12 steps. To surrender to a higher power and let that surrender fill my void. Instead of looking for a man to fill it. I am ready to face the void without any cushion or relationship to distract me from doing it. I surrender and I am ready to let go and reach out to others like me.
So....can I have a hug?
Love,
Lily :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lily))) :ghug3
Yes, you can have lots of hugs.
I'm sorry for all that you have been through, but am glad to hear that you are doing your best to move away from the dysfunction in your family.
Lots of hugs and prayers,
Amy
Yes, you can have lots of hugs.I'm sorry for all that you have been through, but am glad to hear that you are doing your best to move away from the dysfunction in your family.
Lots of hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Lily))) Good for you, sweetie, that you recognize what you need to work on. that is big! when you come from a family like yours, and mine . I did the same, looked for love and acceptance, when I needed to give it to myself, and I could not function in relationships, due to that. picked the wrong men every time.
I am sending you a biiiiiiiiiiiigggggggg hhhhuuuuuugggggg!
chicory
I am sending you a biiiiiiiiiiiigggggggg hhhhuuuuuugggggg!
chicory
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Yo Def !!! of course I remember you 
Welcome "home" We understand what you mean by "surrender", this is one place where you don't have to explain yourself.
Check out the ACoA forum, lots of good stuff over there in addition to here.
Mike
Welcome "home"
We understand what you mean by "surrender", this is one place where you don't have to explain yourself.Check out the ACoA forum, lots of good stuff over there in addition to here.
Mike
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
