Well, moderation didn't work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Well, moderation didn't work.
I've recently reached the sad conclusion that I'm going to have to totally quit alcohol, because I have been unsuccessful with moderation. It always starts around 5:00; I want to relax after a long day, and I start sipping wine. I intend to just have a glass, maybe two. But by the time I go to bed, I've put away an entire bottle. Sometimes more. I'm not falling over or anything, but I know I'm drinking too much.
For me, the most challenging thing is that my husband won't consider quitting, so how on earth am I supposed to avoid temptation when it's being brought into my house on a daily basis?
I'm thinking I might just go off to the book store or a yoga class or something when he gets home, that way I remove myself from the whole evening ritual thing, you know? I don't want to have to avoid him forever, but what else can I do? Any thoughts would be welcome.
For me, the most challenging thing is that my husband won't consider quitting, so how on earth am I supposed to avoid temptation when it's being brought into my house on a daily basis?
I'm thinking I might just go off to the book store or a yoga class or something when he gets home, that way I remove myself from the whole evening ritual thing, you know? I don't want to have to avoid him forever, but what else can I do? Any thoughts would be welcome.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Hi Luling
It is hard to accept that moderation doesn't work, but then again you won't find anyone on here who hasn't tried to disprove that , me included.
The first drink does the damage, so hold that in your head
With your husband, fair enough if he doesn't want to stop, your recovery is the only one you can manage
However, he will need to support you in your recovery. Don't try and make him stop, but try and see if he can support you in stopping
At the very least he has a sober driver guaranteed (not a great answer, but a start)
Oh, and sober is fab, so welcome and work towards that
Billy
It is hard to accept that moderation doesn't work, but then again you won't find anyone on here who hasn't tried to disprove that , me included.
The first drink does the damage, so hold that in your head
With your husband, fair enough if he doesn't want to stop, your recovery is the only one you can manage
However, he will need to support you in your recovery. Don't try and make him stop, but try and see if he can support you in stopping
At the very least he has a sober driver guaranteed (not a great answer, but a start)
Oh, and sober is fab, so welcome and work towards that
Billy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Maybe you can tell him you are concerned with your acohol consumption and you want to quit...Maybe he'll support you. Maybe he'll join you....Who knows...Take care of yourself...I'd probably go to an AA meeting when he got home to drink....Because that would be the best place for me to be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I think your idea of a substitute activity in the evening is good. A yoga class is relaxing and you can concentrate on something besides cocktail hour. you don't say if your husband drinks normally or not, but I think you telling him you feel that booze affects you is important and ask for support.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I am glad that you've decided you need to stop drinking.
The fact your husband drinks should not be a deterrent from you stopping. Hopefully he will be considerate with his drinking, but leaving the house and doing other things is a great solution to the problem.
The fact your husband drinks should not be a deterrent from you stopping. Hopefully he will be considerate with his drinking, but leaving the house and doing other things is a great solution to the problem.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 47
I also learned that moderation wouldnt work for me. My plan to moderate always had the potential to go out the window once I had my first drink. Most of the time it was fine but the disasters that would occur when I failed are what ultimately led me to quit for good
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
Welcome neighbor!
It's possible that you could be a shining example of how cool life can be in sobriety for your husband. It's also possible he may not be interested. I find my recovery improves the most when I focus on what I am doing to better my life...I can get so lost in what everyone around me is doing. Like trying to help someone get that speck out of their eye while I ignore the log in mine. Either way, best of luck.
Not sure if you have visited us in AA yet. Plenty of meetings where you are. It was the catalyst for the Freedom I have today.
It's possible that you could be a shining example of how cool life can be in sobriety for your husband. It's also possible he may not be interested. I find my recovery improves the most when I focus on what I am doing to better my life...I can get so lost in what everyone around me is doing. Like trying to help someone get that speck out of their eye while I ignore the log in mine. Either way, best of luck.
Not sure if you have visited us in AA yet. Plenty of meetings where you are. It was the catalyst for the Freedom I have today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
My husband does drink too much; I'd say he's about the same as I am. He knows it's too much, but won't consider quitting at this point.
I did tell him that I think I drink too much and am going to have to quit, and he is supportive. I'm not giving him a hard time about his own habit, but I do hope he decides to join me at some point.
So I've thought about AA and have even looked at the website, but I'm really nervous:
1. What if I bump into someone I know?
2. I'm kind of reserved in groups of people, especially in a brand new setting such as this.
3. I would feel embarrassed. I don't know why, I just would.
4. Is there a book I have to get first?
Yikes.
I did tell him that I think I drink too much and am going to have to quit, and he is supportive. I'm not giving him a hard time about his own habit, but I do hope he decides to join me at some point.
So I've thought about AA and have even looked at the website, but I'm really nervous:
1. What if I bump into someone I know?
2. I'm kind of reserved in groups of people, especially in a brand new setting such as this.
3. I would feel embarrassed. I don't know why, I just would.
4. Is there a book I have to get first?
Yikes.
A man on a mission
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by Luling 
My husband does drink too much; I'd say he's about the same as I am. He knows it's too much, but won't consider quitting at this point.
I did tell him that I think I drink too much and am going to have to quit, and he is supportive. I'm not giving him a hard time about his own habit, but I do hope he decides to join me at some point.
So I've thought about AA and have even looked at the website, but I'm really nervous:
1. What if I bump into someone I know?
2. I'm kind of reserved in groups of people, especially in a brand new setting such as this.
3. I would feel embarrassed. I don't know why, I just would.
4. Is there a book I have to get first?
Yikes.
I did tell him that I think I drink too much and am going to have to quit, and he is supportive. I'm not giving him a hard time about his own habit, but I do hope he decides to join me at some point.
So I've thought about AA and have even looked at the website, but I'm really nervous:
1. What if I bump into someone I know?
2. I'm kind of reserved in groups of people, especially in a brand new setting such as this.
3. I would feel embarrassed. I don't know why, I just would.
4. Is there a book I have to get first?
Yikes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wis
Posts: 172
Just go if you think it is the best for you. I have gone to a few meetings and have seen one person I know. One of the A's is for anonymous so try not to worry about that. As for your husband. Try talking to him about your problem. He may be supportive. If not you still have to take care of you. Do what you need to do to stay sober. I know you can do it.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by Luling
... how on earth am I supposed to avoid temptation when it's being brought into my house on a daily basis?
I'm thinking I might just go off to the book store or a yoga class or something when he gets home, that way I remove myself from the whole evening ritual thing, you know? I don't want to have to avoid him forever, but what else can I do? Any thoughts would be welcome.
What others are doing around you will have no bearing on your actions.
We learn to grow up, and not rely on our feelings.
Join the gym, join AA, plant a garden...better yet...find a sober activity that you both can do together...something that he could do with you in the evenings but that he would stay sober with you while doing this activity.
Trick him!
Think of something great. Now that the weather is nice, maybe it could be biking, or hiking, or a landscaping project...be creative...something outdoors so it's not being home and drinking.
If you can motivate him to do something, he won't be home drinking with you watching.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
My main problem with moderation, aside from the fact that it didn't work for me, is that I have to think about drinking all the time--my "alcoholic voice" pesters me like a five year old in a toy store. After a month of sobriety he finally started to shut up once in a while and now that I'm seven months in I barely ever hear him.
Having a supportive drinking spouse can be a good thing. It gives you a safe place to practice sobriety in a drinking world.
I don't go to AA, my community is so small, but I have lots of friends who do so I guess I might as well. I have found AA to be extremely useful, even without being a member. All their "cliches" really work.
Having a supportive drinking spouse can be a good thing. It gives you a safe place to practice sobriety in a drinking world.
I don't go to AA, my community is so small, but I have lots of friends who do so I guess I might as well. I have found AA to be extremely useful, even without being a member. All their "cliches" really work.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
The attempt and failure to moderate with alcohol for me means that my ego is out of balance. It means i need to bring my ego down and my humility up. Also, it's a reminder that i am truly powerless against alcohol. I used to be terribly mad. Almost raging mad at the idea that i couldn't drink. Now it's more a dull ache. I'm allergic to it. I'd rather be allergic to alcohol than shellfish! It's just something that can no longer be a part of my life because it's dangerous to my health and can kill me. I can't will away my allergy/addiction and that's fine. I accept it with humility and give myself over toward a sober life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 12
This is not good for my cause.
I first posted in here a little while ago and I think I'm hoping that moderation will work. Of course, the more I read on this site (after posting)...the more I see that people don't succeed with this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Hey Luling...Everbody that goes to AA has had a first meeting...We all felt the same as you. Take a look at this website...It answers a lot of questions....Including fear, I hope at least you try one.
Your First AA Meeting<
Your First AA Meeting<
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Godzilla
This is something I worry about as well and is one of the things that keeps me away from NA meetings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
So I've thought about AA and have even looked at the website, but I'm really nervous:
1. What if I bump into someone I know?
2. I'm kind of reserved in groups of people, especially in a brand new setting such as this.
3. I would feel embarrassed. I don't know why, I just would.
4. Is there a book I have to get first.
good on ya for seein the problem.
1) didja care iffen people saw ya drunk?? i will guarantee that iffen ya run into someone ya know they will be very glad to see ya doin sometyhing about yer drinkin problem.
2) no need to be concerned about that. i am sure you will get phone #'s from others in recovery and will be able to meet one on one. over time, this will get better.
3) being told what i had done and said the night before was quite embarrassing. going to meetings to get the help i wanted is nothig to be embarrassed about.
4) no books you have to get 1st. we have a book( we call it the Big Book). it titled Alcoholics A nonymous. it is the story of how millions of alcoholics have recovered from alcoholism.
1. What if I bump into someone I know?
2. I'm kind of reserved in groups of people, especially in a brand new setting such as this.
3. I would feel embarrassed. I don't know why, I just would.
4. Is there a book I have to get first.
good on ya for seein the problem.
1) didja care iffen people saw ya drunk?? i will guarantee that iffen ya run into someone ya know they will be very glad to see ya doin sometyhing about yer drinkin problem.
2) no need to be concerned about that. i am sure you will get phone #'s from others in recovery and will be able to meet one on one. over time, this will get better.
3) being told what i had done and said the night before was quite embarrassing. going to meetings to get the help i wanted is nothig to be embarrassed about.
4) no books you have to get 1st. we have a book( we call it the Big Book). it titled Alcoholics A nonymous. it is the story of how millions of alcoholics have recovered from alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Welcome!
Once you make up your mind to quit, nothing will stop you.
Yoga sounds good.
Maybe try an AA meeting?
Your husband might be an inspiration when you have been to yoga, AA, out for coffee.... and come home to him asleep on the couch drooling.
He might join you!:ghug3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
