Love is loud
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: MB
Posts: 2
Love is loud
To begin this thread I need to say that I myself was a big substance abuser before I began dating my alcoholic boyfriend.
My name is Ange and my ex is Francis (lets call him Fran) we had been friends for 5 years before we started dating he also lives 2 hours away. I was an addict and Fran was an alcoholic and a pill addict before we started dating. Though we never drank or did drugs together prior to use becoming a couple. We talked about our experiences with alcohol and drugs and he helped me through a very difficult time cause I was raped and abused by a previous ex/BF and another guy raped me than I got jumped by numerous girls. Fran was the only person I could talk to and I was his honest escape as well.
When we first started dating I asked him to have a drink or smoke some weed and he said no which was weird but I got it out of him and he said he didn't want our relationship to revolve around drugs and alcohol. It felt good hearing that anyhow the next date we went on we ended up having a drink together and went swimming it was kind of like the first time you do any drug or drink for the first time it felt amazing and I had already felt great that I was with him my best friend always honest and sweet and would never let me pay for anything even though I tried and he'd say I was being difficult if he didn't have money I had to be all cute and beg him to eat cause he would hardly eat for an entire weekend unless he bought it. Anyhow I met some of his family a few of his brothers and his sister and most of his friends they all loved me and they kept telling me how much Franc talks about me telling me that he loves me so much and that we were cute together. This was only heard when they were all drinking together because that was the only time they'd all hang out together. Anyhow I know he loved me cause he'd tell me constantly sober even when he was drunk constantly would tell me. Also he would always help pay for my trips when I'd go see him and after I returned home at the end of July he kept asking me if he could pick me up instead of my mom driving me since I don't have a licence. I said yeah but he disappeared at the beginning of november.
We had contact from August to the end of November that's when it stopped. Before we completely lost contact he'd still occasionally call me or message me. He'd continue telling me he loves me and that I should keep my head up and that he was sorry.
In mid November I was on facebook and I seen his sister posted something and I said asked her how she was and I missed them And she replied to me with a private message saying that they missed me too and asking when I would be around next. I told her idk if Fran wants to see me I haven't heard from him in a while. She ended up reassuring me that he wanted to see me and that he missed me.
I ended up going to see him in December and he acted a little different distant in his own being but still acted loving and comforting towards me especially since he was drinking a lot. I decided to face my fears ( while i was sober, him too) and not look at what might become of what I'm about to say or how he would react and tell this man how I felt for a long time and it was that I felt he was the one person for me and I couldn't live without him and that I was hurt and angry that he would disappear like that. Since I was scared to tell him but I did any ways my expressions showed that fear. After I said it he looked at me with a calm look and said you didn't have to worry about saying that I've felt that way for a long time it's hard though I know and he kissed me on the forehead and we relaxed.
After that we stayed in touch for 3 more weeks and the last couple of messages I got one was from him drinking with friends and that he was sorry and another was that he's sorry he's a pos and that he loved me and he hoped to dream about me and that was all since the end of december.
I've tried contacting his sister cause I have her as friends on facebook she won't get back to me I have her number somewhere same with his cousins number but I don't know. I feel as though I should let him overcome whatever he needs to on his own I know he loves me but he doesn't love himself being abandoned as child and always living around drugs it's hard I know my father is a crack addict that crap will destroy you. I hope that one day he can love himself as I love him. He changed my life even though I did drink with him when we dated but he never pressured me to and if I wasn't he wasn't he wasn't I'm thankful for everything he has done for me I wish he knew that
Sorry to make this so long I had to get it out I will accept any advice or similar situation or your own opinion. There is a lot more to this story than I can sit here and write right now nothing bad I mentioned all of the stuff that's brought me down. I'm still depressed and cry myself to sleep some nights and sometimes go into fits of anger or wish he'd come back but I accept it in an awkward way I still feel as though he'll come around when he is ready loved ones always do.
Thanks and goodluck all! :ghug3
My name is Ange and my ex is Francis (lets call him Fran) we had been friends for 5 years before we started dating he also lives 2 hours away. I was an addict and Fran was an alcoholic and a pill addict before we started dating. Though we never drank or did drugs together prior to use becoming a couple. We talked about our experiences with alcohol and drugs and he helped me through a very difficult time cause I was raped and abused by a previous ex/BF and another guy raped me than I got jumped by numerous girls. Fran was the only person I could talk to and I was his honest escape as well.
When we first started dating I asked him to have a drink or smoke some weed and he said no which was weird but I got it out of him and he said he didn't want our relationship to revolve around drugs and alcohol. It felt good hearing that anyhow the next date we went on we ended up having a drink together and went swimming it was kind of like the first time you do any drug or drink for the first time it felt amazing and I had already felt great that I was with him my best friend always honest and sweet and would never let me pay for anything even though I tried and he'd say I was being difficult if he didn't have money I had to be all cute and beg him to eat cause he would hardly eat for an entire weekend unless he bought it. Anyhow I met some of his family a few of his brothers and his sister and most of his friends they all loved me and they kept telling me how much Franc talks about me telling me that he loves me so much and that we were cute together. This was only heard when they were all drinking together because that was the only time they'd all hang out together. Anyhow I know he loved me cause he'd tell me constantly sober even when he was drunk constantly would tell me. Also he would always help pay for my trips when I'd go see him and after I returned home at the end of July he kept asking me if he could pick me up instead of my mom driving me since I don't have a licence. I said yeah but he disappeared at the beginning of november.
We had contact from August to the end of November that's when it stopped. Before we completely lost contact he'd still occasionally call me or message me. He'd continue telling me he loves me and that I should keep my head up and that he was sorry.
In mid November I was on facebook and I seen his sister posted something and I said asked her how she was and I missed them And she replied to me with a private message saying that they missed me too and asking when I would be around next. I told her idk if Fran wants to see me I haven't heard from him in a while. She ended up reassuring me that he wanted to see me and that he missed me.
I ended up going to see him in December and he acted a little different distant in his own being but still acted loving and comforting towards me especially since he was drinking a lot. I decided to face my fears ( while i was sober, him too) and not look at what might become of what I'm about to say or how he would react and tell this man how I felt for a long time and it was that I felt he was the one person for me and I couldn't live without him and that I was hurt and angry that he would disappear like that. Since I was scared to tell him but I did any ways my expressions showed that fear. After I said it he looked at me with a calm look and said you didn't have to worry about saying that I've felt that way for a long time it's hard though I know and he kissed me on the forehead and we relaxed.
After that we stayed in touch for 3 more weeks and the last couple of messages I got one was from him drinking with friends and that he was sorry and another was that he's sorry he's a pos and that he loved me and he hoped to dream about me and that was all since the end of december.
I've tried contacting his sister cause I have her as friends on facebook she won't get back to me I have her number somewhere same with his cousins number but I don't know. I feel as though I should let him overcome whatever he needs to on his own I know he loves me but he doesn't love himself being abandoned as child and always living around drugs it's hard I know my father is a crack addict that crap will destroy you. I hope that one day he can love himself as I love him. He changed my life even though I did drink with him when we dated but he never pressured me to and if I wasn't he wasn't he wasn't I'm thankful for everything he has done for me I wish he knew that
Sorry to make this so long I had to get it out I will accept any advice or similar situation or your own opinion. There is a lot more to this story than I can sit here and write right now nothing bad I mentioned all of the stuff that's brought me down. I'm still depressed and cry myself to sleep some nights and sometimes go into fits of anger or wish he'd come back but I accept it in an awkward way I still feel as though he'll come around when he is ready loved ones always do.
Thanks and goodluck all! :ghug3
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Angie, this has been a long distance relationship and often it is hard to see the real person when you have only seen him on occasion.
He isn't contacting you, his family is probably avoiding getting in the middle (smart family) and perhaps you are wasting your love and your time waiting for a man who is clearly not available...and who is an active addict/alcoholic.
Your own sobriety is worth much more than all this. YOU are worth so much more than all this.
Instead of crying and wasting your energy on a man who has nothing to give, maybe re-focus on yourself and start living again.
Hugs
He isn't contacting you, his family is probably avoiding getting in the middle (smart family) and perhaps you are wasting your love and your time waiting for a man who is clearly not available...and who is an active addict/alcoholic.
Your own sobriety is worth much more than all this. YOU are worth so much more than all this.
Instead of crying and wasting your energy on a man who has nothing to give, maybe re-focus on yourself and start living again.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Angie
I have been obsessed and depressed over a man before (it's been a long time) and I remember the feeling and it's awful. As I have grown older and matured, I can look back at those periods and recognize how very focused I was on someone else and not on my own wellbeing.
In my experience, a healthy, loving relationship is well worth the wait. I hope you use this time to work on yourself and your own life so that you can be ready when the opportunity to have a healthy, loving relationship comes along.
You can be as strong and happy as you will allow yourself to be.
gentle hugs
ke
I have been obsessed and depressed over a man before (it's been a long time) and I remember the feeling and it's awful. As I have grown older and matured, I can look back at those periods and recognize how very focused I was on someone else and not on my own wellbeing.
In my experience, a healthy, loving relationship is well worth the wait. I hope you use this time to work on yourself and your own life so that you can be ready when the opportunity to have a healthy, loving relationship comes along.
You can be as strong and happy as you will allow yourself to be.
gentle hugs
ke
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