GracieJane

I am 50 days sober today and while I'm very, very happy about it, I also find myself thinking - now and then out of the blue - about the past, and the years I've wasted, and the bad and life-changing decisions I've made under the influence. It makes me incredibly sad.

I know this is wasted energy, and the past is the past, and I push the thoughts away when they pop up so I don't dwell. "Fear is stupid. So are regrets." Anyone have some words of wisdom to add to Marilyn's?

Sapling

Nothing an honest and fearless 4th through 9th step won't take care of.

Lenina

gracieJane,

For me, my regrets helped make me a better person today. Yes, I'm sorry for some things but ultimately, I grew because of them. I now have a greater compassion, am less judgmental ands am willing to meaningful changes for the better in my own life.

We can't change the past but we can move on for the better. I hoped this helps.

Love from Lenina

Saliena

Regrets for all the **** I have done is the hardest thing for me to overcome. I mean honestly overcome. I am still working on forgiving myself. But, I do know that truly now I am a better more honest person for all the things I did in the past.

GracieJane

Forgiving myself - that's an angle I haven't fully explored. Thank you!

CarolD

How about this? Write them down as they surface ..spend 5 minutes
on reflection burn the paper.

I've also used a God box ..putting them aside for x time ..lettting go ..letting God heal.

Well done on your sober time...

Anna

I love Carol's idea.

And, I found that journalling helped too.

And, yes forgiving yourself is hard to do, but it's the greatest gift you can give yourself. It doesn't minimize what happened, but it enables you to carry on without the burden on your shoulders.

DisplacedGRITS

I keep my regrets close to my heart, forgive them but remember them and learn from them. They help make me the person i am today and i am grateful for every lesson they have taught me. Looking at them in this way has helped me find a kind of beauty in them.

Challenged1

Here are a couple~

"It's never too late to be what you might have been"~George Eliot

"I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."~Thomas Edison

Easyrider

Mistakes you've made while intoxicated should be encouragement never to drink/drug again so that you know you'll never be wasted to have any more regrets.

Michael66

Hi Gracie,

I think you have to learn to forgive yourself. Sometimes that may be easier when there is someone else who can assure you of forgiveness.

hector

I'm finding out that the best way to deal with regrets is to change who I am. I'm in the midst of a complete personality change. It's difficult and slow, but so worth it. I'm taking a fresh look at steps 1 through 7. The result is that I'm changing how I behave. The Promises are coming true, finally. I can't change the past. I can't change what I've done or who I was. But I sure can change the present. I can change who I am and who I will be. The catalyst for me was listening to Joe and Charlie's Big Book Study recordings. They're available online in other sites.

If I change who I am, I no longer have to regret who I was.

bryangt

On another front, use those past experiences & mistakes to help others...passing on your knowledge of what you now know didn't work or was wrong so newcomers can avoid those mistakes. That is a great way to cancel out the negatives. I know it's hard, but with time it can get easier.

Sapling

This is correct....And you can't change your past...But you can use it to benefit other sick and suffering alcoholics. That's how it works.

TooYoungForThis

I am new to the site but you couldnt have spoken truer words unless they were from my own lips. In less than a week I will be a year sober and I seem to keep catching myself wondering what if, who have I hurt, was it all worth it?

I think the thing that helps me the most is realizing what all I have gained from and through my sobriety. I now have a great job, beautiful house, great family and a better understanding of myself.

I am no longer waking up at 4 in the afternoon with shakes, no longer broke, no longer abandoning my responsibilities, no longer embarrassing my family, working on my trust with people and less manipulation.

It will take time but I really appreciate your post...

Thanks

TooYoungForThis

Hevyn

I struggled with this so much in the beginning, I almost wanted to get numb again. I decided to acknowledge what I'd done, fix what I could, but then allow myself to move on. We can't enjoy the beautiful new life we have ahead of us with one foot in the past. I don't believe we're meant to suffer forever for things we didn't even intend to do in the first place. That person I was when I was drinking bears no resemblance to the real me. Alcohol made me into a person I don't even recognize now. I hope you will reach out for a new day and enjoy what you have left, Gracie.

Congrats on your 50 fantastic days.

Jitterbugg

Hi Gracie,
I also struggle with guilt and shame for my past transgressions. It was easy to deal with when I was drinking since peace of mind was only a trip to the liquor store away, but now that I'm sober I can't just numb my thoughts. The positive aspect of my regrets is that it keeps me on the right path as I don't wan't to ever cause that kind of hurt to people ever again.

TooYoungForThis

“I personally believe this: We have only today; yesterday's gone and tomorrow is uncertain. That's why they call it the present. And sobriety really is a gift... for those who are willing to receive it.”
― Ace Frehley, No Regrets

Zebra1275

Nothing an honest and fearless 4th through 9th step won't take care of.

True. Learning to forgive yourself is a part of that.

The passage of time also helps, but if you rely on this alone you will find that it takes too long.

miamifella

I think eventually you can come to embrace regret. The memories of foolish action become a chance to practice insight rather than self-recrimination. Regret is part of the human condition. I think drug and alcohol use are often attempts to escape the regret that is part of the ordinary sadnesses that are present in any normal life.

My mistakes and foolishness got me where I am. And I am grateful to them for that, because I like where I am.