Doingfine

When I got into drugs about 7 years ago or so I invited a friend and introduced her to the party scene.

She went from someone with a job and nice apartment to now living on the streets and has the most terrible stories you could ever here.

She has been abused, raped, robbed.

I feel guilty that I introduced her to drugs. These days I am doing really well. Got a great job, boyfriend, quit everything even smoking.

She is saying in a women's shelter and I begged her to go into a rehab program and get some counselling. I asked her if this is her rock bottom but she said she isn't sure.

She is codependent with her meth using boyfriend.

No idea how to help. I gave her a suitcase today and some clothes as hers got stolen. And took her to a buffet. And tried to explain how much easier life will be only she quits. Let her know I will help her find a rehab place if she decides to come back to the land of the living.

What else can you do?

Kindeyes

There is not much you can do for her other than model a good sober life for her.

There is no amount of cajoling, begging, pleading, arguing that can make an addict want to change. It definitely has to come from deep within them. She'll quit when she's good and ready......and not one minute sooner.

gentle hugs
ke

Doingfine

I'm just afraid I will find out she has died. I told her that too

Doingfine

Is there anything specifically that anyone can think of that I could say that might hit home? I know I can't make her go for help

Doingfine

I'm so sad right now thinking of all this. Brings back my past. Could use a friend to talk to that's been there

crazybabie

Is there anything anyone could have said to you when you was active using? I am doubting so IMO, she will have too find her own rock bottom. I know this, is not what you want to hear. Cold hard facts are we are all in the same boat here. Please don't let your guilt get to you yes, you may have introduced them to her but did you make her take or use?

I do understand why you feel the guilt if your not going to any meetings now you may wanna consider doing that for yourself.

Doingfine

Thanks Angie, I know some meetings would definately do good. And I should accept the things that I cannot change.

Her sketchy boyfriend told me I looked a bit nervous. I said, being around this is hard. I still think about coming downtown and getting high but have too much to lose now. Back then I felt I had nothing to lose.

crazybabie

May I ask how long you have been clean?

Doingfine

U r also right about nothing anyone said could have made me stop, I found my rock bottom. But my bottom seemed to have a spring on it and I bounced back so well that nobody could believe it. I believe all the praying I did finally took affect. Lol

Doingfine

I stopped using 4 years ago. Went and picked up a few times after that and realized that I was happier not being high than being high

Went through a consumer proposal, because of the 50000 in debt that I had racked up. Just about have it payed off now. That took almost 4 years. Also 4 yeas ago I got arrested, and used my last bit of money to get a good lawyer and it is not even on record that the police took me I that day.

Also at that time I had a miscarriage, my mom found out, the family were all talking about me. She kicked me out and we didn't talk for months. That was my rock bottom.

I was living with my mom after my divorce from an abuser.

Doingfine

Got a good job right at that time and an apartment in a beautiful village. Started going to meetings, doing aerobics, hiking, it was a beautiful place. I volunteered at a retirement home, went swimming, got back into my painting, rEd books.

Really started living again

Vale

I wish there was something I could have said to the person I cared about
as she descended into oxy hell. SR helped quite a bit. It weans you from
the BS notion that "Your" addict is somehow special,different,etc---and
that there was NO WAY she was as bad off as "all those regular drug
addicts"....
I thank SR and some gifted posters for waking me up. I now know when
people fall out of airplanes---they FALL. NONE of them have special
powers---NONE of them love life so much they are exempt from gravity.

They choose recovery....or impact----No exceptions. All it was in my
power to do as a codie is watch.....and decide whether I wanted to stand
at her impact point and "catch her" (at 120mph terminal velocity!)....or
just pray that she chooses to pull the recovery ripcord.

Her choice,her life,her flight.

Psalm

All you can do is keep trying. Until she is forced to quit or hopefully makes that choice on her own. You really shouldn't beat yourself up tho. She did make the choice to use. If you didn't introduce her to it someone else may have. Making the choice to stop isn't easy and until she has had enough sadly all you can do is what your doing. It's probably getting through to her but being a friend a someone she can lean on will hopefully help. Stay strong for her and yourself.

Doingfine

Sorry, what does SR mean?

What happened to this girl? Or did you just have to walk away for your own sanity?

Doingfine

We have long periods of no contact because she is homeless so I then get scared and Facebook her and eventually she gets back to me.

I know it was her past that made her into an addict and not me.

It's really sad to watch someone go through this. She is skin and bones now and her teeth are brownish

crazybabie

SR, stands for Sober Recovery there is a list at the top of the forum that shows the abbreviations.

Vale

crazybabie beat me to it! (SR=SoberRecovery)
Don't really know what her status is.My desire for my sanity (and taking my life back)
overrides my curiosity as to her fate. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
if I contacted her,she would give me zero information (only lies) coupled
with a heartfelt request for more money.
Been there,done that.

sevenofnine

modeling good behavior makes a lot of sense to me-showing your friend that you would love to be there for her enjoying healthy stuff like cooking, gardening, exercising (walking with friends is immensely pleasant), learning new hobbies like sewing or woodwork (and its fine if you are both terrible at it), or for the less up-and-at-them types- renting/downloading videos and making theme nights with theme snacks or sitting in the sun reading super trashy magazines and laughing together.
I'm trying to remind myself to do all these things, to have a life that isn't just 100%crisis mode, but I think (admittedly as a non-A but as one who has dabbled heartily in the lifestyles) that doing these things was an important part of my own decision making process to turn away from drugs and look for new pastimes. I just really started thinking about how these things seemed to bring a more authentic happiness. Probably none of that logic would make much of an impact on someone in the throws of physical addiction, but the actual participation in healthy behaviors, and the self esteem that comes with accomplishing something (even if its just catching up with how the stars are "just like us" together and having a laugh as a pair) would be helpful for anyone's (including yours) recovery process.

zoso77

No, there isn't. I understand your fears. You don't want to lose someone you care about.

Think about what you did when you decided enough was enough. You made a choice, and you followed through on that choice. Obviously, it wasn't easy, but you rode it out. No one made you do it, did they?

It's up to your friend to decide, as you did, enough is enough. Keep the focus on you and your recovery. Pray for your friend. Allow her the dignity to make her own decisions, for good or for ill. I hope she makes it, as you have.

ZoSo

Limiya

I feel for you. It must be horrible when you feel guilty for introducing her to the party scene. I am guessing that's a big reason you feel so responsible for helping her to get sober, so the guilt can ease up a bit?
You're not responsible for where she is now. She makes her own choices as we all do.
You're in a great place here. People are really supportive and have usually been there and done that.
I wish i could have talked my bf into not using drugs. Life would be so much different now.
Live your life with happiness and a model of good sobriety as others have said. She knows you care about her. And i'm sure when the time comes when she wants to quite, she'll come to you for advice.
It's a helpless feeling we all know well here.

Welcome.