chronsweet

I feel like beating my head into a rock today. I have stayed so strong lately in not telling my ABF's mother about A's problems. I thought I would give it 'one last ditch effort' to try to get him some help before making my decision to leave.

Of course at first she is receptive of the information but after she talks to her son she starts threatening me with freaking custody of my kid. I am seriously a good mom. I provide for my son, take care of him, buy all his stuff, and I am clean and sober. I am 'all good' until I want to leave her son.

I know, I can already hear all of you wise SR people (and my mom) telling me it is none of her damn business what I do with my life. Why do I care some much? I just have this overwhelming need to try to make everything work out for everyone involved. I really want her to have a relationship with my son because she is good to him BUT she is only good to me if she can control and manipulate me into staying with her freaking addict son. I have been with him 5 years and he has been drinking 20, it's like WTH! He started drinking at 13 years old. She freaking abandoned him for quite some time and she has the audacity to try to tell me I am crazy because I have used the word hate in my vocabulary. I can't wrap my head around it. Well, I guess I can, I am freaking co-dependent in this relationship to almost an extermination level event of my psyche and soul.

I have blocked her texts AGAIN, and I swear I am NOT ever going to remove the block. She tries emailing me incriminating things that aren't even freaking TRUE and lies about her own culpability. Has anyone ever experienced a family member who is just so completely enabling and manipulative who acts like a friend and then just stabs you in the back?? She seems like a twisted information collector who pulls out crap that is five years old to try to 'hold me in place' as her freaking son's surrogate mother.

Sorry to rant, I am just so mad at her, at MYSELF mostly for believing AGAIN that I could trust her. It's like how many times does someone have to screw me over for it to finally get through my brain????????

Thanks for listening, please be gentle on me, because I tell you what I have been an emotional basket case for DAYS over ABF's drinking and my stupidity in trying to think ONCE AGAIN that perhaps this 'one last time' possible I can make a dang difference.

FindingJoy

Please put the bat down it doesn't help. Do something different this time and treat yourself with kindness. What would you say if I was the one who posted? Would you say that I'm a stupid sucker blah blah blah. I doubt you would as clearly you are a very loving a kind person. Give yourself some of that love for once instead of giving it all away to people who don't cherish it.

I went back to my RXAB at least 50 times..he has been sober for 9 months and the same insane train is rolling. What causes him to drink and pop pills and binge eat and over caffeinate is what makes him a mean selfish entitled little boy with or with the alcohol or drugs. I didn't cause this, create it and I've run my butt into the ground with exhaustion trying to cure it and guess what I CANT.

You can't either but what you can do just or today is be kind compassionate and loving to yourself. You are human and love a very sick person...its ok and do something nurturing for yourself a bath, a map, a yummy meal, a distracting movie or TV show....take care of you like you take care of everyone else.

Big hug

dollydo

"Has anyone ever experienced a family member who is just so completely enabling and manipulative who acts like a friend and then just stabs you in the back??"

Cause blood is always thicker than water, you are a tool to her, as you are to him...not my rules, just how it works.

laurie6781

Let's look at this from a bit different angle.

I hope you have saved her text messages and emails. Are these really the
type of people you want in your child's life? Is this the type of TOXIC person
you want to have influence over your child?

I doubt it.

Now is the time, to go for child support. There is NO CONNECTION between
visitation, custody and child support. I also hope you have kept a 'journal'
of each of his binges. These will go a long way with CPS along with her nasty
text messages to see who is the better parent to have custody.

CPS has a lot of 'influence' with the family courts. This woman knows, because
you have shown her that her 'threats' work to get you to back off. Now is the
time to call her BLUFF as that is what she is doing, bluffing.

Yes, you are supplying everything your child needs. However, you are denying
him his right to step up to the plate, even if he has to have a push from the
Courts, to be a responsible ADULT and help pay for his child.

Please get the support order. Check also with the manager of your place of
residence to see what you can do to get out of your lease early.

You are finally accepting the fact that you have done everything you could
and more to 'fix' him, and nothing worked.

Now is the time to get your child into a safer environment. Oh, and guess
what? Once you find that little piece of serenity, your child will notice the
change in Mom's demeanor and will smile and laugh more, which will make
Mom (you) smile and laugh more. It is a 'Catch 22' and only good for your
child and you can come of this.

This woman is in denial and is 'trying to protect' her child the best she can.
Unfortunately, he is an adult and has some consequences to experience.

Please go forward for you and your child.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

changeschoices

She raised him. That tells you something. Don't contact her anymore because she will not side with you. Just cut her off. She doesn't want to acknowledge that her son is sick because that might reflect on her.

chronsweet

I just came home from work because ABF was suspended for a day due to being late to work the day before. What did I see, my ABF walking down the street with a beer without our son whom he was supposed to be watching. He made the excuse that our son was sleeping. I let him have it and told him he would not be supervising our son anymore without my presence until he gets sober with some help. I also caught the entire event on my iphone on video. I have been keeping a journal. I have told his mother she crossed my boundary with threatening with custody of my son and I don't want to be in her presence anymore. As of today, SR Friends, the battle is on. I will not let these people manipulate me anymore. I AM STRONG and PISSED.

Deep sigh. I have talked to my mom and will be staying with her on weekends until I can get out of here. At least me and my Iz (son) will have some peace on the weekends and I can begin to enjoy life with him instead of worrying about this awful disease.

I do wish my ABF success in the future. I do wish that he can get help and find some peace. But, I cannot cure his disease. I certainly did not cause it and I certainly cannot control him or his crazy alcoholic mother.

He assures me he would 'never take me to court' but I don't believe a word out of his lying alcoholic mouth. I am FINALLY going to listen to my mom's advice. Why is it I sometimes continue to rebel against my parental figure who has my best interests at heart? My mom has seriously never threatened my ABF with our child. The only thing she has ever said is he should have supervised visits until he can get sober, and that I am my son's mother and have to fight for his safety. My ABF's mom freaks out at the thought of ABF not having half custody for some reason. Why would a grandmother want a 2 year old to be cared for by an alcoholic, it is beyond me.

Thanks everybody, I will be leaning on you during the next few months. I have been waiting for that last straw and seeing ABF walking down the street without my son and leaving him home alone at 2 years old was the last effing straw for me.

NYCDoglvr

You are not required to speak to this woman -- this is your BOYFRIEND, not your husband. You can decided to set a boundary and not give this woman access to you or your child. Most important, is this what you want your child exposed to? Seeing someone drunk, the upheaval and chaos of living in an alcoholic home? By staying, this is what you're choosing for yourself and your son.

This is very difficult, I know. Suggest Al-anon where you'll find women who are -- or have -- gone through what you're dealing with now. Such wonderful support.

dollydo

"He assures me he would 'never take me to court' but I don't believe a word out of his lying alcoholic mouth. I am FINALLY going to listen to my mom's advice."

First off addicts do not possess the ability to follow through on anything, so I wouldn't worry about him taking you to court...why would he waste his drinking money on taking you to court? Won't do it..

And I agree with Anvil...don't leave your child with him, it is like expecting a 3 yo to watch a 3 yo.

Finally, yes, listen to your mother, she is thinking with her head, not her heart.

chronsweet

Yes, I know. That was the LAST straw seriously. Neither of them will have unsupervised access to him again. It's like I was just waiting for something like this to happen. Not that I would wish for my child to be hurt or unsupervised or that I was waiting for that exact thing to happen. But that just solidified what I know, he is a danger to the well-being of my kid, period.