akalacha

I read all these posts from women who are with alcoholics and can't let go. They know they should, they want to (most of the time) but they have trouble doing it. Hell, I WISH I could get away from my A. I do love him, just can't live with him. His drinking has gotten worse and worse. And yet I have to-live with him, that is. We sold everything we had in the U.S. to buy property together in another country. Both our names are on the title so I can't make him leave and he won't go voluntarily. I can't afford to leave and I am unable to legally work in this country. Going back to the U.S. is not an option. I have no job, home, or family there. I do have friends there, but I have friends here too. And I have animals that I love and won't leave behind. For the last 10 months we have been living in separate buildings, sharing the kitchen in the main house. I do my best to take care of and look after myself. I have friends that I spend time with, take a class twice a week, enjoy my animals, work in my garden, attend online meetings, read Alanon literature, come here to SR. I'm doing way better than I was a year ago. But the further I get in my own recovery, the more it makes me want to be away from him. I'm taking things ODAT and trusting in HP to guide me. HP did come through for me recently, I am house-sitting for some friends who are out of the country. I spend three days a week there and four days at home. So at least I get a break sometimes. OK, I'm done ranting now, thanks for ¨listening¨.

akalacha

I want to add that I am NOT criticizing those who are not ready, or choose not to leave their As. It's just that reading those posts make me think about my own situation. I realize that we are all at different places in our recovery. My place is that I want to be away, but don't know how to make that happen. Again, I am not criticizing or being judgmental. I believe we all have to support one another here, whatever our choices may be.

laurie6781

Since you say you are ready to get away from him I would suggest two things to do and see if they can be coordinated with each other.

Go to the nearest U S Embassy, tell them your story and that you need help getting back to the States.

Contact the nearest Salvation Army, tell them your story also, and ask for some help upon returning to the States for some temporary housing in whatever city you are returning to.

The U.S. Embassies will help U.S. Citizens, with a U.S. Passport that are 'stranded' in another country to get home. Also, ask them about whom to contact for 'short term assistance' once you arrive in the States.

Salvation Army is very well known for giving 'short term' assistance to those in need, be it just food, or some housing for those that have been 'stranded' overseas.

if, however, you want to stay in that country but just not with him, then I would suggest that you start talking to that country's government officials to find out what you can do to get a 'temporary work visa' and what you have to do to become a citizen of said country.

I have nothing else at the moment, but will return if I think of more.

In the meantime, please continue to post and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much. You know you can vent here, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh.

Love and hugs,

Kiana

I think many people who would otherwise happily leave (and would find it very easy to leave the A behind and never look back) choose to stay for however long for financial reasons.

Adventure

Hi Akalacha
I can associate with a huge amount of what you’re saying, this in particular....

I am in the ridiculous (my words) situation where I no longer even love my AH and don’t envision any future with him at all, regardless of whether he finds sobriety, and yet I still share a house with him. While your situation is more difficult than mine I also feel we have a lot in common. You seem very organised in keeping yourself busy, and I do this too (sometimes a little too busy). The work situation must be difficult for you, but maybe Laurie’s suggestion is something for you to think about?

I completely agree with Kiana that financial reasons are a huge part of the reason a lot of people stay, or stay longer than they should. This is definitely the case for me – complexities with land/property (not in a huge way, don’t get me wrong I’m not a property tycoon or anything lol). I have come to a realisation just this week that actually even if I have to take a hit, that I need to move on with my life for once and for all. I am absolutely sh** sick of not being able to do what I want to do. And I cannot blame AH for this, there is just something there that’s stopping me, and I can’t explain what it is. I have made contact with a recommended counsellor just this week who I really hope can help me to see what it is that’s stopping me, therefore help me overcome it.

I hope we can all continue to get stronger and get closer to living our own, independent lives soon.

Adventure