Reality hits..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Reality hits..
Recently, maybe for 5-6 days, I have been entertaining the idea of going back to my ex. I haven't acted on it, haven't called or texted him, have literally sat on my hands and stayed in touch with people who understand where I'm at and why. It's been rough emotionally but I'm still here, still keeping on keeping on!
Today I woke up and my anxiety was through the roof. I practiced my breathing techniques, meditated and did some muscle relaxation work. I finally found it in me to drag myself out of bed and into the shower which also helps when I feel an attack coming on. And I was ok
I took Daisy to nursery and then went to my DV course and I was ok. I had to take a couple of breaks to do breathing etc but I coped. I had seriously considered staying at home today and missing the things I had arranged due to my anxiety, I'm so glad I didn't. I know that I'm this way because emotionally I'm in turmoil. I feel weirdly in control right this second.
Anyway, my point. At my DV centre there are an incredible number of women who have had their children taken away due to domestic violence and substance abuse, be it their own addiction or their partner's. Many of the ladies I meet are stuck in an angry place where they can't see their own part in the situation and blame social workers, lawyers etc.
Today I met a lovely, intelligent woman around my age (early 20s). Her story could so easily have been mine. She lost her children through domestic violence and her ex's addiction. She accepted the role she had played and she was doing EVERYTHING to change her life. She was amazing, so strong and such a warm person with a positive outlook. She has lost her 6 year old forever but is in court soon to try to get her 6 month old returned. I'll be praying for her as she is truly doing amazing things.
While she was talking I kept thinking that could have been me. That could still be me if I went back. I could so easily lose my daughter if I went back to him and I do not want that to be my story. I feel like my HP has brought me to this lady today, I was seriously struggling with the idea of going back to him and meeting her has brought me back to reality.
Today I woke up and my anxiety was through the roof. I practiced my breathing techniques, meditated and did some muscle relaxation work. I finally found it in me to drag myself out of bed and into the shower which also helps when I feel an attack coming on. And I was ok
I took Daisy to nursery and then went to my DV course and I was ok. I had to take a couple of breaks to do breathing etc but I coped. I had seriously considered staying at home today and missing the things I had arranged due to my anxiety, I'm so glad I didn't. I know that I'm this way because emotionally I'm in turmoil. I feel weirdly in control right this second. Anyway, my point. At my DV centre there are an incredible number of women who have had their children taken away due to domestic violence and substance abuse, be it their own addiction or their partner's. Many of the ladies I meet are stuck in an angry place where they can't see their own part in the situation and blame social workers, lawyers etc.
Today I met a lovely, intelligent woman around my age (early 20s). Her story could so easily have been mine. She lost her children through domestic violence and her ex's addiction. She accepted the role she had played and she was doing EVERYTHING to change her life. She was amazing, so strong and such a warm person with a positive outlook. She has lost her 6 year old forever but is in court soon to try to get her 6 month old returned. I'll be praying for her as she is truly doing amazing things.
While she was talking I kept thinking that could have been me. That could still be me if I went back. I could so easily lose my daughter if I went back to him and I do not want that to be my story. I feel like my HP has brought me to this lady today, I was seriously struggling with the idea of going back to him and meeting her has brought me back to reality.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Isn't it amazing when your HP sends you the gift you need at just the right moment. I do believe that people come into our lives for a reason. There is a purpose and lesson to everything.
gentle hugs
ke
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
so glad that you had this experience with the right person at the right time. I agree with Kind Eyes regarding how amazing those experiences can be.
I left my abusive husband exactly a year ago. Being with him devastated my life and horribly impacted my children. I understand how crazy making that abusive trauma bond is because there are still moments when I feel my brain going into "maybe we could make this work". There was a book that I read about trauma bonding and it really helped me to understand that this was a real thing that occurs in DV situations and not just me being crazy in my thoughts......
I'm learning to reach out when I have those crazy thoughts and I pray for guidance and awareness. Sounds like you had a prayer answered even if you didn't know that you were praying it.
I left my abusive husband exactly a year ago. Being with him devastated my life and horribly impacted my children. I understand how crazy making that abusive trauma bond is because there are still moments when I feel my brain going into "maybe we could make this work". There was a book that I read about trauma bonding and it really helped me to understand that this was a real thing that occurs in DV situations and not just me being crazy in my thoughts......
I'm learning to reach out when I have those crazy thoughts and I pray for guidance and awareness. Sounds like you had a prayer answered even if you didn't know that you were praying it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
it's all in the actions/behaviors!!
you may have had the craving but you keep doing what you need to do...including being honest about the cravings...
bravo. good solid work on your own recovery.
blessings!
you may have had the craving but you keep doing what you need to do...including being honest about the cravings...
bravo. good solid work on your own recovery.
blessings!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
There are some song lyrics that include:
"I must keep reminding myself of this; if there was no reward to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path i've chosen here, i certainly would have walked away by now"
It reminds me to remind myself. Goofy sounding i guess, but a testament to the fact that we need to choose life over death every morning.
keep being well.
"I must keep reminding myself of this; if there was no reward to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path i've chosen here, i certainly would have walked away by now"
It reminds me to remind myself. Goofy sounding i guess, but a testament to the fact that we need to choose life over death every morning.
keep being well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Choosing life over death is very very accurate, I like that. Might have to add that to my morning meditation 
Sticking in reality tonight. Trying anyway. About to send a text to my 'sponsor' to check she is free for a chat (she's not officially my sponsor as she hasn't finished her steps but we talk most days and she has a LOT of what I want/need).
Focus, focus. I wish I could say what it is that I'm aiming for but my best guess is that I want to be somewhere happier, healthier and more serene. Today I picked up an ad for an admin assistant for a DV centre. Voluntary of course but I worked as a PA to a team of advisors in a govt agency so I think I might be good for that role. A foot in the door? I need to think about it I guess.
Sticking in reality tonight. Trying anyway. About to send a text to my 'sponsor' to check she is free for a chat (she's not officially my sponsor as she hasn't finished her steps but we talk most days and she has a LOT of what I want/need).
Focus, focus. I wish I could say what it is that I'm aiming for but my best guess is that I want to be somewhere happier, healthier and more serene. Today I picked up an ad for an admin assistant for a DV centre. Voluntary of course but I worked as a PA to a team of advisors in a govt agency so I think I might be good for that role. A foot in the door? I need to think about it I guess.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
for me self talk is self care too.
your heart is not stupid. it loves, that's what it was built to do. it is confused and hurt and it needs protection and guidance. love is a gift and your heart wants to give it. that is natural...the addiction and dysfunctional relationship and the codependency is the part that has to be realigned to the gift of natural love. you are learning to do that, with baby steps...
you will come to be the caring, supportive, protective adult that cares for her own heart...not a stupid heart...a loving heart. and you will trust in yourself to allow your heart to love, but with guidance, support, and protection. something many of us did not learn as we "grew up" the first time around!
you will learn how to do this with the help of others, who also at one time thought their hearts were stupid. but instead they learned their choices were distorted.
its a lifetime of beautiful learning
strengthening
growing
becoming healthy
blooming
I love your heart
your heart is not stupid. it loves, that's what it was built to do. it is confused and hurt and it needs protection and guidance. love is a gift and your heart wants to give it. that is natural...the addiction and dysfunctional relationship and the codependency is the part that has to be realigned to the gift of natural love. you are learning to do that, with baby steps...
you will come to be the caring, supportive, protective adult that cares for her own heart...not a stupid heart...a loving heart. and you will trust in yourself to allow your heart to love, but with guidance, support, and protection. something many of us did not learn as we "grew up" the first time around!
you will learn how to do this with the help of others, who also at one time thought their hearts were stupid. but instead they learned their choices were distorted.
its a lifetime of beautiful learning
strengthening
growing
becoming healthy
blooming
I love your heart
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