A word of thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
A word of thanks
I have been trawling this site for past 3 weeks- it has kept me
Sane- and I just want to say thanks!
My AH has just come out of rehab- after drinking throughout
23 years of marriage. No crazy stories- just constant topping up
And emotional distance. When I feel like in am being lulled into
Feeling everything will be perfect - I look at this site to remind myself of all the issues facing us. He is 30 days dry, but still cannot express
Regret for everything that has happened - I know it is early days yet- and am so pleased to have found a supportive forum! Thanks again
Sane- and I just want to say thanks!
My AH has just come out of rehab- after drinking throughout
23 years of marriage. No crazy stories- just constant topping up
And emotional distance. When I feel like in am being lulled into
Feeling everything will be perfect - I look at this site to remind myself of all the issues facing us. He is 30 days dry, but still cannot express
Regret for everything that has happened - I know it is early days yet- and am so pleased to have found a supportive forum! Thanks again
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
Welcome. I have found alot of support here. My H got out of a 30 day rehab at the end of Sept. like yourself after a 23 years of marriage. There were alot of ups and downs to getting him to that point AND for me to make the plans I had to make for me and my teenage kids as to what our behavior needed to be for all of us to get better. I never knew I could be that strong. He is now 9 months out and doing well. Going to AA on a regular basis after he finished the final out patient program. Back to work right away (thank God he was able to do that).
The only thing I realize I still need to do is to seek counseling for myself. H had lots during and after rehab, kids see someone, I went to Alanon, which was ok but not enough. We also need to seek marriage counseling. I do still have anger about alot of things.
Make sure you keep taking care of you.
The only thing I realize I still need to do is to seek counseling for myself. H had lots during and after rehab, kids see someone, I went to Alanon, which was ok but not enough. We also need to seek marriage counseling. I do still have anger about alot of things.
Make sure you keep taking care of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Tonight is tough- he had a lot of support - we got none! He's been home 4 days, and today had to start closing down his business- and doesn't want to see it was his fault.
It is everyone else's, should be going to aa meeting tomorrow but hasn't found out when it is on!! I am angry with him,but trying to stay calm and detached. Hopefully it will all work out, but I have told himif he drinks again he will have to leave- hopefully that will help him stay focused when he craves,which of course he is denying! I am annoyed that I want to believe him but cannot as I can see the lies behind his eyes. I know this will take time, my al anon meeting is on Friday so hope that helps with the panic feeling. I woke up this morning and thought I could smell beer- all in my imagination
. God I hate this disease.
It is everyone else's, should be going to aa meeting tomorrow but hasn't found out when it is on!! I am angry with him,but trying to stay calm and detached. Hopefully it will all work out, but I have told himif he drinks again he will have to leave- hopefully that will help him stay focused when he craves,which of course he is denying! I am annoyed that I want to believe him but cannot as I can see the lies behind his eyes. I know this will take time, my al anon meeting is on Friday so hope that helps with the panic feeling. I woke up this morning and thought I could smell beer- all in my imagination
. God I hate this disease.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Loopydays))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here.
I'm both an RA (recovering addict) and a recovering codie (codependent) with loved ones who are still active A's (addicts/alcoholics).
The F&F (friends and family) forums have been invaluable in my recovery. I turned to drugs because I couldn't control the A's in my life.
I'm sorry that your husband is still blaming others, that he is "talking" about going to AA but doesn't have a clue when it is.
I'm REALLY glad that you are going to al-anon. He's going to do what he's going to do. He will either shape up and work recovery with every fiber of his being, or he'll continue to blame everyone/everthing else, and be miserable, possibly turn back to drinking.
I am over 5 years into recovery, living with dad/stepmom thanks to the consequences of my addiction. She's an A, dad's a codie. Despite all that I have learned her, there are STILL days I have to remind myself...I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CHANGE it, and I darned sure can't CURE it (the 3 C's). There are days I wonder if I've learned a darned thing, but I come here, and the great folks re-ground me.
The best thing I can offer is take care of you. If he starts working recovery, he will have to focus on him. If he doesn't? He is going to be self-centered and blame everyone else for what's going on.
I hope you keep reading and posting. I lurked here for over 2 years before signing on "bows head in sort of shame" but I kept coming back. I wanted what other people had...not taking it personal that someone was using (it's really not, said from the A point of view), learning about boundaries and other stuff.
I never used because of anyone else (though I would use ANY excuse to use). I used because I wanted to. I chose recovery because I got sick and tired of the consequences, and am grateful to the people who loved me enough to suffer those consequences. I came here, and found out that my codie-ness was a HUGE problem, but I read, and read, and read some more. I found people that had what I wanted.
You are NOT alone, sweetie. Go to al-anon, keep coming here. Some things may sound harsh, at times, but it's often what we need to hear, we just aren't ready. Take what you need, leave the rest. Some of the very things that stung me the most, are things I hold dear to my heart now. When we know better, we do better, and it's okay to not know.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm both an RA (recovering addict) and a recovering codie (codependent) with loved ones who are still active A's (addicts/alcoholics).
The F&F (friends and family) forums have been invaluable in my recovery. I turned to drugs because I couldn't control the A's in my life.
I'm sorry that your husband is still blaming others, that he is "talking" about going to AA but doesn't have a clue when it is.
I'm REALLY glad that you are going to al-anon. He's going to do what he's going to do. He will either shape up and work recovery with every fiber of his being, or he'll continue to blame everyone/everthing else, and be miserable, possibly turn back to drinking.
I am over 5 years into recovery, living with dad/stepmom thanks to the consequences of my addiction. She's an A, dad's a codie. Despite all that I have learned her, there are STILL days I have to remind myself...I didn't CAUSE it, I can't CHANGE it, and I darned sure can't CURE it (the 3 C's). There are days I wonder if I've learned a darned thing, but I come here, and the great folks re-ground me.
The best thing I can offer is take care of you. If he starts working recovery, he will have to focus on him. If he doesn't? He is going to be self-centered and blame everyone else for what's going on.
I hope you keep reading and posting. I lurked here for over 2 years before signing on "bows head in sort of shame" but I kept coming back. I wanted what other people had...not taking it personal that someone was using (it's really not, said from the A point of view), learning about boundaries and other stuff.
I never used because of anyone else (though I would use ANY excuse to use). I used because I wanted to. I chose recovery because I got sick and tired of the consequences, and am grateful to the people who loved me enough to suffer those consequences. I came here, and found out that my codie-ness was a HUGE problem, but I read, and read, and read some more. I found people that had what I wanted.
You are NOT alone, sweetie. Go to al-anon, keep coming here. Some things may sound harsh, at times, but it's often what we need to hear, we just aren't ready. Take what you need, leave the rest. Some of the very things that stung me the most, are things I hold dear to my heart now. When we know better, we do better, and it's okay to not know.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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