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Diagnosed as Bipolar after 9 months sober

Old 05-16-2012, 01:24 AM
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Diagnosed as Bipolar after 9 months sober

Hi all, I haven't posted on here in quite sometime. Sober story thus far...
Sobered up at the end of June 2011, Went to AA, got a sponsor, did the steps, prayed. Regardless I was still depressed for months. I went to the Doctor and was prescribed with an antidepressant. After 2 months of AD's I'm on this miraculous high (mania) that had me hospitalized for 3 weeks. I was convinced that my feelings of happiness were as a result of working the AA program and being deeply spiritual with my higher power. The healthcare professionals thought that I was manic. So I went to the hospital against my will for 3 weeks and was forced medication. After 3 weeks they let me go. I continued feeling great for the next 3 months. Since February though I have felt like absolute poop and the depression has returned. The Doc has now prescribed me Lithium and have been taking it for 2 months. I'm so confused as to what's going on with me. Any advice from anyone as to how I'm supposed to live? I'm lost . What should I expect from Lithium? It has left me feeling emotionless, zombie like and I haven't been happy Any help or experience with this would be greatly appreciated!
Peace & Love,
Snakes37
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Old 05-16-2012, 02:46 AM
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Google lithium. It will help you understand the medication better. Mania is a thing of denial; it feels so good it cant possibly be considered a disorder right? wrong. I have bi polar and my meds just keep me at an even keel. I was also diagosed 5 years after getting sober. Went into the hosptial many times as i have other diagnosis. Follow directions and you shjould be ok. There are many mood stabalizers out there if the side effects get to you (not saying they will- just did for me). Above all hang tough. We are all on our own journey.
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Old 05-17-2012, 12:42 AM
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Thanks for the response Mo. I have researched the crap out of lithium, after being on it for a couple months I can't say too many good things about it speaking on mental terms. I am alot less depressed than I was when I crashed, but I wouldn't say that I am happy. I'm very detached from life right now. All I do is work and watch the idiot box and have no desire to do much else. This bothers me. There has to be more to life than this! It's also funny how the antidepressants determined that I was bipolar because it sent me into a manic state. I just want to be happy. hoping for the best
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Old 05-28-2012, 12:10 AM
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Depression Meds and being Sober

Hi Snakes,
I know this has got to be a difficult time for you. I don't know much about AA in Canada, but here in Los Angeles, depression, bi-polar disorder and medications are still a touchy subject. It's way better then it was 20yrs ago when I got sober at 18yrs old.
My depressions have been a struggle through the years in AA because unless someone has experienced chemical imbalance and taken meds, it's really hard for even the most loving of friends to understand.
My sponsor and friends would want to treat my chemical imbalance with step work and after reading, writing, serving, praying, meditating and going to a thousand meetings year after year I was still experiencing horrible depressions and feeling like I must be doing something wrong because if I was working the program "correctly" I wouldn't be depressed and that made me want to die even more. I was willing to do anything, but no one seemed to have any other answers, but to invtry and be of service.
I'm a true believer in ALL of that. I love the twelve steps and am completely convinced I would have killed myself through many of those depressions if I hadn't have learned how to suit up and show up, be willing to go to any lengths and save my ass and not my face, but for me it has become clear that My chemical imbalance is a separate issue from my Alcoholism, but they both affect each other greatly. I had to be willing to turn to professionals. I had to be willing to follow all of the doctors directions, take my meds consistently, stick to a sleep schedule, eat properly and continue to do my 12 step work. When I do all of those things, it was easier for me to clearly see how the meds were affecting me and I could give my psychiatrist detailed info on my moods and energy level. It took me quite a while to find the right balance, but once I did, it really has saved my life.
Please hear me when I say, that I am convinced that I am an alcoholic because I have the obsession of the mind that leads me to drink and once I drink I definitely have the allergy that takes hold and screams MORE! MORE!
And that is where the two cross over for me. My alcoholism will use my chemical imbalance to convince me I can drink, that I'm really just crazy and not a drunk. I have never wanted just one beer or just one of anything. I would bathe in Tequila if I could! The first step was really important for me. I needed to fully concede to my innermost self that I am alcoholic. The book taught me that with the help of the steps, my perspective and reactions to life could change, so when it came to my chemical imbalance, I had the courage to react with faith and what through it, rather then lose my sh--t and act out or get drunk.
You are not alone. Most of us are not doctors, so please try to communicate everything you can with your psychiatrist and when you feel like giving up, know that I and many others have been where you are.
Everyone reacts to meds differently, so I suggest asking a thousand questions when you see your doctor. Remember, it doesn't matter right now what came first the chicken or the egg... just assume for now, that your are an alcoholic with a chemical imbalance and do everything and anything you can think of to help yourself for both.
After 20yrs of being sober and dealing with depression, I have learned that being consistent, honest, open minded and willing, has saved me on both sides of the fence.
I hope my ramble made some sense!
Sarah
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Old 05-28-2012, 12:48 AM
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welcome to SR SarahL

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Old 05-28-2012, 04:55 AM
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HI,
SarahL, your "ramble" makes alot of sense. Good for you, continue with your good works.
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Old 05-28-2012, 05:32 AM
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welcome to you too sncooney

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Old 06-04-2012, 12:04 PM
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Bipolar disorder is a challenging disorder to treat. My doc, who is a respected specialist, told me that I had to be patient, that bipolar takes longer to figure out than regular depression. I have BP, ADHD, plus am a recovering addict, so that complicates things further. I'm on Lamictal but am going crazy right now--agitated beyond belief, suicidally depressed, on the verge of using every other moment, and so unfocused and hyperactive that I can hardly get any work done. I see him tomorrow and hopefully he can help me find more balance. What he told me, and maybe this will give you hope--is that there are a lot of medications out there to try, whereas in the old days there was only Lithium. But it can take TIME and unfortunately, for us, this can be a hard road.

Hang in there!


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Old 06-04-2012, 11:24 PM
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Zorah, I take Lamectol as well. Because it is a mood stabilizer, it tends to level you in one spot, (not necessarily a pleasant spot), and then they typically add something to it to treat the depression etc. Mood stabilizers are especially helpful in this way because it gives them a starting point and helps your chemistry not flip up and down when ever it wants to.
I swear it gets better. Just keep reminding yourself that it might suck ass right now, but it won't suck forever. The process is painful, but the result is well worth it if it helps you lead a full healthy life.
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Old 06-13-2012, 06:09 AM
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SarahL, thank you for that ramble..
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:10 PM
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I can relate to almost all of it! Ive been on litium and seroquel and after 2 months i have felt more stable, however i also the same zombie like feelings ... the best way for me to feel better is exercise..
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