TakingCharge999

Hi gbz! I have no experience with AHs but

I am from Mex city and I no longer live there but I can recommend nice places/"musts"

And I have a friend in Costa Rica who might also be able to recommend stuff for you...

I can PM you if you wish

Good for you for planning things for you, nothing like some perspective

TakingCharge999

I decided to chip in anyway

Perhaps AH's parents won't tell you what you need to hear, but no problem, if your gut tells you something, if YOU decide something... you do not need anyone's "approval", its your life and you decide how you want to live it. I agree enabling addicts is destructive for them and he seems to have no plans at all to even start recovery so you are the one who has to be there for YOU, because your life matters, your well being matters. In my life I learned I did not matter or that people ignored me and it was OK for me to be invisible but SLOWLY I learn that I am a human being and deserve good things!! and NOW I can see that everybody does.

It should be difficult to let go of someone with whom you have been 13 years, but do you picture yourself feeling this way the next 13 years? this is time of a Life you won't ever get back.

Seren

Hello gbz, Your trip sounds wonderful! Go ahead and enjoy yourself!!

If you husband had not been drinking, not been getting into fights, been a responsible fellow adult, he might be coming with you. But he just can't be anything other than what he is right now. That's not your fault. Neither is his drinking.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope that you enjoy your trip and when you get back you have enough clarity with which to make the best decision for yourself about your marriage.

m1k3

Absolutely nothing from you. He is suffering the consequences of his actions. It's called life. Give him the dignity to deal with these issues on his own.

As for the guilt your are feeling, it fades. It is time to be selfish, to take care of yourself, to put yourself first. There is nothing wrong with that.

One of the big things I have learned in my recovery is that if I don't put myself first no one else will.

Enjoy the vacation. Clear your head, breathe deep and feel what it is like to NOT have to deal with the insanity. Then ask yourself, do I really want to go back to that?

I have been separated from my AW for one year now and my answer is no effing way.

Your friend,

SoaringSpirits

Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. These dental issues are the result of not taking care of his teeth over a period of years. The need for deep cleaning and an extraction are the result of chronic neglect. Let him deal with this. Same with his busted finger. Maybe he'll end up with no teeth and a bum finger. That's his choice. Just like it's his choice to keep pissing his life away with drinking.

You take care of YOU. Which means take your trip, enjoy your cute hair and put one foot in front of the other. And go live.

As to his parents, whether they help him or not, whether they think you're a bitch or not....it's out of your control. You have done your share and now it's time to get off the train.

FindingJoy

Do something difference for once and just see what happens. Let him pay the price for HIS choices without you rescuing him.
Go on your trip make it all about you just to see what happens. One step at a time. Going cold turkey didn't work for me so I experimented with taking different actions and life continues to unveil all of the answers for me.

Big Hug