Finally Posting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
Finally Posting
Hello All,
I will make this as brief as possible. Began the sad usual binge drinking for fun in college. Grad school it became more of a lifestyle. Lifestyle continued after that. Mostly the four day weekend scencario and then some weeks at a time would get gobbled up. Second Passion is running so that kept me afloat for some time, including now. The real trouble began somewhere in my mid to late twenties. I am 34. I loved to drink and so did most of my friends. My wife has no problem but loves to drink at a normal level. I began to love to get drunk. I have always been a very happy drunk. Would drink 4-5 shots of rum in some coke to get started and then keep on going a beer or two an hour. I probably have averaged 6-12 units per drinking night depending on the night. I have one to three days in a row when I run and don't crave alcohol so long as I can get past the 4pm hour. If I get past that and eat or exercise, I have no cravings. What usually happens more often than not now, is that I will feel that rush to go to the store for some beer, grab 5 nips of vodka at the store and drink those quickly without my wife knowing. Then I pretend to "only have a few". this awfully embarassing behavior started about 2 years ago when I wanted to stop drinking hard liquor and stopped having it in the house. My wife was happy with the decision, my brain was not, so I started sneaking it. I hate that I do it, and my wife and I are best friends, but alcohol just wins out. I started to really fight back two months ago with an addictions counselor. She is decent. I am recovering from a running injury, and that passion is rebuilding itself. My wife is supportive of me and knows everything but the hidden drinking which is now limited to 2-3 times a week. I have lurked here for 2 years. I have recently seen how much my addiction to alcohol is related to hypoglycemia and have recently started a diet that restricts sugars and starches. I did that two days ago and have not craved a drop in that time. The main phase of the diet runs two weeks. I am invested in it for that time period. I am invested in not drinking for at least a month until a big race. It is my hope that in this month I can change my brain chemistry enough to decide to stop altogether. So yes, 90% of me wants complete sobriety. Oddly, I can have one or two in a restaraunt without craving more, and that is the one thing I struggle with. Meaning 10% of me still thinks I can head back down the trail to normal drinking. No comments needed on that one. I have heard all of your(great) advice for two years given to others. I guess I just have to own it eventually. But right now, I am just thinking about today, the diet, and then the race. Hopefully, more will sort itself out in the meantime. I want to be a positive voice here but will most likely hang out in the exercise section as my main goal is to cultivate the positive and take small steps. Thinking long term weakens my resolve greatly. Thanks for being here and listening. I will try to report in at least once a day.
Also, my Hunter Thompson icon is there for multiple reasons. first, he realized that one can get "higher without drugs". the second is that he was a brilliant mind claimed by alcohol.
WL
I will make this as brief as possible. Began the sad usual binge drinking for fun in college. Grad school it became more of a lifestyle. Lifestyle continued after that. Mostly the four day weekend scencario and then some weeks at a time would get gobbled up. Second Passion is running so that kept me afloat for some time, including now. The real trouble began somewhere in my mid to late twenties. I am 34. I loved to drink and so did most of my friends. My wife has no problem but loves to drink at a normal level. I began to love to get drunk. I have always been a very happy drunk. Would drink 4-5 shots of rum in some coke to get started and then keep on going a beer or two an hour. I probably have averaged 6-12 units per drinking night depending on the night. I have one to three days in a row when I run and don't crave alcohol so long as I can get past the 4pm hour. If I get past that and eat or exercise, I have no cravings. What usually happens more often than not now, is that I will feel that rush to go to the store for some beer, grab 5 nips of vodka at the store and drink those quickly without my wife knowing. Then I pretend to "only have a few". this awfully embarassing behavior started about 2 years ago when I wanted to stop drinking hard liquor and stopped having it in the house. My wife was happy with the decision, my brain was not, so I started sneaking it. I hate that I do it, and my wife and I are best friends, but alcohol just wins out. I started to really fight back two months ago with an addictions counselor. She is decent. I am recovering from a running injury, and that passion is rebuilding itself. My wife is supportive of me and knows everything but the hidden drinking which is now limited to 2-3 times a week. I have lurked here for 2 years. I have recently seen how much my addiction to alcohol is related to hypoglycemia and have recently started a diet that restricts sugars and starches. I did that two days ago and have not craved a drop in that time. The main phase of the diet runs two weeks. I am invested in it for that time period. I am invested in not drinking for at least a month until a big race. It is my hope that in this month I can change my brain chemistry enough to decide to stop altogether. So yes, 90% of me wants complete sobriety. Oddly, I can have one or two in a restaraunt without craving more, and that is the one thing I struggle with. Meaning 10% of me still thinks I can head back down the trail to normal drinking. No comments needed on that one. I have heard all of your(great) advice for two years given to others. I guess I just have to own it eventually. But right now, I am just thinking about today, the diet, and then the race. Hopefully, more will sort itself out in the meantime. I want to be a positive voice here but will most likely hang out in the exercise section as my main goal is to cultivate the positive and take small steps. Thinking long term weakens my resolve greatly. Thanks for being here and listening. I will try to report in at least once a day.
Also, my Hunter Thompson icon is there for multiple reasons. first, he realized that one can get "higher without drugs". the second is that he was a brilliant mind claimed by alcohol.
WL
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome and I'm glad you finally posted.
I had no idea of the connection between hypoglycemia and alcohol. I had known for years that I was hypoglycemic and managed it fairly well, but I didn't know that it made me more susceptible to the sugar in alcohol.
I had no idea of the connection between hypoglycemia and alcohol. I had known for years that I was hypoglycemic and managed it fairly well, but I didn't know that it made me more susceptible to the sugar in alcohol.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi WL, glad you are here and are taking steps towards quitting.
Your addiction would love for you to avoid "thinking long term". That way it always has a way in.
Originally Posted by wonderfullife
Thinking long term weakens my resolve greatly.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Alcohol is the the great Liar! It will make you think you can drink normally " one day" even though you've proved to yourself again & again, you can not.
Alcohol turned me into someone I never thought I'd be.
A liar, manipulator, etc.
I did things I swore I'd never do.
Addiction took me lower & lower, deeper & deeper into self hatred, guilt & shame.
My husband is my BF also & I was putting alcohol above everything that was dear to me. My spouse, child, job.
I finally had to accept that I could no longer drink & be who I was meant to be.
I committed to doing whatever it took to get sober. 100%.
Alcohol had to be zero.
4 months sober now & I wish I had quit years ago.
I would've saved myself & family alot of pain & misery.
Don't let a stupid liquid ruin your life anymore.
I read 7 weeks to sobriety. It's about hypoglycemia & vitamins, etc. you may want to check it out. Best wishes.
Alcohol turned me into someone I never thought I'd be.
A liar, manipulator, etc.
I did things I swore I'd never do.
Addiction took me lower & lower, deeper & deeper into self hatred, guilt & shame.
My husband is my BF also & I was putting alcohol above everything that was dear to me. My spouse, child, job.
I finally had to accept that I could no longer drink & be who I was meant to be.
I committed to doing whatever it took to get sober. 100%.
Alcohol had to be zero.
4 months sober now & I wish I had quit years ago.
I would've saved myself & family alot of pain & misery.
Don't let a stupid liquid ruin your life anymore.
I read 7 weeks to sobriety. It's about hypoglycemia & vitamins, etc. you may want to check it out. Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
I guess that the sugar in alcohol is the same if not worse, so in giving up alcohol without giving up processed carbs, many cravings we have are for the sugar. its also for the drug, but the two are intertwined intimately.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
soberlicious,
as for the long term thinking. day by day is helping me stay positive and focused. I am getting more and more comfortable thinking long term. I am practicing even looking forward to enjoying long term. but right now, its just practice. like a meditation.
as for the long term thinking. day by day is helping me stay positive and focused. I am getting more and more comfortable thinking long term. I am practicing even looking forward to enjoying long term. but right now, its just practice. like a meditation.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 47
It sounds like many of us that you have a lot of great reasons to quit. A loving wife, you enjoy fitness, you're tired of the shame of hiding your addiction, etc. The only think keeping you from being the person you want to be is the alcohol.
I was very similar to you and have been using AVRT which has worked wonders for controlling that little voice that tells you to drink.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Put in the work and be the person you want to be, you deserve it
I was very similar to you and have been using AVRT which has worked wonders for controlling that little voice that tells you to drink.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Put in the work and be the person you want to be, you deserve it
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I hear you WL...was just making a point. Staying "comfortable" kept me addicted. Fear of discomfort kept me addicted. Assuaging and placating the addictive voice with day by day tenuous abstinence was just exactly what it wanted. I know what I wanted. That was to be free. As a runner you understand pushing through to the other side, pushing through discomfort. For me, absolute freedom is only found in "thinking long term".
I second this...you do deserve it and it can be done, if you so desire. Check out AVRT.
Originally Posted by WingsFan13
I was very similar to you and have been using AVRT which has worked wonders for controlling that little voice that tells you to drink.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Put in the work and be the person you want to be, you deserve it
I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Put in the work and be the person you want to be, you deserve it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: northeast
Posts: 142
Thanks Wingsfan and Soberlicious
I hear you. For some reason thinking long term has kept me on binge status. as though the fear of it kept me drinking. However, for me, this change has proved most successful so far. On a deep level though, I know that permanent change will come. For me, I think it needs to grow. Not in drinking less, but in slowly realizing how much I really dont need or want it. There is a very good chance that alcohol will never touch my lips again, and I am fine with that. I have never been fine with that until recently.
I have AVRT in my toolbox as well. read the online stuff and it does help. but I found it a fight also. right now, letting go, and cultivating positive is helping more. however, when that fails, and it will, I will break out AVRT and hope to continue to drive my own bus. thanks again for your words.
WL
I hear you. For some reason thinking long term has kept me on binge status. as though the fear of it kept me drinking. However, for me, this change has proved most successful so far. On a deep level though, I know that permanent change will come. For me, I think it needs to grow. Not in drinking less, but in slowly realizing how much I really dont need or want it. There is a very good chance that alcohol will never touch my lips again, and I am fine with that. I have never been fine with that until recently.
I have AVRT in my toolbox as well. read the online stuff and it does help. but I found it a fight also. right now, letting go, and cultivating positive is helping more. however, when that fails, and it will, I will break out AVRT and hope to continue to drive my own bus. thanks again for your words.
WL
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to the shareing side of SR...
I do think the fact that I folllowed an eating plan helped me immensley
during my first 6 months of AA recovery..
I found mine in the book "Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham...my favorite "handbook" on alcoholism.
Amazon usually carries it and it's sequel "Beyond The Influence" ..
All myy best to you and your wife .
I do think the fact that I folllowed an eating plan helped me immensley
during my first 6 months of AA recovery..
I found mine in the book "Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham...my favorite "handbook" on alcoholism.
Amazon usually carries it and it's sequel "Beyond The Influence" ..
All myy best to you and your wife .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
Originally Posted by Purplecatlover 
I finally had to accept that I could no longer drink & be who I was meant to be.
Welcome wonderfullife. Sharing on this site is so helpful, keep posting!
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