The Rat Race....Sobriety Shinning Through
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
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The Rat Race....Sobriety Shinning Through
I have been progressing along my sober walk quite nicely, and everyday have realized that sobriety describes a state of mind and being, not just abstinence from alcohol or your poison of choice. Sober living is a way of life, a walk that allows eternal improvement. I can't say that I have mastered it, and frankly have faltered from time to time (even on this site), but overall, my mind has never been in a better place.
I had a major breakthrough this morning with respect to stepping out of the Rat Race. My wife and I went swimming early this morning. And while it is not a race, for some reason, I always like to stay in pace with her. Maybe it's an internal demon, maybe it's my competitive nature, or maybe it is just pure envy and fear. On this morning's swim, I was in a lane of my own as was my wife. I should disclose that my wife is a much stronger swimmer than I am. Well, as our swimming progressed, she started to lap me basically on a 3:2 basis. There was something different this time, it just didn't matter. I thought about it as I was stroking, and concluded "what, you can't beat her, so are you going to stop swimming, or are you going to finish the hour?" My priority was to get a full hour's workout, for ME!! Not for her, not for anybody looking, not to mark off the number of laps on a piece of paper - just for me. It was a release. In my lane, there was a gentleman swimming at maybe 1/2 my pace. All of a sudden it dawned on me - there will always be somebody faster, there will always be somebody slower. All that matters is that I get out of my swim what I need to get out of it.
With 45mins left in my swim, it didn't take long for me to extrapolate this to every aspect of my life. There will always be somebody richer, and somebody poorer. There will always be somebody more drunk and less drunk. There will always be somebody with more sober time, and with less. Reconciling that I won't be the fastest runner, or the slowest pulls me out of the race. On month/day 'whatever' of my sobriety - I'm done keeping pace. My life is for me; the only entity keeping score is God. And in his race, it's not about finishing first or last, but about how you do it.
As for sober living, it's about honesty, acceptance, self reflection and compassion. I don't usually listen to or watch TV evangelists. When flipping through the channels this past Sunday AM, I caught a brief trail of a sermon, where the minister said "stop trying to change people. God made them that way for a reason." Now I normally think all these guys are crooks, but my faith in God is unshakable. And that hit to the fundamental core of my belief system, we don't make people in our image, that is not our job. All that resentment and anger that follows towards people who are not in our image; well who in the end are we angry at? God? Not me, I'm ready to move on without those emotions.
I will end with an apology for offensive things I have said in the past. I apologize for attempting to play God. I apologize for not stopping to smell the roses. I'm sorry for not giving people the benefit of the doubt 100% of the time. I no longer want to (or have it in me to) be angry or resentful. I have an amazingly gorgeous wife and partner of 19 years, two beautiful children. If my life was wiped of possession and wealth today, I'd still have everything to live for. That's my sober living.
I had a major breakthrough this morning with respect to stepping out of the Rat Race. My wife and I went swimming early this morning. And while it is not a race, for some reason, I always like to stay in pace with her. Maybe it's an internal demon, maybe it's my competitive nature, or maybe it is just pure envy and fear. On this morning's swim, I was in a lane of my own as was my wife. I should disclose that my wife is a much stronger swimmer than I am. Well, as our swimming progressed, she started to lap me basically on a 3:2 basis. There was something different this time, it just didn't matter. I thought about it as I was stroking, and concluded "what, you can't beat her, so are you going to stop swimming, or are you going to finish the hour?" My priority was to get a full hour's workout, for ME!! Not for her, not for anybody looking, not to mark off the number of laps on a piece of paper - just for me. It was a release. In my lane, there was a gentleman swimming at maybe 1/2 my pace. All of a sudden it dawned on me - there will always be somebody faster, there will always be somebody slower. All that matters is that I get out of my swim what I need to get out of it.
With 45mins left in my swim, it didn't take long for me to extrapolate this to every aspect of my life. There will always be somebody richer, and somebody poorer. There will always be somebody more drunk and less drunk. There will always be somebody with more sober time, and with less. Reconciling that I won't be the fastest runner, or the slowest pulls me out of the race. On month/day 'whatever' of my sobriety - I'm done keeping pace. My life is for me; the only entity keeping score is God. And in his race, it's not about finishing first or last, but about how you do it.
As for sober living, it's about honesty, acceptance, self reflection and compassion. I don't usually listen to or watch TV evangelists. When flipping through the channels this past Sunday AM, I caught a brief trail of a sermon, where the minister said "stop trying to change people. God made them that way for a reason." Now I normally think all these guys are crooks, but my faith in God is unshakable. And that hit to the fundamental core of my belief system, we don't make people in our image, that is not our job. All that resentment and anger that follows towards people who are not in our image; well who in the end are we angry at? God? Not me, I'm ready to move on without those emotions.
I will end with an apology for offensive things I have said in the past. I apologize for attempting to play God. I apologize for not stopping to smell the roses. I'm sorry for not giving people the benefit of the doubt 100% of the time. I no longer want to (or have it in me to) be angry or resentful. I have an amazingly gorgeous wife and partner of 19 years, two beautiful children. If my life was wiped of possession and wealth today, I'd still have everything to live for. That's my sober living.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Hi Mentaloop,
What a great post it hit my tear monitor. I so needed to be reminded about people being different and it is not my responsibility to change them.
Although I do find it difficult when someone starts to tell you they have a problem and you tell them well if you do this problem solved. But instead of looking for a solution they are more interested in complaining. I know this because I was like that especially around alcohol issues.
CaiHong
What a great post it hit my tear monitor. I so needed to be reminded about people being different and it is not my responsibility to change them.
Although I do find it difficult when someone starts to tell you they have a problem and you tell them well if you do this problem solved. But instead of looking for a solution they are more interested in complaining. I know this because I was like that especially around alcohol issues.
CaiHong
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