reggiewayne

Hey everyone,

Just checking in. I'm 17 days sober! Longest stretch I've had in just under a year.

My wife is moving forward with divorce. I have such a wide variety of emotions going on. From regret, to remorse, to anger, to optimism, to sadness, to self pity, etc... But I haven't drank. I've been "living out loud" in meetings. I've been sharing what is on my mind with my sponsor and my family and I'm still here.

No matter what happens, God and my kids will still love me.

So, I look to the solution. I don't look at her issues, her part in this, how much she has hurt me, how much she may regret this one day, etc... I look at my part. What did I do to cause this. I think I have seen it. Although my wife never had issue with my drinking she did have issue with the chaos that our lives seemed to have. I think if I was living in the solution and not drinking that chaos would have been far less.

Also, and this is the toughest part that I've realized. I think if I were living in the solution and not been drinking I don't think I would have chosen her to marry...

Hurt people; hurt people...

So I move on from here. I will grieve the loss of this relationship. I will cry. I will be sad, I will be angry, but I will be OK. I am not alone. Drinking can make this situation so much worse.

So today I am grateful that my sister let me move in with her, that I have both of my boys, that I have my health, a great support system, a job, and I have my sobriety. I swear it's like there has been a "divine hand" leading me up to this point.

Have a great day everyone!

Michael66

Hey, well done for dealing with it all now rather than putting it off with alcohol.

Thanks for sharing with the rest of us as well.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're going through this Reggie but I'm glad you have such a great attitude, and I'm glad you're here and have all those wonderful things still in your life.

wishing you the best in all this mate
D

Sapling

I went through it...And I was drinking...That wasn't fun. I admire your strength reggiewayne. And I do believe that part in "Acceptance"...Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Just be the father those boy's deserve. And that you deserve to be.

Spinach

Thanks for your honesty keep sober and hoping that your future brings you laughter.
I know what you mean about the chaos .
John.

Tuitiefruitie

I think you process and deal with things quicker when you're sober instead of becoming numb and putting it off. Take care of yourself.

Hevyn

It's great when we finally realize drinking won't lessen our pain or resolve anything. It looks like you get that now, Reggie. Proud of you for staying sober during this time of change in your life. Staying clearheaded is the only way. Thanks for sharing this with us - I hope it takes some of the sting out of the situation.

aasharon90

I left my will in God's hand to guide me
and strengthen me thru out my marriage,
in recovery, ending my 25 yr. marriage,
relocating back to my hometown, to my
jobs, to having a new marriage that is now
3 yrs old, to continueing to incorperate the
tools and knowledge of my recovery
program each day, to enjoying the promises
granted to us. To remain honest in all my
affairs, to passing on my own ESH to others
that are still struggling with addiction.

My recovery journey continues a day at a
time forever being grateful and blessed.

You can too.

awuh1

I remain quite impressed with how you are handling this. I find it helpful to remind myself that what often look like bad things turn out to be a blessings.

MemphisBlues

ReggieWayne....Yes, this pain is exquisite, and though it may not seem like it, by dealing with it sober, the pain will pass. We have to feel it do move through it, and you and I both know that drinking through it numbs the pain and in being numb we delay the agony.

instant

RW
it's an end, it's a new beginning. We have to experience what comes, and gain 'real' comfort when we can. I admire your courage and my thoughts are with you.

ttbp

I'm so glad you're sharing how your doing. I was just thinking about you

Stay strong xxx

Zakynthos

>>> No matter what happens, God and my kids will still love me.

RW, keep that in your mind and heart. And know that there are many here sending prayers and good thoughts for peace your way.

Anna

I'm sorry you're going through this Reggie, but I know that you will continue on your path of recovery.

Jabbadabutt

Hey Reg, nice to see an old 'face' here. We did a little 'connecting' last year over having young kids, being a great father, husband, etc. We connected over the fact that we both knew that the only way to be sucessfull at any of those things is to be sober first. You inspired me. I understand you need some support. I hope I can do the same for you today. Over the past 500 days for me, if I only learned one thing, it is the FACT that drinking never helps ANYTHING. Peace and Love.

cheeto

Funny that is what I found after my divorce is that if I wasn't drinking at the time I would have never married my ex-husband.But of course I would never change that now as I have the most incredible son and wouldn't trade him for the world.I guess some things happen for a reason and work out in the end of how it should be.
Stay strong and good for you for not taking this tough time and turn to drinking again.

hugs :ghug3

Chloe2

ReggieWayne,
I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Your message was very motivational to me. Thank you.

DayTrader

Tough stuff Reggie. Don't do what I did when $hit would hit the fan - which was put on my game face and tell everyone that things were just fine. I don't know what you're doing in your personal life (AA, on your own, etc) but IF you're in AA.......don't be afraid to share that stuff.

** one BIG warning though......prepare yourself for some great advice......and some horrible advice. You'll have to weed through some garbage to get to the good stuff - at least until you figure out who you can talk to and get good stuff from and who you can't.

Divorce is not something to trivialize - and it doesn't seem like you're trying to go down that path. I'd been a pretty tough guy emotionally - especially after military college. I'm a wimp in a lot of areas....but dealing with "$hit" feelings was a skill of mine since childhood. I could stuff a feeling in a millisecond (btw, that's not the healthy way to cope...). Anyway.....my divorce took me to my knees. --bear in mind.... I was drinking at the time too- hitting my peak, really. I'm not exaggerating nor am I glorifying anything when I say - It's a miracle I didn't kill myself during that time.

I've got a couple friends in AA who went through divorces (a couple were SUPER nasty ones too), parenthood issues, visitation issues, etc etc etc and they all did it sober. Know in advance your alcoholism is going to be salivating at this news......just relishing the chance to use it against you.

I've got a book that really helped me. Like any good book though, it kicked my a$$ before it helped me. I thought it was a "chick book" and resisted reading it but a buddy of mine hounded me until I got it. I've probably given a couple copies away and have convinced about 5 other guys in divorce to read it...... they're now out pushing it like I did to them... LOL. Here it is: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship - Beverly Engel

reggiewayne

Thanks everyone. DT, I will check out that book. I definitely don't want to go down the divorce path. What I posted is what my mind knows, my heart is saying a completely different deal. The waves of pain are very bad. I have good moments and some really bad ones. When my phone rings and it's her I think "Great, she's going to ask me to get back together"... well that doesn't come. It's stuff like splitting up our stuff, me helping her with our boy, etc...

Dealing with this type of rejection is so hard. Nevermind the whole "do I want to be in this relationship".. what I feel is she doesn't want me anymore, she never cared for me, etc... Just sad stuff.

I'm trying my best to share at meetings but sometimes it's just flat out to painful.

I find it so ironic that when I went "back" to AA one of my requirements was no weekend meetings so I could spend time with my wife. It's ironic because that same wife I put my sobriety below on the priority list left me.

It just shows that we have to be true to ourselves. I just need to NOT focus on her and DO focus on me. I just keep "playing the tapes" back over and over thinking if I would have done this or that differently we might not be where we are.

This has given me no choice to lean on others and an HP. I just don't have a choice. Every other time I've gone to AA I did it by choice. Now, I feel I'm at the point of complete desperation. If I were to drink now, it would be REALLY BAD!

Thanks for all of your support guys and gals.

debsam

Stay the course Reggie.

I know you will not see this right now but sometimes when everything seems to be falling apart, it might actually be falling into place.

I love your honesty.

Big hugs