MTSlideAddict

I am so angry.
I am angry at the fact that he has an addiction.
I am angry that he lies to me.
I am angry that he hides from me.
I am angry that he took my youth.
I am angry that he squashed my dreams.
I am angry that he was so perfect.
I am angry that he selfishly made it all about him.
Most of all I am angry at myself.
I am angry that I was so blind.
I am angry that I felt the need to hide my pain.
I am angry that I did not leave on the first signs of abuse.
I am angry that I helped cover his stories.
I am angry that I enabled him to progress.
I am angry I did not educate myself earlier.
I am angry that I naively married into this life.
I am angry I was such a good wife.
I am angry that I look like a fool.
I am angry that I still love him.

sweetteewalls

Have you lived my life?

dollydo

Motivation comes in many forms and when you feel strong emotions, you can often motivate yourself. Use all your pent up anger to benefit yourself, motivation can help you let go of anger and benefit your life in more ways than one.

I am sorry that you are so distraught, anger is another step in the recovery process from
codependency, been there, I do understand.

akrasia

You have every right to be as angry as you like.

LucyA

I think anger is good sometimes

I am also angry
I am angry at this disease
I am angry that it took my brother
I am angry that it also took my sister in law in other ways
I am angry that some people don't think I should be angry
I am angry that some people don't recognise it's an illness
I am angry that I'm helpless against it
I am angry that people think alcoholics can just decide not to drink and its all hunky dory

I think I've come far enough to let those things go though. It was very hard and it's taken a long time, I can still get angry over them but I've learned I can do very little if anything about most of them, the only points I could change are the ones regarding awareness and education of alcoholism. I'm working on those and letting go of the others, and telling myself that any mistakes I think I made either aren't important or can be put right and learned from.

m1k3

Ok, now that you are angry, what are you going to do about it? Sounds like you are in a good place to start your recovery.

I felt the same way as you with my AW and myself. I used that anger to leave a hopeless, loveless situation. I used that anger to start posting here and to start going to AlAnon. I used that anger to begin my recovery. I used that anger to file for divorce. I used that anger to find serenity. I'm almost never angry any more because I took charge of my life, I finally started to make decisions that were in my best interest and I made the time to become my best friend.

Your friend,

gerryP

MT you describe an awful place to find yourself. I don't believe it's ever too late to make changes. Look at your list and begin looking at how you can turn some of those around one step at a time. For example, can you begin taking some courses that will lead to other courses re: education?

Amy27

What I can say it this:

You are aware of your anger but what are you going to do about it? Do you wish to remain angry and feel resentments? Or would you like to learn how to accept what has happened and let go of that anger, forgive, learn important lessons, and become a wiser person from it?

I honestly don't know how to do it, but with the help from friends, meetings, and professionals, I am sure it is possible.

Share your story with me.

boomerlady

Wow, I believe that you, and LucyA are living my life. I'm angry too and I have many resentments, but after 5 years in al-anon and counseling, I'm beginning to see I have choices. I'm seeing more and more that I have many options and just because he took my youth doesn't mean he can take the rest of my life. Hang in there MTSlide, you are starting to break out of the fog that all of us codependents live in when we live with an addict. I pray that you'll soon see that you have many options and it's never too late to change your life.