regeneration

I go to a meeting that's relatively small, I like it. One woman got on my nerves in sharing as she kept talking about falling out with her daughter, how her daughter should come with her to therapy etc (she seemed angry and bitter). Did it again the next week. Then the week after her daughter and partner turn up and share to tell their "side" of the story, the woman in question leaves. Next week, they turn up after the meeting has started, woman leaves again, they talk a little bit about her but not so much.

It's getting on my nerves as it reminds me of the point scoring and rows in my family. My therapist tells me to go and see what feelings come up and work out why it's bothering me.

Any advice? I wish they'd take their family stuff elsewhere, can't work out if I need to be more tolerant.

Charmie

i would find another meeting PRONTO...AA meetings in "theory" are to share the solution to alcoholism...the 12 steps...they are not group therapy and certainly i would stay WELL CLEAR of any meeting that thinks its ok to have a family showdown free for all......i would seek out a "closed" meeting...the one your attending is an open meeting if family are allowed in...a big book study would be best...i can pretty much assure you that this kind of thing will no way go on in a closed big book study.sounds like an episode of coronation street...awful.
i do know you have a massive choice of meetings in london...if you want some help i know some folk down there...send me a pm.

regeneration

thanks Charmie. They are all in AA, I should have made that clear, so I'm thinking "this must be okay". One week the daughter comes and talks about how "she's picked-up again" after a row with her mother, and shares the awful stuff that her mother did to her when younger (after the mother left). I think because I grew up in an alcoholic family it kinda triggers me (obviously in AA I'm going to hear some stories like that, I need to accept it, but this situation makes me uncomfortable).

I'm doing service there so would need to tell the guy that chairs the group that I'm off, I talked about it and he didn't seem that concerned, but gave me a lot of good advice generally (I do like some people there) which is why I'm thinking it's "my issue".

I'll back online later, but may PM you, appreciate the offer.

Sapling

Nicely put Charmie...Big Book meeting...Step meeting...Anything but that. I wouldn't listen to that crap either. For me finding a meeting that I connected with and making it my home group helped. I still like going to different places for meetings....But it's nice knowing that my home group is there. Family.

tomsteve

go to other meetings. you will find them in different bodies. what does your sponsor have to say about it? mine would start me at step one and find out why it bothers me.
this type of behavior is not that uncommom. we are/were sick people. i have dealt with this in different ways. after hearing someone like this a few times at meetings, i have interrupted and asked if they are lookin for help or just venting. i have asked the group at the meeting if they are feeling the talk being talked is appropriate and made it a group choice for the person to shut up or leave. if the group says they can continue, its my choice to shut up or leave. either way, the people either get with the program or disappear.

omegasupreme

When something is getting on my nerves in meetings it is ALWAYS about Aaron(I really should stop talking in 3rd person, this leaves an out if another Aaron happens to be in the meeting), no one else, Love and Tolerance of others is my Code, and I can't practice that with my self will intact...that being said from what my friends tell me London is similar to Texas....sometimes meetings are "therapy" based and some are Solution (12 step recovery) based. I am not always good at accepting that some people can stay sober and get better just making meetings. That is rooted in jealousy because I was a mad dog for booze which means I have to be a mad dog for AA...just holding on in meetings only took me so far. Feel free to PM me anytime.

If you want what we have let us know and we will make sure you get hooked in with some folks that can show you the way. If not that is cool too, hope you find what it is you are looking for

Gottalife

Our stories disclose in a general way.... meetings can get off track when someone decides to share stuff that is detailed and specific and ought to be shared only with a sponsor or professional - i.e inappropriate. As a newcomer it is completely understandable that this would make you uncomfortable and probably the best course is to find another meeting. I have been around a while so, like Tomsteve, I am inclined to speak out if we are getting too far from our primary purpose.

One of the concerns that rests with the group conscience I guess, is that when it allows inappropriate behavior it can do most harm to the perpetrator in the long run. I well remember a time where a newish member talked about some deviant behaviour which took us all by surprise. Nobody judged him and at the time he thought he had done the right thing confessing this stuff. A day or two later he realised what he had said and felt too ashamed to come back to AA. He took his own life a few weeks later.

Regardless of the effect on other members, this story shows that the GC isn't doing anyone any favours when they allow the meeting to get too far from its primary purpose, least of all the person with the troublesome sharing.

Taking5

Like Charmie said, a BB study meeting will not give them leeway to discuss this kind of stuff. They can discuss the BB reading or be quiet. For this reason BB studies are my favorite types of meetings.

sugarbear1

Are you working the steps?

Fenris

Personally, if I were you I'd thank my HP for giving me the opportunity to practice patience, tolerance and understanding. I go to AA meetings to stay well, and sometimes the best way of accomplishing that is to run into situations in the rooms that test me, that push the boundaries of what I'm comfortable with. It gives me the chance to seek out the flaw within myself that responds to what's going on around me. I agree that AA meetings aren't the place for a family to work out their issues or try to "one-up" each other, but again, I really see it as an opportunity to learn more about myself and how I react to others. A matter of perspective.

--Fenris.

CarolD

Very early on I learned how to look at each member when they shared.
Then...either I went to the Ladies or thought about something else if I could not relate

I often read the Steps and or the Traditions on the wall and thought how I could best proceed ..
.

Perhaps the difference is that I do not have a family history of alcoholism?

Anyway...I am more concerened with the fact that this situatiom seems to
be a distraction for you...pray for them and stay in focus....

regeneration

I wanted to say thanks all. I went off and pondered this thread this weekend. CarolD, what you said about it being a distraction is true, and I had to ask why. I don't think this meeting is right for me, but once I had a think I also realised that I'm not spending enough time at other meetings, so this one had become the focus for me. I didn't have enough to compare it with/supplement my sobriety. I was avoiding committing to AA one way or other. If I'm going to do it, I may as well do it properly.

I had been to a BB meeting that was great, so I'll take advice on here and go back to it.

I'll get to some other meetings today, thank you all.

Sapling

Good for you regeneration...I learn a lot from meetings and I like them.....Everything I need to know is in that book. Enjoy your meetings.