OheemJah

I freaked out a couple of days ago and went to the liquor store. After three months of sobriety I thought I could just pick up where I left off. I hated the feeling of being drunk, I felt ******** or something. Not to mention feeling like I am going to die for the next two days. I don't ever want to drink ever again, I don't know what I was fantasizing about this whole time. Alcohol is disgusting, I can't even imagine having a glass of wine with dinner... SO GROSS. Thanks for listening. It's so nice not having the temptation of booze on my shoulders, thank God for relapsing (in my situation).

Jitterbugg

My last relapse in November was different for me too. I didn't get that euphoric feeling that I used to. I was just drunk and it really felt awful.

TheRestorative

Thats exactly how I felt this morning after drinking all last night. It was just gross in every way. Have no desire to drink at all anymore. I feel like this feeling of disgust toward alcohol is finally sticking, even if it's only a little bit at a time. Usually I wake up nastily hungover, but by 7 PM the same day, I'm ready to drink again. Tonight, I still feel hungover and the very thought of having a glass of wine makes me sick to my stomach. I want to live my life and try new things, accomplish things I've always wanted to. Drinking the way we do not only is killing us slowly, but it's keeping us from all of the other wonderful things that could make up our lives.

Take care my friend!

OheemJah

Thanks for your words! I didn't have the euphoric feeling either, I just felt horrible. It's such a relief that I don't want to drink anymore. I was out of control until I decided to change my life 3 mos. ago.

hypochondriac

Thanks for posting this OheemJah. It helps to remember that alcohol ain't all it's cracked up to be! It's so easy to remember the good alcohol experiences and feel sorry for yourself for not being able to indulge but the actual reality is quite different. For me getting rid of the illusion that alcohol somehow is a cure all is half the battle x

The thought of drinking alcohol makes me feel sick too because I know it will make me sick.

DayTrader

That's an interesting notion I quoted above......one I'm familiar with.

"I didn't know I was doing X.....or Y" - yet I was.

That line scared me - through the realization of that single thought, it hit me that maybe just deciding I was going to stop wouldn't work, it might not be sufficient. What if there were other things I was doing that I "didn't know?" Heck, odds were there were some. How could I guarantee myself sobriety if I didn't reign in all those things I was doing that I didn't know I was doing?.....and how would I find them?....and how would I stop them?

......that's where the "group" concept of recovery started to make a lot of sense. A sponsor could see things in me long before I could see them in myself. Can't we all see "problems' in the lives of others well before they do? Sure......that's natural.

Glad you relapsed too...but more importantly you survived it AND you're going to do something about it. We never know how many empty chambers are left in that gun of alcoholism pointed at our heads.

Fenris

OheemJah, I know that as an alcoholic, I have a pretty short memory. I hope that you're able to hold onto this feeling and use it to propel you forward into your recovery. Next time the urge strikes you (and it likely will) come back and read this post.

--Fenris.

Frenzy

I guess that relapses are inevitable. our alcoholic voices telling us to drink are comparable to the spoilt child trying to push the boundaries, until we get wise and send it an asbo

Leemzer

The same thing used to happen to me years ago when I would relapse with cigarettes. They NEVER taste the same as they do when you are smoking regularly. I noticed the same thing with my minor relapses in the past with alcohol. It doesn't even TASTE the same and the second I felt even slightly intoxicated the guilt killed any good feeling that I could have derived. Sometimes that is very powerful. Take this and file it away. Good for you. Pick up tomorrow and walk on!! Lesson learned and no self flagellation necessary.

scrambled2012

"I guess that relapses are inevitable."

With all due respect,
No, I don't accept that. This is a matter of free will, not predestination.

Frenzy

when i say inevitable, I was thinking along the lines of, the person who accepts to themselves they are an alcoholic will usually want to convince themselves that they can go back to moderation, which doesn't work.
hopefully an in the OPs case, the lapse, in a positive way strengthens the resolve.

Sapling

I don't know...For me...Relapsing just tells me what I'm doing is not enough. I can't rely on my memory....Alcohol wants me dead and I know that. I can only rely on what I do today to not pick up that first drink. And if that's the same thing I did yesterday I'll be OK. Yesterday's don't keep me sober. What I do today does.

scrambled2012

By no means am i condeming those who may relaps, and absolutly, using what you have learned, always, is a good thing; and it is true, that it is today that matters, not yesterday. For me, I just consider relapsing a...willingness to harm my neighbor....a willingness to run over some kid on the way home from school. I understand fully that not everybody might see it like that, I know when they are speaking of relapsing they are thinking of a different thing, where "the russian roulet chamber might be empty this one more time." It's not my life that matters, not my life that I'm risking. I thought that way when I was drinking...that it only effected me, was only harming my brain, my health, wiping out my future.

It wasn't. It caused me to act in a way that risked the lives of others. That's a whole different beast and I can't allow myself to ever do that again.

Any improvements in my own life are just a nice side effect, they aren't the main reason I don't drink.

Sapling

I would never condemn anyone for relapsing either. I have to look at it as my life depends on it. Alcohol took just about everything I had from me and almost killed me. I can't afford to relapse because I doubt I'd make it back. All I wanted to do was live happy and alcohol free...I found the tools to do that...And that's what I use everyday. So far it's working. I'm looking forward to today.

YVRguy

I guess whatever situation that reminds us that alcohol is not an option for some of us can be helpful for today and getting through today without a drink.

I often wonder why I ever end up back in that state of putting off the inevitable withdrawal and feeling like crap. Its the nature of the foe , cunning , deceptive and will use any trick of my mind to ruin my best intentions. I mean I wouldn't let someone slap my upside the head repeatedly and then go back for more ...I sure have let alcohol do that for a long time.

For me , this foe will be here for the rest of my life. I just need to keep fighting with all I can and be wary and know there are support troops to help in the fight

eJoshua

Maybe print out this post and stick it on your bathroom mirror? The sting fades quickly, unless you slap yourself in the face with it every now and then.

freshstart57

My 'foe' is like an ex GF who cheated on me and stole from me and made a fool of me. If she were to come knocking at my door there would be no battle, no fight. There would not be an argument, or even a discussion. I would just smile in pity at her, and close the door. I ain't buying what she has to sell, and I never will again.