Sethus

Hello.
This is my third time getting sober, and while the first month has been relatively easy, it is only now a month later that all the trouble I caused my ex girlfriend as well as many others has suddenly hit me.
It's as though my brain knew it couldn't juggle sobriety and emotion so it chose to just totally shut off in order to give me a chance to quit drinking.

In the first few weeks I stayed with my mum in the country, away from city life. Was busy working on my dissertation and began meditating every day.
It seemed such a world away from the messed up binge drinking routine of going out- partying- getting wasted- drunkenly doing something I would regret and then sleeping in until late afternoon every day that I didn't have a chance to acknowledge the serious life changes that were ensuing.

A month on and I am having realisations about losing someone I loved dearly, and emotion is getting the better of me. Social situations are ever so difficult because the way I behave is the polar opposite of how I would normally under the influence. I can't cope in large groups or parties anymore.

All the emotion that I'd managed to suppress over the month has come back in full force.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Or any advice for me on how to cope with it?

Impurrfect

(((Sethus))) - Welcome to SR!! I think most of us have gone through some of what you are. When we're drinking (or using, in my case) I numbed out my feelings. I hurt people who cared about me. I ruined a really good career.

When I got clean, it's like reality smacked me upside the face and it was bad. One day I'd be feeling good about being clean, the next I was overwhelmed with feeling hurt, angry, frustrated, you name it. The only thing I was certain of was that I was dealing with a whole lot of bad consequences of my actions, and I didn't want to do anything stupid to cause MORE bad consequences.

Many people find 12-step programs help, some don't. There are many ways to recover. For me, SR and some supportive friends and family have been enough.

There are some things we can't undo. We keep moving forward, accept our past for what it is, and do our best to not make the same mistakes again.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

artsoul

Welcome Sethus!

Congrats on getting sober...... It's not easy when we have to start dealing with the emotions/thoughts we're so used to escaping. Someone here told me to look at sobriety as a process - we have to get to know ourselves again, learn how to deal with emotions, social situations etc., - and it's just not going to happen overnight. If I learned one thing in early sobriety, it was virtue of having patience!

Another thing that helps me is to stay moment instead of getting wrapped up in the past or future, and accepting my feelings without judging myself. I hard some hard times early on too, but it really does get better!

ACT10Npack

Good time to talk to your ex and get things on the right track. You can't change the pass but you can change your present state.

Jitterbugg

Hi Sethus,
Your post could have been written to describe myself as well. My drinking ruined my relationship with my GF and I went away to my parents' house outside the city to collect myself after a stint in rehab. A year later, I still feel guilty for being such a douche-bag to her. I repaid money I owed her and apologized, and she has forgiven me, but I am still haunted by my actions. I guess remorse is a side-effect of sobriety, but it's good I am feeling like a normal person should.

doggonecarl

Welcome.

You should be proud of a month....but it's just that, a month. So early in your recovery. It will take time to get your emotions on an even keel. Just don't drink. Or you will be back to square one, plus the regrets for losing a month sober.

Good luck.

Dee74

Hi Sethus
welcome

I think most of us deal with what you're talking about - it's almost as if the not drinking is the easy part - there's all the dealing with living sober too.

I likened myself to a newborn when I got sober - I'd drunk or drugged all my adult life - there were many many things I had no idea how to tackle sober - but I learned, day by day, time by time.

The learning curve was pretty steep but it got easier the more things I accomplished sober

Supports very important too, so I'm glad you've joined us
Are you thinking of face to face support too?

D

CaiHong

hi Seth,
Welcome nothing much more to add to what has already been said, I am coming up to a yar sober and my emotions are fairly stable now. it takes timeout gets better and it is worth it.
CaiHong

Sethus

Thankyou for all the responses. Hearing from people who've been in this situation and come out the other side as stronger individuals is really inspiring.
It's ridiculous to think that it's times like these when I need a drink the most to cope with consequences that are a product of the very action of drinking.
One day at a time.
@Dee74 I have tried AA on and off for about a year of trying to kick the drinking but it really wasn't for me. I think once I've been sober for a steady amount of time it's something I'll reconsider.

Fenris

Sethus....it does get easier. My first real attempt at sobriety, the reality of all the things I'd done in the past smacked me right in the face and honestly, it led me back to a bottle a couple of times, because I didn't use the tools available to "sober me" to deal with what "drunk me" had done and been through. That's when the support of other alcoholics seems to be the most important -- people who know where you are and where you've been. If I were you, I wouldn't wait to go back to AA. Best wishes,

--Fenris.

2granddaughters

Hello Sethus, you may have the cart before the horse here .....

I found sobriety and relief from my other mental, spiritual and emotional conditions in A.A.
.. may just be the ticket for you as well.

Cheers from the colonies.

Bob R