husband in rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1
husband in rehab
I got married last month and I found out that my new husband is snorting drugs (heroin). I have no clue why he would do that we just got married!!!! He said he has been doing it for 10 days and I know a lot about drugs, so I confronted him about it but off course he denied it. So while he was sleeping I found them, and took him to rehab the next day. He said he really wants to fix things.
He has done it before about 3 years ago, but he was pretty young and dumb back than and he told me he would not do it ever again in his life! I believed him because he went to church he got baptized so I really thought his whole life was changed.
I send him to Christian rehab right after I found out. I don’t think I ever want to see him again. Should I just leave him? Because I heard if you do it once you’re going to keep on coming back to drugs again and again. (which he did)
My brother was a heroin addict too for a long time and he went through the same program and he is drug free now. Help I know this is pretty bad and I’m barely surviving, but I don’t know what to do! My brother keeps on telling me to stay because now he is happy and has his own family and kids. i don’t want to see him but my brother says my husband needs the support!
i probably will see him this weekend i dont know what to or what to say i am so angry and hurt by him! help!
He has done it before about 3 years ago, but he was pretty young and dumb back than and he told me he would not do it ever again in his life! I believed him because he went to church he got baptized so I really thought his whole life was changed.
I send him to Christian rehab right after I found out. I don’t think I ever want to see him again. Should I just leave him? Because I heard if you do it once you’re going to keep on coming back to drugs again and again. (which he did)
My brother was a heroin addict too for a long time and he went through the same program and he is drug free now. Help I know this is pretty bad and I’m barely surviving, but I don’t know what to do! My brother keeps on telling me to stay because now he is happy and has his own family and kids. i don’t want to see him but my brother says my husband needs the support!
i probably will see him this weekend i dont know what to or what to say i am so angry and hurt by him! help!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR....I'm sorry that you are dealing with this difficult situation.
You need support too. There is no reason you have to make decisions right away. There is no rush. Breathe. Time always reveals more.
Your husband is in a place where he can get help if he wants it.
Have you considered getting support for yourself? NarAnon Family Groups are a great place to get support from people who understand what it's like to love someone who is addicted.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
You need support too. There is no reason you have to make decisions right away. There is no rush. Breathe. Time always reveals more.
Your husband is in a place where he can get help if he wants it.
Have you considered getting support for yourself? NarAnon Family Groups are a great place to get support from people who understand what it's like to love someone who is addicted.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
You have received some shocking information, so it will be good to allow your mind time to settle and to think clearly and be able to make clear choices. We tend to be rash and impulsive when we are in emotional turmoil.
It's all right to ask him for a few weeks of no contact while you get your mind and feelings sorted out.
We are glad you are here. You will learn a lot about drug addiction here that will help you. Welcome.
It's all right to ask him for a few weeks of no contact while you get your mind and feelings sorted out.
We are glad you are here. You will learn a lot about drug addiction here that will help you. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 99
Like you, I found out soon after the wedding (that was 1 year ago)
I moved out... Told him I would be there if he choose recovery
U need a lot of help and support... Meetings, therapy..
And u need to educate yourself.about addiction
In the last year I have learned that everything was 10x worse than whatever he told me..
For example.. ”I've only.been using recreationally for.a year” the truth was 10 years.
im glad he went to rehab...mine wouldn't... But he may relapse...and I hope u don't take that personally... It took me a LONG time to understand how.HUGE.addiction was and how it really had nothing to do with me.... me asking him to be sober was like asking him to give up his best friend, lover, and identity he had since he was 14... Im rambling.... You are not alone
I moved out... Told him I would be there if he choose recovery
U need a lot of help and support... Meetings, therapy..
And u need to educate yourself.about addiction
In the last year I have learned that everything was 10x worse than whatever he told me..
For example.. ”I've only.been using recreationally for.a year” the truth was 10 years.
im glad he went to rehab...mine wouldn't... But he may relapse...and I hope u don't take that personally... It took me a LONG time to understand how.HUGE.addiction was and how it really had nothing to do with me.... me asking him to be sober was like asking him to give up his best friend, lover, and identity he had since he was 14... Im rambling.... You are not alone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
Sorry for the length and this is all my humble opinion....
I agree. its probably ALOT worse than it is. My brother always told SOMETHING true to give the illusion that the whole truth was coming out. it was just to get people from asking more questions.
I noticed you said "i sent him" or "i took him" when it comes to rehab. As long as thats the case, forget about change. It only happens when HE wants it. in that regard, baptism and rehab are alike in that you could be baptized or be in rehab every day for the rest of your life and change is not going to happen unless the person really wants it. God knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give us hope and a future. But we have free will. Sometimes we choose not to walk the path that was paved with us in mind. Nothing will keep him clean until HE wants it bad enough. Not even God.
My dad was a pastor and i grew up in the church. I've seen women abused, cheated on, sticking by addict husbands, throwing their hope and their future away because people in the church approached them with overwhelming guilt and condemnation at the initial THOUGHT of divorce. Anyone who tells you "God hates divorce" "you need to keep forgiving and stay" is full of crap. well. let me clarify. Yes, God indeed hates divorce, and yes you are called to forgive. But God hates divorce because it splits what he brought together. By your husband using, he already made that decision to do something that split what God brought together. Marriage isnt a piece of paper, its a covenant between you, him and God. and as far as im concerned, He broke it before it was even made. (and during and after) This isnt on you. also, forgiveness doesnt mean putting yourself continually in harms way. Forgiving doesnt mean providing more opportunity to be let down. This isnt what God wants.
this is NOT to say "get a divorce"
This is to say pray, think, research, and whatever your gut tells you, dont let people guilt you into keeping yourself in a harmful situation. People did it to my mother in law for 10+ years and she's a mess because of it. dont let it get to that point. People will tell you that life with an addict is a rollercoaster ride and it only ends when you say stop and get off.
My thoughts and prayers to you and yours.
I agree. its probably ALOT worse than it is. My brother always told SOMETHING true to give the illusion that the whole truth was coming out. it was just to get people from asking more questions.
I noticed you said "i sent him" or "i took him" when it comes to rehab. As long as thats the case, forget about change. It only happens when HE wants it. in that regard, baptism and rehab are alike in that you could be baptized or be in rehab every day for the rest of your life and change is not going to happen unless the person really wants it. God knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give us hope and a future. But we have free will. Sometimes we choose not to walk the path that was paved with us in mind. Nothing will keep him clean until HE wants it bad enough. Not even God.
My dad was a pastor and i grew up in the church. I've seen women abused, cheated on, sticking by addict husbands, throwing their hope and their future away because people in the church approached them with overwhelming guilt and condemnation at the initial THOUGHT of divorce. Anyone who tells you "God hates divorce" "you need to keep forgiving and stay" is full of crap. well. let me clarify. Yes, God indeed hates divorce, and yes you are called to forgive. But God hates divorce because it splits what he brought together. By your husband using, he already made that decision to do something that split what God brought together. Marriage isnt a piece of paper, its a covenant between you, him and God. and as far as im concerned, He broke it before it was even made. (and during and after) This isnt on you. also, forgiveness doesnt mean putting yourself continually in harms way. Forgiving doesnt mean providing more opportunity to be let down. This isnt what God wants.
this is NOT to say "get a divorce"
This is to say pray, think, research, and whatever your gut tells you, dont let people guilt you into keeping yourself in a harmful situation. People did it to my mother in law for 10+ years and she's a mess because of it. dont let it get to that point. People will tell you that life with an addict is a rollercoaster ride and it only ends when you say stop and get off.
My thoughts and prayers to you and yours.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by cc88 
I've seen women abused, cheated on, sticking by addict husbands, throwing their hope and their future away because people in the church approached them with overwhelming guilt and condemnation at the initial THOUGHT of divorce. Anyone who tells you "God hates divorce" "you need to keep forgiving and stay" is full of crap. well. let me clarify. Yes, God indeed hates divorce, and yes you are called to forgive. But God hates divorce because it splits what he brought together. By your husband using, he already made that decision to do something that split what God brought together. Marriage isnt a piece of paper, its a covenant between you, him and God. and as far as im concerned, He broke it before it was even made. (and during and after) This isnt on you. also, forgiveness doesnt mean putting yourself continually in harms way. Forgiving doesnt mean providing more opportunity to be let down. This isnt what God wants.
this is NOT to say "get a divorce"
your husband is in a good place and i pray that he really wants recovery and is deperate to do what it will take to stay sober. watch his actions but keep the focus on you.i will keep you and yours in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
10 days...my apples
You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
Nothing you can say or do will keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.
You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
Nothing you can say or do will keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.
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