Reworking step one...again

Old 05-10-2012, 07:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
3littlechickens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 7
Red face Reworking step one...again

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
Yes I know I cannot control the behaviors, actions, moods of another. And yes, my life has become unmanageable due to the immense amount of chaos which I have allowed to happen.

Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior?
I absolutely accept this. I have tried so many ways to "convince" my mom that she cannot pick up another drink. One is never enough. I have searched my own house for bottles and searched her upon entering my house, all to no avail. If an alcoholic decides to pick up, there is NOTHING that you can do to stop it.

How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine? Stuck on this one...

Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker?
I believe it is a dis-ease which results in the dysfunction and deregulation of vital organs. I feel empathy for the drinker, but am always aware that the treatment of this disease IS the drinker's responsibility even though having this problem is not their "fault".

How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
Ugh. I have tried to play the victim, tried to manipulate, tried the cut off. None of these tactics worked.

What means have I used to get what I want and need? What might work better to get my needs met? I am starting to rely more on the non drinkers in my circle. I need to be more open about my needs.

How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond? I initially feel panicked, then abandoned, then pissed. I respond by withdrawling.

What would happen if I stopped trying to change the alcoholic or anyone else? I would have more time to work on myself.

How can I let go of others’ problems instead of trying to solve them? This is a tough one, as at work I am a therapist. I need to leave my therapist self in my office. Treatment planning my own family has never worked yet...:/

Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one? No and No.

In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people? When people are out of control I feel responsible for them.

In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else’s behavior? Situations in which my mother's drinking has brought ambulances, EMT's and police to my house. Unable to look neighbors in the eye.

What brought me to Al-Anon? What did I hope to gain at that time? How have my expectations changed?
I was introduced to Al Anon when I was working as a family therapist in an inpatient rehab facility. (Hey, if ya can't fix your own family...why not try to fix someone elses? I still hope to gain freedom from guilt, anxiety, and panic over my mom's latest relapse.

Who has expressed concern about my behavior? My health? My children? Give examples. Extended family, some friends who know the story.

How do I know when my life is unmanageable? My closets are a mess and I am overeating to control stress. I have also stopped working out.

How have I sought approval and affirmation from others? I am not sure...I need to keep working this one.

Do I say “yes” when I want to say “no”? What happens to my ability to manage my life when I do this? I say yes professionally when I want to say no because I put a lot of pressure on myself to help as many people as I can. My life becomes stressful when I do this.

Do I take care of others easily, but find it difficult to care for myself?
Yes. I am 100 percent focused in the therapy room, come home exhausted to my three toddlers who are the light of my life, and I take care of them (single mom). I have a sign in my office I show some people "Take my advice, I'm not using it"...

How do I feel when life is going smoothly? Do I continually anticipate problems? Do I feel more alive in the midst of a crisis? I relax some in the smooth spots, but not much because I anticipate the next disaster. I used to sort of like the adrenaline rush of a crisis, but not anymore.

How well do I take care of myself? Not so well, but I am trying.

How do I feel when I am alone? Sometimes fine and positive, sometimes lonely.

What is the difference between pity and love? Pity seems like it is done from a one up standpoint, love is not. Love is more balanced than pity.

Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them? How have I tried to fix them? Not attracted to alcoholics, but was married to a guy with Asperger's who split when I was pregnant with our 3rd child...I bought books on Aspergers, went to seminars, threw myself into the academic side of it. Bad plan.

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are? I am starting to trust myself and I am also starting to believe I can do anything I set my mind to. It is a good, healthy feeling.

Thanks for reading....it felt good to get this out.

Questions from Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts ©1997
3littlechickens is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:41 AM.