ImprovingMe

Ok, let me start by first apologizing for the novel I'm sure this post will turn into, lol. I've been reading here for the last few months and I'm in a bit of strange situation.

I've always been an on again off again drinker since I was a teen (I'm 39 now). I could drink myself silly every night for months, then decide I didn't need/want it and not touch a drop for 2-3-4-5 years.

I also have a problem with insomnia, always have. But because of medications I'm on, health issues, and severe drug allergies I can't take sleeping pills.

So, last October in the middle of a bout of insomnia, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to have a few shots of vodka when I couldn't sleep. Did the job.

Then about 2 months ago, I realized a large bottle of vodka was only lasting me 2 days. I saw the problem, so I quit. Why not? I always quit in the past. WRONG!

It led to the worst 14 hours I have ever experienced. Cold sweats, chills, twitches, shaking, hallucinations, dry heaves. Honestly I thought I had a super flu or had been poisoned or caught a tropical bug.

So I called my best friend from high school (I live alone and am a recluse, she's my only friend). She and I discussed it and she informed me it was alcohol withdrawl and that I needed to do something about it. She knew this because she's been a functioning alcoholic for the last 25 years, we've tried to get her to stop but she refuses.

So I had what my clinic calls a "medical meeting" with all of my doctors present (psychiatrist, therapist and a rehab specialist). My general MD knows also, she just wasn't at the meeting.

I'm horrified, I've never been addicted to anything....my body has different ideas I guess.

After a looooong discussion, bottom line, I can't have most of the meds people get when detoxing. I can go to rehab, but that's IF my insurance okays it. Even then the waiting list is 3-6 months.

I was so shaken and disheartened, so my docs and I have come up with a plan (something I can do in the mean time). See, I'm very proactive, if there's a problem I want to start to fix it right now....not later.

I see each of them on a weekly basis and I'm slowly tapering off. I know people don't agree with this method, but I was becoming very depressed that there weren't steps I could take NOW (while they're arguing with insurance/finding a facility). My docs felt that with close supervision and monitoring, I could semi-start the process now.

So, I know this isn't much, but that big bottle has gone from lasting 2 days to now lasting 5. I know it's not much, but it makes me feel so good, it's a step in the right direction. I've also changed my eating habits, started taking vitamins and am trying to get in 15 mins a day of exercise (baby steps, I did nothing before).

Another thing that's helping....crossword puzzles, lol. I love doing these things and they seem to keep me distracted. I know that's silly, but I've always loved crosswords.

Just wanted to share. Sorry so long.

Jen

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I`m glad you are planning to live a sober life. That`s a great decision. I also self-medicated with alcohol and it quickly got out of hand.

3 - 6 months is a long time to wait for rehab, and yes, most of us here have found tapering does not work. It`s very, very hard for an alcoholic to taper off alcohol.

Did you know that the Salvation Army offers free rehab for people who want it and it`s available in most areas. It might be something you could look into it.

pathway

I think it is great that you have decreased your drinking. That is a huge help for you physical body. However, I recommend, as a recovering addict, to engage in some type of emotional healing. The Salvation Army or Volunteers of America offer therapy and counseling.

Pandora1

Welcome Improving! You will find a lot support here.

DisplacedGRITS

Good on you for recognizing the problem and meeting with your doctors. I've been to rehab twice and while it was good and i learned a lot, alone it wasn't enough. Have you considered attending some AA meetings? I've found AA to be a great long term program for before and after rehab. It's avaliable immediately and you don't have to worry about insurance or being accepted, lol. Welcome to SR and i hope you find the support and information you need here.

Dee74

Hi Jen

If you've read my posts you'll know I'm not a tapering fan...but if you & yr Drs have decided thats your only option for now, okey dokey...

just be sure you have a goal...I presume you're wanting to cut down to nothing, so work towards that

Welcome aboard

D

ImprovingMe

My rehab spec was in touch with them. Unfortunately, in my area, they concentrate more on rehabbing criminals, drug addicts and single moms with multiple children.

Single females with no history of addiction/violence/crime and without children get relegated to the bottom of the list. Not that I blame, I get it. I live in a high crime/drug usage/high violence area.

Not that it doesn't suck.

ImprovingMe

@dee74, thanks. It's just I couldn't stand the idea of waiting and doing nothing in the meantime. I truely believe in baby steps. So, if I can do some little, tiny something in the meantime....I'm doing it.

At this point, I feel like the clinic should be paying me to be there, lol. I'm there 3 times a week and the rehab spec actually visits me at home and calls at least once a week.

I'm lucky in the fact that addiction is a big thing in my area, so these guys know how to deal with it and want to help.

pathway

Just dont give up!!!!

2granddaughters

Are you attending AA meetings?

All the best.

Bob R

hypochondriac

Glad you're here Jen.

I like baby steps too. Are you going to get any help with the mental side of the addiction as well? x

pathway

This is a very important piece!!!!!

ImprovingMe

The mental side, YES!

I've actually been in therapy for anxiety disorder for many years, so bringing this into the equation has been rather easy.

I'm not yet attending AA, but that's the plan. The rehab spec and my therapist feel it's a bit too much too soon right now. In a few weeks, the spec has agreed to attend a few AA meetings with me, til I can get a grip on my fear of people.

I've suffered from social anxiety my entire life. New situations, groups of more than 2 strangers, new environments really freak me out. I have a hard time putting gas in my car and most of the time grocery shopping results in a panic attack (vomiting included).

So we're taking it slow so as not to have any setbacks.

Sapling

That's smart...I think you'll meet some nice people there...That could be real good for you. Good plan.

TopherD

Thanks for sharing with us. Your story helps me. Not to be redundant, but I echo what most others have said about tapering and attending meetings. If I may ask, you called yourself a recluse. Is that related to your anxiety? I'm asking because I myself struggle with anxiety and I know walking into that church basement the first time I did was really tough. A man, who would become my sponsor, hugged me. I froze I was so distraught. But I think he did because he could see the pain in my face. And I swear, within minutes of the meeting starting I started feeling better. It's not a cakewalk after one meeting of course. But I just cant stress enough how much human interaction with other AAs helped me.

Bless you! Hang in there!

Sapling

That's cool Topher...That's nice of you to share that.

Fenris

Welcome to SR ImprovingMe. Also not a fan of tapering, but I think it's great that you're taking positive steps. Glad you're here.

--Fenris.