Lilmssunshine

For the last couple of months I have lived in Fear while living with my extremely co-dependent Mother. Who is controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, at times physically abusive, etc.

Finally I found a job with a Co. that has sustained through this economy. That offers benefits to their employees and pay well!

I found that anytime my Mother threatens me with something to try to control me. I take it away. So she cant threaten me again with the very subject she just through in my face. Like for instance. We no longer by random food and both eat it. For now on I buy my own food. She buys her own food and we dont touch each others. Im giving her less and less things she can control me with. Thats just one example. But she hates that she has less things to control me with now! Its nice

She tried to get me to lye about how much I pay in rent, etc so I can get more money for food stamps so she can eat off them too. She cant get food stamps because she has a huge chunk of savings. The gov. may deny her because well..quite frankly she isnt struggling. I assertively said No. Im not breaking the law. My grants and scholarships will go out the window if I break the law. However, I will get my own food stamps and she can buy her own food. I told her im a grown up with my own values. I can tell her no now. I felt so good for not following her plan just because I was afraid of her.

Also ive been incredibly assertive with conflict. I state what I need or want from her. Then end it there. I dont further it with feeding into her drive to constantly argue.

I work when shes home and am home when shes at work. So I dont have to see her much. And i pick up other people's shifts to make more money.

I feel so good about myself not letting her run the show. I am in control of having a peaceful home. Im in control of my belongings. I can and will create a peaceful environment. And I will be moving away from her VERY soon.

Once I move I dont want anything to do with her.

Im happy with my new found confidence and self esteem in how I deal with her now.

Kialua

Once you get away from home and become your own person you may re-evaluate your relationship in a new light. Give it time, you are young with a whole life in front of you. I think its very important for young people to be away from home and living on their own, however they can manage, roommates etc. Any drinking on your part or your friends only adds fuel to the flames in a bad situation. I can't tolerate any alcohol in my home and my daughter knows that. I hope things calm down for you. You are doing a good job.

dollydo

I agree, you are doing a good job, stick to your guns, keep moving forward.

Lilmssunshine

I actually lived on my own for 5 years. As soon as I was 18 I was out of her house. We moved back together recently once she got her 2nd divorce (im 24 now). When we werent living together there were periods of time where I went NC with her because of the verbal abuse.
I have never drank in our apartment with her, I drank responsibly at friend's houses. So it didnt add fuel to the fire. Me reevaluating will be chosing to not have her in my life when we no longer live together til she decides to get some type of therapy.

dbh

Dear Lilmssunshine:

I wish I had the courage and strength that you have when I was 24! When I was in my 20s my life was still so enmeshed in the dysfunction of my family of origin.

I moved about 5 hours away from them when I was 25 and it helped me begin my own recovery.

Thank you for sharing. Your post made me smile.

I also think your dog is beautiful! I had a beloved German Shepard mixed that we had to put down two years ago when she was 12. I still miss her so much! We now have a CRAZY lab that keeps us laughing.

Fondly,

db

reverse

Thanks for sharing. It's nice to hear that you are dealing with this type of situation so strongly. It sounds like you know what you want and what is healthy and best for you--and without guilt! That's awesome! No one deserves to be manipulated, controlled, and talked down to. It's great you have the courage to not be afraid of her anymore.