winnie1202

It's been a not so good year. My 50 year old husband's drinking had gotten worse over the last couple of years and the the first half of last year was very bad. Almost drank himself to death last summer, got him into rehab. Came out after 30 days, went back to work, did the outpatient, AA. All the right things. But those last couple of years of drinking had done a number to our finances and we were getting behind. Nice middle class family. While he was in rehab I had to file for Chapter 13 to keep our home. It was humiliating. So now we are supposed to be on a strict budget (he doesn't like to follow it) and work is slow. So we are falling behind again. And he is so passive about the situation I want to cry. It's like he's in rehab still and he wants everyone to make the decisions for him. I am so stressed. I thought that once he got sober it would get better, but it hasn't. Our marriage isn't a marriage. He gets defensive when I try and talk to him about any of this trying to take some of the stress off me. I am not sure what to do anymore. No, we have not had any counseling together. Should this be the next step or should I do the Alanon way and take care of me first? My anger is taking over my life.

EnglishGarden

Hi Winnie,

It may be useful to read up on Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, which can affect alcoholics in early recovery for several months up to a few years. I think if you google "Terence Gorski" (I hope I have that spelling right), you may find some information.

Of course, you can't diagnose the problem, but if you see a collection of symptoms that fits, it may ease your pain of disappointment a little. But it must be so hard to be alone with all your worries. Can you reach out to good friends and family members with your feelings and fears for now?

You will be all right, you really will. You have survived a lot already and you are strong because of it.

If you go to counseling with your RAH, I'd suggest someone who specializes in addiction as that person will be familiar with the terrain you and your RAH are currently in.

Wishing you peace of mind and heart.

I'd also like to add that one of my male family members suffered from major depression for a few hard years--he was not an A--and also could not handle even the smallest life responsibilities. He got medical help but even with the very good medicines, it took a long time for him to get well. There are books for family members of depressed persons and in them there is advice about how to handle the anger one has when the depressed person does not function or help. That advice might be useful to you in your situation.