Being comfortable while being uncomfortable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Being comfortable while being uncomfortable
My wife is pushing this further and further. We went to a marriage counselor today and I took advice from my buddies at AA. I said no "you" statements, avoided saying "always and never", and I only talked when asked.
The result. My wife went on and on and on about how I "always" did this... or I "never" helped her... and how if I just did what she asked there would never be any problem. She basically blamed me for everything bad in her life. All I could think about was that passage in "How it Works". The part about how we were the director of the play and if everyone just did as we asked the play would come off perfectly"...
I said very little in the hour long session. I let her go on and on and waited to be asked to give my opinion.
The truth is, I can't control what my wife does or doesn't do. I can't help it if her perception of reality is off. All I can do is take care of me to the best of my ability. I went to a meeting today, went to counseling, talked with other alcoholics, looked for "my part in this", and am participating on this site.
Her plan of action? Xannax, Lexipro, Pot, and blame me for her negative emotions and feelings.
I know (from experience) that those are not solutions. So, here I sit, in my sisters house. All of my clothes were moved in trash bags, I have no idea what tomorrow brings, but I'm OK with that. Right now, at this very moment, I am OK.
My sponsor said that I need to try to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I like that...
Good night everyone!!
:
The result. My wife went on and on and on about how I "always" did this... or I "never" helped her... and how if I just did what she asked there would never be any problem. She basically blamed me for everything bad in her life. All I could think about was that passage in "How it Works". The part about how we were the director of the play and if everyone just did as we asked the play would come off perfectly"...
I said very little in the hour long session. I let her go on and on and waited to be asked to give my opinion.
The truth is, I can't control what my wife does or doesn't do. I can't help it if her perception of reality is off. All I can do is take care of me to the best of my ability. I went to a meeting today, went to counseling, talked with other alcoholics, looked for "my part in this", and am participating on this site.
Her plan of action? Xannax, Lexipro, Pot, and blame me for her negative emotions and feelings.
I know (from experience) that those are not solutions. So, here I sit, in my sisters house. All of my clothes were moved in trash bags, I have no idea what tomorrow brings, but I'm OK with that. Right now, at this very moment, I am OK.
My sponsor said that I need to try to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I like that...
Good night everyone!!
:
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
What a mature and responsible way to view the situation. You are the very model of the Serenity Prayer put to a real life application. Many of us here can learn from your example and find inspiration from it. Congrats and i hope life eases up on you a bit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
That sounds like a good way to handle the situation.
Early in sobriety I just reacted to family, now I am able to step back and see my part in the play.
good luck in the future. I hope your wife can come to recovery as well
CaiHong
Early in sobriety I just reacted to family, now I am able to step back and see my part in the play.
good luck in the future. I hope your wife can come to recovery as well
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
That is amazing. What maturity and resolve. Life sure isn't easy sometimes but AA is equipping you with the tools you need and you are working your way through this. Your post has given a lot of people a lot to think about. Thank you x
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
RW
I am impressed with how you are approaching this. We always have reasons to drink or blame others etc Leo from June 11 always says 'keeping my side of the street clean' it;s a good metaphor, but we need to tolerate the discomfort and the distress we feel while controlling our 'reactions'. As usual your post is an inspiration. I hope your overall circumstances improve.
I am impressed with how you are approaching this. We always have reasons to drink or blame others etc Leo from June 11 always says 'keeping my side of the street clean' it;s a good metaphor, but we need to tolerate the discomfort and the distress we feel while controlling our 'reactions'. As usual your post is an inspiration. I hope your overall circumstances improve.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You handled that well Reggiewayne...That's a fine example of how to work the program..."Acceptance" comes to mind. I love that reading. Nothing...Absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
I think you handled that well.
I said no "you" statements, avoided saying "always and never"
Good advice, and I try to do the same. My wife uses the "always and never" statements with me. Depending on the situation I sometimes point that out to her, other times I just keep my mouth shut.
I said no "you" statements, avoided saying "always and never"
Good advice, and I try to do the same. My wife uses the "always and never" statements with me. Depending on the situation I sometimes point that out to her, other times I just keep my mouth shut.
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