NewbieJ

In Al Anon each day, I hear the phrase that we "will not be a doormat." Soooo there aren't pamphlets on this and I haven't come across this in the reading materials I have (yet), and I am new to the process.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what being a doormat means, and how we can stop being one? Just trying to get myself as healthy as possible.

LoveAllGone

Newbie,

I'm pretty new here myself but I've done a good bit of reading and research on here and in other places. The best advice I can give you on "not being a doormat" is learn to set boundaries with the people you allow into your life. People will take advantage of you in a heartbeat and not being able to stand up for yourself and your belief's is being a doormat. Learn to say "NO" and let that be it. You don't owe an explanation for it and you CAN say it. If there is something you don't like and cannot stand for--make it known, set that boundary, and stick to the consequences if someone crosses the boundary. I am by nature a big hearted person and I have always tried to help everyone with everything--but what I've realized is that even though its fine to help people...it's not ok to help people do things they should be doing for themselves.

Just my thoughts on it...

marie1960

Don't want to be a door mat......... Stand up.......

make yourself the priority of your life.
If something is bad, get rid of it
If something is good, embrace it.
Surround yourself with knowledge,

Stop allowing others to hurt you.
Only you can restore order to your life,
it starts within,
be your own bestfriend.

It all starts with you, believe in yourself.
Love yourself first.

inpieces314

You can't help anyone who won't help themselves first.

You can try, but it won't work.

All you can do is help yourself.

djayr

I believe the saying is, if you don't want to be a doormat you have to get up off the ground!

For me, that means taking some kind of action for ME. Going to a meeting, seeing or calling a friend, getting organized or accomplishing something I have been putting off, doing something nice for someone, etc.

Just showing up at an Al Anon meeting means you are NOT a doormat!

To me, being a doormat means letting AW's drinking ruin my life, sap my energy, make me feel hopeless about the future, feel sorry for myself...and on and on.

SoaringSpirits

People don't tend to step on a doormat that has a fence around it.
Your fence is your sense of having and keeping boundaries.

I made a nice fence around my doormat, it's cute and has roses growing all over it.

TakingCharge999

I know I will take all my life to try to answer to this question
Realizing when I am acting like a doormat is progress...
It means there is an option to act in a different way.