hypochondriac

Okay, so after isolating myself somewhat to recover and having to avoid things that I may find difficult I now have to get back to it so to speak. Any tips?

I know lots of people have had to abandon some drinking friends but that isn't really an issue for me as most of the people I spend a lot of time with aren't big drinkers. My work colleagues are but that's another story and I can't avoid them. I can't avoid pubs either.

I suppose my main concern is that I still feel a bit defensive and over sensitive when it comes to drinking...like I was when I was drinking. I avoided talking about alcohol at all. Now I'm worried how I'll react if people comment on me not drinking. Erm, so emotionally I'm at a standstill...nothing has changed except I don't drink now. I'm hoping that the more I am exposed to these situations the more I'll be able to handle myself but I can't help but feel a bit fragile right now.

What experiences have other people had getting on with living life sober?

Anna

Well, I had to change a lot of things, besides stopping drinking.

And, I wouldn`t have been comfortable in a situation. where people were asking me why I wasn`t drinking for a long time.

My suggestion would be to take some time to get to know yourself and to come to a point where you feel comfortable with your decision about drinking. It`s understandable that you`re fragile right now. I was too.

hypochondriac

Thank you Anna I'm not sure if 2 months is really long enough to pretend everything's normal again...I just feel a bit guilty because I've been avoiding people a bit.

Zee

Just be yourself... what other way can you be!
If people ask questions, say how you feel about it... you may not have to go into the darkest depths of soul and splurge out your whole drinking history. A simple 'I've given it up thank you very much' and you could throw in a 'did you know, you may as well be drinking bleach, the good its doing you!' ha ha!
I was myself... (I was ill though and looked like a 'Belsen Victim' <--- what my doctor said I looked like, bless him) all the comments I get now are, well done, proud of you and you are looking better!
Can't ask for more than that eh?
Once you're out there... 'normal' just falls into place, whether it becomes a new normal or not

regeneration

hello.. I'm nearly 7 weeks sober. After 4 weeks I told family members that didn't know already. I told my work team very quickly, just said I wanted to stop drinking as it did not agree... no-one has asked for more detail. I did tell one guy that there is a lot of alcoholism in my family so that was another incentive for me to stop. I just talk about it positively and people don't really ask more as I say how great I feel... I'm surprised they don't ask more, but they are all decent guys on my team. I'd just be upfront and say "I'm not drinking as I don't want to as it doesn't agree with me".

As for not isolating myself... I pick certain things (karaoke was fine as was the dancing with it, and I had a good time at a pub quiz). I do find parts of the nights out enjoyable but I have found the odd thing tiring/depressing. Strangely, it's the "little" things. Like being at the bar and there is no orange and soda as there are no soft drinks on draft, and while everyone drinks cocktails I then spend £3 on a red bull and feel left-out and ripped off.

I'm still careful not to go on lots of nights out (I do other things now) and I think I'll wait another 4 months at least before even contemplating certain nights/things with certain people. Or never even! I find certain things tiring/difficult to manage. For me, if I think something may be a problem it's usually a sign I should avoid it, the one time I ignored that I felt bad.

And don't feel guilty... put yourself first, I currently can't see my siblings all together.. would set me off. One day I will.

LoftyIdeals

Hypo...funny, this was our topic at my Saturday morning meeting. We had some interesting and some humorous conversation. One lady said she used to say, "I can't drink tequila anymore because it makes my clothes fall off". Hilarious. The general consensus was that folks don't label themselves alcoholic to outsiders. They might say things like, I'm allergic, or I'm on meds, or I'm driving, etc.

Like you, I have isolated socially, and have only recently begun to tell folks. Now, I just say, I quit drinking as it was getting in the way of me meeting my goals, and was no longer pleasurable.

You will figure it out as you go, I'm sure, but it doesn't hurt to have rehearsed it in your head a little beforehand.

Zencat

For me, learning new ways to cope with situations that are unfamiliar can be best done by getting out there and practicing new behaviors. I know when I make a positive change with my behaviors, my internal world gets better too.

hypochondriac

Thanks Zee, Regeneration, LoftyIdeals and Zencat

I have been getting out there a bit...mainly work stuff. I figure it's good to do this bit by bit. I'm seeing both of my sibling this weekend Regeneration! I think that should be okay though as they both know why I've quit. I'm glad I told a few people but I want to avoid telling anyone else. And the rehearsal in my head so far involves me getting snappy if anyone comments on it...better try and write a better script...

Jitterbugg

I have been out of rehab almost a year, and I have avoided all non-family people since. I get Facebook queries all the time like "Hi stranger, how you been?" and "WTF? Did you move? Where are you, dude?"....

I relapsed in November, which told me I'm not ready to face people just yet. The isolation is lonely, but necessary for now. My life depends on getting this right!

jobei

Hey Hypo -- I tell people the simple truth: Alcohol is causing my body problems so I quit drinking. I have yet to have anyone speculate to me on it. That's good for "casual" friends... for close friends and family I've gone down the long list of why drinking is no good for me... it's a long one.

Sapling

I can't isolate myself...I did that the last two years of my drinking. That alone almost killed me...Or drove me completely insane. Simple solution for me was to hang around with people that understand my problem and that I don't have to explain it too. So far so good. I don't even know what ordinary life is....But I'm starting to enjoy the one I got now.

hypochondriac

Glad it's not just me then Jitterbug

Jobei..a few people have actually assumed I'm not drinking because I'm on a health kick. 'For health reasons' seems the obvious thing to say really, it's true and I'm chronically honest so it's probably best not to make up excuses

Sapling...AA is starting to sound better and better x

Sapling

I needed to stop drinking because it was killing me and I didn't have anything left to lose. My family called me a drunk. And I was one. But I needed more than stopping drinking...I needed some spirituality in my life....I had none. I needed to change the way I lived....And I needed new people in my life...People like me that didn't drink....AA was a package deal for me. Everything I wanted I got and more. All I had to do was 12 simple steps. I don't know...I guess it was just the place I was meant to be. It just took me a long time to find it.

TheRestorative

I typically will isolate myself in the evenings closer to when I'm ready to sleep. My family doesn't drink, so I don't have a problem there. Because I'm a wife and mother, I'm home a lot. This makes others expectations of me pretty standard. I'm not expected to go to bars or clubs, nor am I invited there. My life has been this way for a while. When I drank, it was in the evenings either alone or with my husband. The social drinking was very rare. I'm going to start AA. I feel like having that support group will be a great way to keep me focused.

Sapling

It's also a great way to make friends with some incredible people that have the same goal you do. I'm doing a dinner a week from Sunday...I have 12 good friends from AA coming over. We have a blast. Life without alcohol.