Lost3000

I don't know what to think.

I was leaving an AA mtg today when my coworker (from my old drinking crew) walked out of the next door CA mtg. We looked at each other, smiled, and said hi! Then kept going.

I was talking to another friend while leaving and so didn't totally notice my coworker, although I did see already at our building across the street.

My friend said, you should say something to her, so she doesn't never come back because she's worried you saw her. My friend has 20+ yrs so I thought, well, she's probably right.

I wrote a simple email to her saying, hey, glad to see you, don't worry, I'll be silent, I'm available to talk/coffee/whatever. Not in those exact words but pretty much. Very simple and to the point.

She wrote back saying that I was assuming why she was there, that she was supporting a friend from church. Although... I didn't see her with anyone or talking to anyone.

I told her that I didn't need to know why she was there and didn't want her to worry about me breaking anonymity. And that coffee was still an option.

But now I'm annoyed. And irritable. I mean, she saw me there, so why not just come clean? I know, I know, she could be brand new and freaking out. But still. It would be nice to have a fellow friend in the program.

Also, she's always been pretty bi*chy and I never really liked her. Maybe this is the key. I'm leaving the whole thing alone, trust me.

Next she asks me if I'm going to her nearby church. She's a super jesus-thumper. I told her no and it's been all quiet on her end. I cannot stand people like that. The type who want nothing to do with you and feel sad for you if you are not a jesus-thumper too. Drives me crazy and I find it hypocritical.

instant

I don't know what CA is. I don't really know what her issue is - it is clear there is tension in the communication. Leaving it alone and just a friendly greeting when you see her may be the best bet.

I am starting to recognise when interpersonal stuff eats at me. My current strategy is to acknowledge that it is happening, that it hurts and accept that my mind keeps coming back to it. I try to disconnect from it and focus on other stuff.

Lost3000

It's Cocaine Anonymous. I don't think there was tension in the communication, judging from her response. We went from that to talking about what we are doing now, having coffee together, etc.

I realize it's something I can't control and so I am trying to get over it.

I don't understand my irritation.

neferkamichael

Congratulations on the 4 months 8 days of sobriety Lost3000. It irritated me when old friends of mine were indifferent to quiting. 1 year 10 months later and sober I hardly think about at all. Just stay sober, it wil l be alright.

awuh1

I believe your irritation comes, in part, from expectation. Very often when I find myself upset, my own expectations are at the bottom of it. You emailed her expecting a certain response and it did not happen that way. It’s very helpful to come to grips with this for me, as it points out it's seldom the other person’s behavior, in and of itself, that's the cause of my emotional upset. Helps me not play the blame game.

Lost3000

LOL, 4 mos, 8 days! Thanks.

Lost3000

Hmmmm..... yeahh.....!!!! I thought I'd write her, and we'd have this heartfelt talk, and we'd hug and I'd have a new bestie. Seriously, I guess I was hoping for that. I'll think about what you said.

Oh and I still think she's lying. She wasn't with anyone, walked back to work alone. I think she's in CA and doesn't want to tell me. Which is fine.