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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
First Post
Hi everyone,
I'm new here, and I decided to join this community for support. My husband is an alcoholic. We have been married for 4 years. When I met him he told me all about his past life, his alcoholism, his time in Jail for DUI, everything. I was naive, did not know anything about alcoholism figured if someone has been sober for a long time they were cured. When I met him he had been sober for 5 years. We also had the same morals/values, went to the same church that I went to and his faith was very important to him. I admired that in him and I admired what he had overcome. Anyways, 2 years ago he took a drink. For the last 2 years it has gotten worse. Now that I know a lot more about alcoholism I understand that when someone is sober and takes that first drink the alcoholic will end up right back to where they started. That's exactly what happend, it has progressed and progressed to the point that I have been suffering from anxiety/panick attacks etc etc. He's not violent when he drinks and he does not drink at home ever but he drinks on his way home stops at the local bar. He's a musician and gives the excuse that he stops by to play some " tunes " with his buddies. He's been in denial, and refusing to get help. Well, about 1 month ago things started to really turn around. He basically hit an all time emotional low, very depressed and self hatred with shame/guilt over his drinking. This led him to seek help and to admit that he could not fix this on his own. A few men from church reached out to him and He joined AA and has a sponsor. Very committed, he has been going to daily AA meetings for 2 weeks now, and is reading the " Big Book" daily. Well, today he relapsed He still went to an AA meeting and called his sponsor right away. In my heart I have a lot of faith and hope for my husband, I really feel that even though he relapsed the fact that he still went to an AA meeting is a positive thing. He is meeting up with his sponsor tomorrow morning. My question is this : For those of you that have more experience then I regarding relapses, recovery etc etc would you say this is a good sign? Thanks for listening.
I'm new here, and I decided to join this community for support. My husband is an alcoholic. We have been married for 4 years. When I met him he told me all about his past life, his alcoholism, his time in Jail for DUI, everything. I was naive, did not know anything about alcoholism figured if someone has been sober for a long time they were cured. When I met him he had been sober for 5 years. We also had the same morals/values, went to the same church that I went to and his faith was very important to him. I admired that in him and I admired what he had overcome. Anyways, 2 years ago he took a drink. For the last 2 years it has gotten worse. Now that I know a lot more about alcoholism I understand that when someone is sober and takes that first drink the alcoholic will end up right back to where they started. That's exactly what happend, it has progressed and progressed to the point that I have been suffering from anxiety/panick attacks etc etc. He's not violent when he drinks and he does not drink at home ever but he drinks on his way home stops at the local bar. He's a musician and gives the excuse that he stops by to play some " tunes " with his buddies. He's been in denial, and refusing to get help. Well, about 1 month ago things started to really turn around. He basically hit an all time emotional low, very depressed and self hatred with shame/guilt over his drinking. This led him to seek help and to admit that he could not fix this on his own. A few men from church reached out to him and He joined AA and has a sponsor. Very committed, he has been going to daily AA meetings for 2 weeks now, and is reading the " Big Book" daily. Well, today he relapsed He still went to an AA meeting and called his sponsor right away. In my heart I have a lot of faith and hope for my husband, I really feel that even though he relapsed the fact that he still went to an AA meeting is a positive thing. He is meeting up with his sponsor tomorrow morning. My question is this : For those of you that have more experience then I regarding relapses, recovery etc etc would you say this is a good sign? Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Tomasia, and welcome to SoberRecovery 
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru this hardship. My ex-wife is a pill addict so I have a bit of an understanding of what you are dealing with.
As to whether it is a good sign that your husband is going to AA, it really depends. My experience is that just one day is not a sign of anything when dealing with this horrid disease. The only good signs are made with time and behavior. If my wife had gone to AA for a long time and her behavior had remained good during that time then it would have been a good sign.
I think what matters most is how _you_ feel about his behavior. How _you_ feel about the way he treats you, whether he follows thru on promises, is respectful, takes care of his responsibilites. Those are questions that cannot be answered in just one day, they come with time.
Have you been to a support group for _you_? Like al-anon, or Celebrate Recovery? I found them to be wonderfuly supportive for me. Being able to talk to other people who were dealing with the same issues I had was wonderful.
There will be other folks here shortly who will give you their own experience. I hope we can be helpful to you in some way.
Welcome again, I'm sorry you have a need for us, but I am glad you decided to join us.
Mike
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru this hardship. My ex-wife is a pill addict so I have a bit of an understanding of what you are dealing with.
As to whether it is a good sign that your husband is going to AA, it really depends. My experience is that just one day is not a sign of anything when dealing with this horrid disease. The only good signs are made with time and behavior. If my wife had gone to AA for a long time and her behavior had remained good during that time then it would have been a good sign.
I think what matters most is how _you_ feel about his behavior. How _you_ feel about the way he treats you, whether he follows thru on promises, is respectful, takes care of his responsibilites. Those are questions that cannot be answered in just one day, they come with time.
Have you been to a support group for _you_? Like al-anon, or Celebrate Recovery? I found them to be wonderfuly supportive for me. Being able to talk to other people who were dealing with the same issues I had was wonderful.
There will be other folks here shortly who will give you their own experience. I hope we can be helpful to you in some way.
Welcome again, I'm sorry you have a need for us, but I am glad you decided to join us.
Mike
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Tomasia, and Welcome!
You have found a great place for support and information. I hope you will make yourself at home and read all you can. There is some great information in the "stickies" at the top of each forum, too.
You are among people who understand!
You have found a great place for support and information. I hope you will make yourself at home and read all you can. There is some great information in the "stickies" at the top of each forum, too.
You are among people who understand!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to SR, Tomasia.
I think an even better sign would be for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings, especially since he is trying AA. It will help you understand the program and have a place to go be with people face to face, who understand your situation without having to say a word about it.
Not that this forum isn't a wonderful place, but Al-Anon is fantastic as far as working recovery programs together. He may even find great encouragement in you going, who knows?
In the meantime, keep reading and keep coming back!
~T
I think an even better sign would be for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings, especially since he is trying AA. It will help you understand the program and have a place to go be with people face to face, who understand your situation without having to say a word about it.
Not that this forum isn't a wonderful place, but Al-Anon is fantastic as far as working recovery programs together. He may even find great encouragement in you going, who knows?
In the meantime, keep reading and keep coming back!
~T
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
welcome. it must be hard to have had time with your h sober and then live with an active alcoholic for the past few years.
i think it's a good thing that when he drank he called his sponsor and went to a meeting. that's certainly better than having a slip turn into a bender, but only time will tell if he's invested in his program and getting sober.
how are you doing? do you have a sponsor through al anon or a support system for you?
i think it's a good thing that when he drank he called his sponsor and went to a meeting. that's certainly better than having a slip turn into a bender, but only time will tell if he's invested in his program and getting sober.
how are you doing? do you have a sponsor through al anon or a support system for you?
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