One Kid's Journey (intro)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 6
One Kid's Journey (intro)
Hi all,
Just joined today and thought I'd start out by explaining how I got here. I had my first drink when I was 16 the summer between my sophomore and junior in high school. I literally remember the thoughts running through my head the first time I got 4-5 in me being "No wonder people drink! This is awesome! I'm going to do this as often as possible." I also remember thinking "I could totally drive right now." Not a good start.
Throughout junior year my drinking was very irregular. Only on weekends when we could get our hands on it, which wasn't that often. I also wasn't drinking that high of a quantity of it, cause I couldn't stomach much of the stuff yet. That changed the next summer when we drove to NYC to get fake IDs. That summer we drank very regularly, and I started abusing the stuff pretty hard. By the time senior year started I had a reputation as the drunk kid and a DUI on my record. Over senior year I became depressed over a girl and started really getting bad. Stealing enough of my parent's wine to black out regularly if I couldn't get any myself. That summer was another binge fest. Since I didn't have a license my brother always had to drive so I never had to DD (whopee, right?).
Freshman year of college I went to school at Ohio University, and spent two years there. I still believe these were the happiest times of my life, but my drinking didn't slow down. Before long I was the blackout/passout king of my fraternity, something I'm no longer proud of and can't understand why I ever was. After two years after three public intoxes I got kicked out. I was devastated and felt like I was losing my family (all the new friends I had made). I then had to transfer to a very small school back in Massachusetts. I hated it, and dealt with my boredom by drinking more and more frequently. I also turned 21 that December, which transformed the problem into a much bigger deal.
By my third year at my new school, I was drinking nearly every day. I crashed cars in both the summers of 2009 and 2010, though thankfully wasn't hurt or caught by police (able to drive home both times in wrecked cars, scary I know). My last year here I've also had trouble not drinking every night. I try to throw in a sober night once a week, and two in a row is a cause for big celebration, but that hasn't been happening often.
Despite all of this, I'm graduating in two weeks, and headed to grad school in the fall. My goal is to stop drinking after graduation and stay sober for the entire summer until I leave for grad school, clear my head, and see where I'm at. I do feel like I've taken steps towards forgiving myself, and feel self-loathing is at the core of my problem.
I am in the middle of a weaning process, as I didn't want to end up on a bender from now til graduation. It has been 39 hours since my last binge ended and 15 hours since my last drink (had two but only two stiff drinks last night). I feel a little shaky and sweaty still, but much better than yesterday before my ween cocktails. I may allow myself one tonight if I feel particularly terrible.
Anyway, wonderful to meet you all, seems like a great community and look forward to posting more in the future. (sorry this was so long, thanks for reading)
Just joined today and thought I'd start out by explaining how I got here. I had my first drink when I was 16 the summer between my sophomore and junior in high school. I literally remember the thoughts running through my head the first time I got 4-5 in me being "No wonder people drink! This is awesome! I'm going to do this as often as possible." I also remember thinking "I could totally drive right now." Not a good start.
Throughout junior year my drinking was very irregular. Only on weekends when we could get our hands on it, which wasn't that often. I also wasn't drinking that high of a quantity of it, cause I couldn't stomach much of the stuff yet. That changed the next summer when we drove to NYC to get fake IDs. That summer we drank very regularly, and I started abusing the stuff pretty hard. By the time senior year started I had a reputation as the drunk kid and a DUI on my record. Over senior year I became depressed over a girl and started really getting bad. Stealing enough of my parent's wine to black out regularly if I couldn't get any myself. That summer was another binge fest. Since I didn't have a license my brother always had to drive so I never had to DD (whopee, right?).
Freshman year of college I went to school at Ohio University, and spent two years there. I still believe these were the happiest times of my life, but my drinking didn't slow down. Before long I was the blackout/passout king of my fraternity, something I'm no longer proud of and can't understand why I ever was. After two years after three public intoxes I got kicked out. I was devastated and felt like I was losing my family (all the new friends I had made). I then had to transfer to a very small school back in Massachusetts. I hated it, and dealt with my boredom by drinking more and more frequently. I also turned 21 that December, which transformed the problem into a much bigger deal.
By my third year at my new school, I was drinking nearly every day. I crashed cars in both the summers of 2009 and 2010, though thankfully wasn't hurt or caught by police (able to drive home both times in wrecked cars, scary I know). My last year here I've also had trouble not drinking every night. I try to throw in a sober night once a week, and two in a row is a cause for big celebration, but that hasn't been happening often.
Despite all of this, I'm graduating in two weeks, and headed to grad school in the fall. My goal is to stop drinking after graduation and stay sober for the entire summer until I leave for grad school, clear my head, and see where I'm at. I do feel like I've taken steps towards forgiving myself, and feel self-loathing is at the core of my problem.
I am in the middle of a weaning process, as I didn't want to end up on a bender from now til graduation. It has been 39 hours since my last binge ended and 15 hours since my last drink (had two but only two stiff drinks last night). I feel a little shaky and sweaty still, but much better than yesterday before my ween cocktails. I may allow myself one tonight if I feel particularly terrible.
Anyway, wonderful to meet you all, seems like a great community and look forward to posting more in the future. (sorry this was so long, thanks for reading)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Welcome kid,
this is a great place. glad you found it.
you have your whole life ahead of you. it is a great time to start over, and stop hurting yourself, and those who love you.
I am glad that you have forgiven yourself. Alcohol makes us do some stupid things, much against our will, and it will rob you of your life if you give it a chance.
wishing you the very best. you are in good company here
this is a great place. glad you found it.
you have your whole life ahead of you. it is a great time to start over, and stop hurting yourself, and those who love you.
I am glad that you have forgiven yourself. Alcohol makes us do some stupid things, much against our will, and it will rob you of your life if you give it a chance.
wishing you the very best. you are in good company here
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR!
Your story reads a lot like mine. I'm guessing you must be around 22? If so don't make the same mistake I did by wasting the next 3 years of your life. Time to get better now.
Good luck on your sobriety
Your story reads a lot like mine. I'm guessing you must be around 22? If so don't make the same mistake I did by wasting the next 3 years of your life. Time to get better now.
Good luck on your sobriety
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome kidwandering-
Congratulations on your graduation - It sounds like you have plans for your life, a very good reason to stop drinking! The support here has really helped me and I'm sure you'll find it to be true for you, too.
Congratulations on your graduation - It sounds like you have plans for your life, a very good reason to stop drinking! The support here has really helped me and I'm sure you'll find it to be true for you, too.
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