Am I Being an Enabler
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 8
Am I Being an Enabler
I'd really like to get some outside input on this, because I've thought about it, and I'm not sure what the answer is.
My husband is an active alcoholic, and we both like to play poker. There is a bar by our house that has poker once a week, I like to go an play, he likes to play, but it is also an excuse to drink for him. We have one car, so driving seperate is not an option. So here is my question, am I enabling him by going wtih him? Should I give up something I enjoy so that I don't have to be around him when he drinks?
I appreciate your objective opinions.
My husband is an active alcoholic, and we both like to play poker. There is a bar by our house that has poker once a week, I like to go an play, he likes to play, but it is also an excuse to drink for him. We have one car, so driving seperate is not an option. So here is my question, am I enabling him by going wtih him? Should I give up something I enjoy so that I don't have to be around him when he drinks?
I appreciate your objective opinions.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
IMHO, I don't think its enabling when you are going for you. I think the fine line is if you were going to keep him from drinking, or drinking too much, etc. Going for him.
But...if you don't like to be around him when he is drinking, maybe find a new place to play poker? Because then that becomes entirely your choice and within your power to change.
But...if you don't like to be around him when he is drinking, maybe find a new place to play poker? Because then that becomes entirely your choice and within your power to change.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38
My AH and I used to go occassionally to the casino to play spanish 21 or the slots. He has had a number of relapses and they usually happen after he does something that used to include drinking, like the casino or when he goes to his mothers (basically his old bar). Another place of issue is a few restaurants we used to go to and we would have drinks with dinner.
I have never had an issue with drinking, I can take it or leave it, but because he does, I no longer go anywhere with him where "we" used to have drinks or anyplace that fun & drink went together. We have found other things that we both can do now.
I know that the addiction is HIS problem but I don't feel comfortable going someplace with him where I know it's hard for him to not want to drink and if he is going to drink I will not give him the ability to attach any blame to me.
Bascially it was a lifestyle change for me and if I really want to go to the casino, I go with my sister now. So now I go less often to the casino, but I am saving money and to tell you the truth, I really don't miss it.
I have never had an issue with drinking, I can take it or leave it, but because he does, I no longer go anywhere with him where "we" used to have drinks or anyplace that fun & drink went together. We have found other things that we both can do now.
I know that the addiction is HIS problem but I don't feel comfortable going someplace with him where I know it's hard for him to not want to drink and if he is going to drink I will not give him the ability to attach any blame to me.
Bascially it was a lifestyle change for me and if I really want to go to the casino, I go with my sister now. So now I go less often to the casino, but I am saving money and to tell you the truth, I really don't miss it.
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