zanzibar

I know for most people this is a simple chore. I own what once was a beautiful 1 1/2 acrea lot that now looks like something that I don't want to describe. There are apple trees that only produce wormy apples, fruit bushes that are grown over, and a nice BBQ area that you'd need a bulldozer to gain access to. All left over from better times. Every spring I look out the window and tell myself this year I'm going to cut it all back and get it looking nice again. But every year the snow falls on a yard that looks worse than it did in the spring. I'd like to put a garden in this year but I know I won't. I'll somehow find an excuse as to why I can't. I've always been the kind of person who enjoyed doing stuff for other people, but since I no longer have anyone to do it for I don't do much. When I do start I really enjoy it but it's always short lived. My dogs are taken care of immaculitely cause I'm doing it for them, but stuff for me not so much. Anybody have ideas to make more excuses to do it, cause I've got making excuses not to do it down pat.

zanzibar

I should have mentioned I'm a recovering alcoholic struggling with PTSD, and Chronic Depression. I'm not some idiot that just doesn't want to take care of his property. I'm some idiot that has trouble starting almost everything.

Threshold

Well, it could be just another manifestation of depression, or it could be that as we age, our priorities, interests and energies change. Maybe the yard isn't as interesting or as much a priority to you as it once was, and with limited energy, it's not what you are going to use up your energy on.

Sometimes we phase out of a stage, and we can't work up the interest to fish, run, paint, work 70 hrs etc...the way we once did. That's not always depression, some of it is just aging. And sometimes part of our depression stems from these changes and us feeling lost, bad, shamed or like failures because we don't still do that thing that was once part of our identity.

So, maybe the fact that you aren't out there mowing is a huge red flag of depression. Or maybe it's just a wake up call that you don't want to spend huge chunks of time and energy doing yard work.

I was a teacher for a long time. I loved teaching. People ask me all the time why I don't go back to it, and the reason is that I don't care to put the time and energy into it anymore.

It's not depression so much as "been there done that".

that being said I DO have depression issues, but it helps me to tease out what's a symptom and what's just me moving on.

zanzibar

I just got a message from a visitor that left me almost unable to breathe due to an anxiety attack. I go to war and get screwed up in the head. Come back home a broken drunk. Lose my wife to alcohol posoning. When I finally find something relaxing to do when I'm drugged to the point I can't even ride my bike. When I become mentally incapable to this as well, then look for help to get it back. After all that I get a message like that from someone who obviously really appreciates what there veterans do for them. I've put in a request to cancell my membership here, and wish to thank everyone who tried to help me. God bless, but I can't have to protect myself as I can't take too many hits like that. Thank you again. I really hate to leave.

Seren

Hello zanzibar,

I'm really sorry that a visitor message someone posted to you upset you so much. If you would like for me to have it removed, I wil be happy to do so--just let me know.

I hope that things will improve for you very soon!

Mr. HG and I own a lovely piece of property...and it, too, is somewhat overgrown and neglected right now. I know it's a shame, but someday we will have time and energy again to take proper care of it.

I'm more concerned about you taking proper care of you. If you can't ride your bike right now, can you go for long walks with your dogs? Anything to get out of house and into the fresh air.

If you are still reading, just let me know what you would like for me to do about that visitor message.

You will be in my prayers. HG

gunther84

I hope you dont leave zanzibar. Pee on that fool who likes to sit in their dark room spewing hate. They are not even half the person you are.

Threshold

I'm sorry zanzibar. Your contributions here and as a vet, and as a member of your real time community are valuable and appreciated.

I truly hope you stay, for our benefit as well as for your own, meaning, I hope there is enough good support here that helps you...to overcome the barbs of hurtful fools.

You can disable private messaging, if that is the source of the hurt.

I am so sorry you had this experience.

another thought, mowing the lawn was a victory, so is your taking the time, and pushing through some of your pain to post about what happened that hurt you. In spite of everything, you are moving forward, and dealing with things that are very difficult.

Standing up for yourself is a great and powerful step.