DarkDays

Hi all, do not normally start threads. 114 days sober today, just spoke to my brother on phone and he was quite dismissive of me being sober questioning how I was going to enjoy holidays, occasions etc and telling me i am being a bit extreme in being totally sober ! I was a bit taken back, and really kind of lost for words, I know what I wanted to say but he would NEVER understand the concept or what I was getting at, I just said to him if you wanna drink drink if you dont wanna drink dont drink ! But it has brought on very strong cravings , I mean real strong all over a phone call, thoughts and romantic thoughts are flooding in all about alcohol, in fact a barrage of thoughts ffs. I have people coming over tonight, I really must get focused and grind this out.

Thanks for listening.

Veritas1

His opinion has only the weight that you give it.

What's your truth with drinking?

It's between you and God.

The rest is drama.

You can have a different reaction to this. It doesn't have to bother you.

How could he possibly understand? Forgive him, and realize our minds are looking for something to be wrong to drink.




Be encouraged.

Sapling

Why would you blow 114 days of hard work because of what your brother says? I have a brother that says that kind of stuff to me because he can't stop on his own. He tries every year...No success. But he won't go to AA...Yet. Let your brother worry about his problems...You just keep doing what you are doing. Remember the reasons why you stopped to begin with.

DisplacedGRITS

Don't let his phone call derail you and give you an excuse. At 114 days, you've obviously been through some holidays sober so why should his comments have any effect on you?

DarkDays

Its the first time Since stopping I have really been questioned and had a barrage of scenarios put to me so quickly, just needed to express it somewhere, thanks It will pass.

Sapling

I hope so. Does your brother have a drinking problem?

Jeni26

I find people who are unsupportive or dismissive are usually in denial about their own issues?

Keep strong, remember the reasons that brought you here in the first place.

Jen xx

debsam

Darkdays, I posted this last November.

This resonated very much with you. Still does for me today.

WE don't won't to go back there my friend.

I get being pissed off with your brother. Feel it and then let it go. You've got bigger plans for yourself. This battles too hard fought...and you are winning it.

Big hugs

TimeToGetALife

Don't let it ruin an evening that was no doubt planned and that you were looking forward to before the phone call. Maybe your brother was testing you, or maybe he does have issues of his own and was looking for answers.. whatever his reasons they have nothing to do with how you have chosen to live your life... forget the phone call and have a lovely evening x

Purplecatlover

The Beast will team up w/ your brothers Beast & try to undermine you.
It is in RR, not sure if you've got there yet.
You know the answers to these questions. Do not let your brothers doubts cause you to doubt. You know why you quit & it's nobody's d@mn business why you choose not to.
You don't have to explain anything to anybody.
He can't make you do anything.
Stay strong friend.
Have a nice sober evening w/ your friends.
The more scenarios we get thru successfully, the stronger we become.
I have complete faith in you, brother.
Go kick some Beast a$$!

Sapling

Thank God I don't have that to worry about.

DarkDays

Thanks all, so great to get some quick response. thanks thanks and thanks !

Elphaba

That's the beauty of it all, there is nothing to worry about. The beast is powerless.

england

114 days is amazing - please dont let your brother's phone call make you drink. You have made a positive change for the better and there is no point in going backwards.

Good to see a fellow Londoner on here

wellwisher

I remember all the people in my life who doubted me on so many different levels when I stopped drinking; from drinking buddies who thought I was over-reacting about my "problem", to those who doubted me when I said I quit when they knew I should be quitting. I made a lot of promises about quitting, but failed to deliver for years. (Actually, said anything that would get my fat out of the fire on more than one occassion).

In thinking back to that time, those types of "talks" like you had with your brother would stir up a lot of fear in me. My innermost thoughts would almost mirror the words spoken by others - what if they were right?

On one hand, I was feeling pretty damn good that my body was physically feeling better, that I could wake up in the morning without trying to reach into the recesses of my mind to figure out the night before, and had no new shame piling up in my stockpile of "stupid things I did while drunk". I personally dealt with a lot of shame for what I did while drinking, and I spent a lot of time trying to get out of that "what others are thinking of me" type of thinking.

I love the saying, "What anyone else thinks about me is none of my business". I don't spend much time in anyone else's head anymore. His opinion is his opinion; you know you are moving ahead. I think it is great that debsam re-posted one of your previous posts. That's what's important here.

I know you didn't bring it up here, but I'll mention it anyway. I also had a lot of people who were happy about my quitting, but loved to throw in the "Remember the time when you...." and my stomach would just clutch with anxiety, because I really didn't want to remember that. A wise little guy told me to answer with, "Thanks for reminding me, but I don't do that anymore". I've used that as a response on many occassions, and it has helped to move the conversation on to more positive things.

Keep going; one foot in front of the other! You can do this.

eJoshua

Funny how other people try to rationalize for us, Don't listen to him, he just probably doesn't understand it. For people that drank like we did the only level of intake that we can cope with is none. It isn't a question of "enjoying" holidays, or anything else, it's a question of avoiding something that is completely destructive for us. Don't listen to him and trust your gut. I'm sure he loves you and means well, but he has no idea what he's talking about.

Stay strong!

DarkDays

Had a great Evening two large bottles of Badoit sparkling water drank by me, never going back to that destructive cycle , your responses have really helped me thanks .

Sapling

So am I.

nonblondechef

(((((DarkDays))))) I'm so proud of you I could burst! T

zanzibar

The mind can be tricky. Such as taking a phone call and trying to turn it into an excuse to drink. Don't give into it.