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Is anyone else not triggered by social drinking?

Old 05-04-2012, 03:32 PM
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Is anyone else not triggered by social drinking?

I've been reading through the posts in this forum, and I see that a lot of us are triggered by social events where alcohol is offered. I feel like an oddity, in that I never (ever, ever) drink in public. My family, friends, and even my boyfriend (!) would call me a teetotaler. I'll have a few sips of a drink in public, just to be social, but I never feel the impetus to drink a lot. I almost don't even want any alcohol when other people are around.

However, in private, I can drink a pint or two of whiskey in a couple of hours. No problem. I just won't leave the house or call anyone.

In some ways, I feel like this is worse than being a party-type drinker, because everyone thinks I'm this goody-goody "perfect" person who has her life in complete order.

My boyfriend just cancelled our plans for tonight, since he had a super long bike ride. (He's a professional cyclist.) If we'd gone out--even if he'd ordered drinks--I know I would have been fine. But now I'm alone, and I've been contemplating the idea of getting just a bit of alcohol tonight. Maybe I'll hide my car keys...

Is anyone else a "private drinker"? Seriously, social drinking does nothing for me. No triggers, no pleasure, no anything.
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:39 PM
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well I *becam*e a private drinker....that way I didn't have to explain myself to anyone, if anything embarrassing happened, it was only me there...

I grew to really enjoy drinking alone - I certainly preferred it - which kinda makes me feel a bit sick typing that now...

D
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:45 PM
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I was definitely a private drinker. I still drank in public but not a lot, not for years anyway. I think I was scared that people would notice I drank too much so I kept it to a minimum til I got home. In fact my stepdad's disbelief that I have a problem was based on the fact that I drank slower than him. In some ways it made it harder to stop and stay that way but seeing as we're supposed to get sober for ourselves being alone and sober has got to happen sometime.

I hope you stay strong Chuck x
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:46 PM
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My last couple years I drank in isolation...Very dark place to be. I think I was losing my mind, which scared me more than dying. I'd recommend looking into getting some face to face support as well as using this site to get a handle on that. I don't think it's a good place to be. You can get better and you don't need to do that alone.
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:46 PM
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Well, in most social situations it's pretty difficult to kill a couple pints of whiskey in as many hours.

That's why I preferred drinking in private...it was the only way this alcoholic could do a right and proper job of it.
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:49 PM
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Thanks, Dee--I always appreciate your responses. They really resonate with me, as they're the perfect combination of rational + reality.

My boyfriend--who has talked about proposing to me--has no idea that I even drink. He honestly thinks that I've had a drink or two in my entire life. Part of me is so ashamed and part of me is so happy that I've hidden this. He loves me as a person for whom I am not.

I'm still sober. Let's keep it that way...
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:49 PM
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I was just like that.... not always, years ago I was a social drinker then my drinking got to where I would just drink at home with just my husband or by myself... probably like that the last 6 years. So alot of people had know idea how much I drank and smoked cigarettes. My mom called it a closet drinker...lol.. whatever that meant, who am I fooling..I know what she meant. Try to keep yourself busy and hopefully that will help your cravings. I know when I hang out on SR it helps.
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Old 05-04-2012, 03:55 PM
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Gosh, even more responses. I didn't think I'd get any.

I'm happy to know that someone (or someones) understand me. I'm glad that all of you are also maintaining your sobriety. It makes me think it's possible for me too. Thank you, thank you. I don't want to be drunk anymore. Drinking alone is a very, very dark place to be. I drank to feel less alienated, but after an hour or so, I'd feel like the most lonely person on earth.

Fortunately, my boyfriend seems to innately understand that I have deeper issues, and he has been there for me 100%. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever tell him about my alcohol struggles. He thinks of me as model Ph.D. (I've served--and completed--both titles.)
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Old 05-04-2012, 04:00 PM
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I heard a guy say in a meeting one time...That alcoholics are the only people that cure lonliness with isolation....I just had to shake my head.
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Old 05-04-2012, 04:06 PM
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I understand......when others drink it does NOTHING for or to me. I've told my wife that when she drinks (1 drink 3 or 4 nites a week) it doesn't bother me in the least.

Partys.....no big deal.

Drinking is something I do WHEN I want to...which is usually before I prepare dinner on my days off and AFTER work on my days of labor. Thats it. But its every single day.
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Old 05-04-2012, 04:32 PM
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I was both -- although I'm not a terribly social guy I would go get lit up at the bar every now and then, often ending poorly (puking in the alley, ER, etc.) Most of the time, and especially near the end, I was a private drinker though. I would go to bars on Sundays when I ran out of booze (liquor stores here are closed on Sundays), but other than that I would sit in my room and drink. I lived with a couple other guys and I didn't even hang out with them, I just sat in my room.

I relapsed a number of times when I first tried to get sober and didn't tell anyone, so I would inevitably end up hiding away drinking by myself without anyone the wiser, until I finally just stopped caring what other people thought and quit hiding from anyone. I started to get suicidal near the end as well, I just really didn't care about the future.

So I guess I've been on all sides of the spectrum, but I was most consistently and regularly a private drinker. Social drinking did trigger me a bit when I first got sober. As a result I just tended to avoid social events where alcohol was around.

Now I don't worry about it too much at all. I could go to a bar with friends who are drinking and I wouldn't be phased. However, I don't really have any interest in hanging out with drinkers any more, since being the only sober guy in a group of drunks is terribly boring. I probably still wouldn't bother being around it though, even though I feel secure in my sobriety there just isn't any good reason for me to hang out with drinkers.
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Old 05-04-2012, 05:03 PM
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Yes, I did all my drinking at home by myself. What a miserable existance it was, now that I look back. So glad I'm not doing that to myself anymore.
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Old 05-04-2012, 05:14 PM
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I am with you 100%! I too was never a social drinker (oh, one exception: I would drink BEFORE a party so I could be social, but drank very little once there). I was a private drinker in my own little world. Not a bar woman, not loud, not out there wild--just far far away from myself and everyone, in a place of peace and euphoria where I suddenly came alive, where my creativity soared, and all my problems went away.... until the morning! so, NO I am not affected by social drinkers. Remember that though we're all the same as far as our powerlessness over alcohol goes, we are also all different.

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Old 05-04-2012, 06:04 PM
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You alienated yourself to drink to feel less alienated.

Are you considering a program of recovery to help you through all of this?
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Old 05-04-2012, 08:16 PM
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Chuck

So far as I've ever seen, we all have our own little tricks to handle, hide, deal with our drinking. Some only drink at home, others only drink "out," for some it's only beer, for others, just wine. The list of "techniques" to try to drink successfully could probably be expanded for many pages here.

Eventually, you either tone it down or the consequences begin. For me, they were legal and emotional. The legal stuff was bad enough, but worse was how I felt about myself. I really started to hate myself. When your drinking and your lifestyle becomes something that you don't agree with any longer.....many people straighten themselves out. I wasn't able to do that. I mean, I thought I should be able to pull it off.....I wanted to.....but I couldn't seem to make it happen in reality.

AA was a massively big help in that regard.
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Old 05-05-2012, 05:19 AM
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Most of my " proper" drinking was done alone in the darkest of night, social occasions have been pretty easy for me so far in fact I have strangely really enjoyed them, maybe it's because iam new at this still and feel empowered or smug or something who knows
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Old 05-05-2012, 05:23 AM
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I really appreciate all the insightful responses. I'm not seeing a therapist, because I know what issues underlie my alcoholism. (In addition, I'd lose my job.) However, it's always good to get input from others who have been where I've been.

I guess I just don't like being around me. It's too bad, since I'm always around.

Thanks again for the feedback. I'll be thinking about all of your comments today.
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