AnyDay

Hi everyone,

I am a professional person, I make a great living and my wife makes just as much. We have it all really. There is nothing I can complain about in anyway whatsoever.
Life is great right? But it ain't.

I joined this forum 2 years ago. I never posted a single post. Why? Because after reading a lot of posts on here I was embarrassed at myself for even thinking I had RIGHT to post here.

Seems that many good people have real reasons for their drinking. Horrible, sometimes aweful reasons. Me? I have no reasons, except to say I'm bored.

To me that's terrible.
I feel like an ungrateful ********.

But...I drink 6-15 beers everyday. Not much I know. but that's not all. I also have an addiction to Tylenol with codeine.
My problem is that for 3 years now 6-15 beers plus 3 Tylenols every 3 hours is really causing my body and mind to disintegrate.

Do I know its bad for my liver to combine these two? Yup. Liver failure anytime.

Can I stop? nope. I can't.

I have programmed my life around these 2 addictions and I can't seem to escape my own programming.

For example,
When at work in the morning I'm fine. Once noon rolls around I have finished everything I had to do that day (With maximum effort...start early...skip lunch) and am bored out of my mind so I leave and begin beer #1.
I promise myself I'll go back to work after a couple.
Um...nope. On to beer # 4 and a shot of codeine.
Once that kicks in, I'm so wired. Seems like I just got a million fold worth of energy and a home renovation is not out the question.
Once I begin a "drunk" project the beers blur.
Do i finish the projects? Yea I do.
Sometimes at 2 in the morning. Then I remember I have to eat.
Then get up for work a few hours later.....blah.

This week I tried to cut back. I did ok for 3 days.
I forced myself to watch boring tv shows all night.
Now its friday and I missed the adrenalin rush and false energy beer and Tylenol give me and I'm right back at it.
Thats why this post is getting to be long.

I love to be hyper. I love the feeling of energy and motivation and FUN that I get from these two.

Without them, I feel like a turtle who's been flipped on its shell and can't move.

Problem is that now that i'm 41 years old my body is not keeping up with the brain.
How the hell am I gonna escape before my body says its done?
How does one learn to appreciate the boring?

I miss my old life. The life when I played in front of thousands of people in a band. The life when a 9-5 job was absurd. I didn't even drink then.
I hated alcohol ....I have nasty "Asian flush" type thing going on even though i'm not Asian. Sometimes after one beer my face breaks out I can't breath and i get this taste and odor from myself that's awful.
I've learned that I can drink through that. Not that its healthy..mind you.

Back then I had less "Stuff" and less "Money" yes, but it was so much more fulfilling.

I just don't know how i'm gonna live my life at that lower energy.

What is gonna compare?

I can't exactly skydive everyday.....

Anyone else feel like this?

Bored3

Hi Anyday, thanks for feeling free enough to post these things.

I empathise with what you're saying. I, personally, do not have a great job or lots of money, but I have my health, I have a roof over my head and often feel I have no right to complain. I also do not have any dark demons, had a great childhood and have never really wanted for anything non-superficial.

But I drank. A lot. Boredom is something that I used to think of a lot, perhaps it's boredom of the same routine, it's maybe filling a void in your life? I used to think that when I drank, I was drunk, and it was a buzz nothing else could give me. I was out of it, at least temporarily. In the end I realised that I was missing out on so much, and for nothing more than a feeling.

The only advice I can give you primarily is to see a doctor and be honest. It's an obvious one, but it will help you mentally so much.

sousvide

Yeah, me...........not as early as you, but that buzzed feeling has gotten to be part of my life. It signifies to ME, that work is done for the day, time to relax.

Except I used to work waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more, so my first of the day would be around 9 or 10 pm. I just worked so friggen hard for so many friggen years, that booze became my reward to a good days work.....cause the reward DEFINATELY didn't come in the form of cash or verbal appreciation.

ANd now, I guess Im hooked.

I DO have a question though.....Just HOW do you get ENERGIZED by a combo of narcotic and alcohol?? I ask, because I had my period of narcotic use also. And, by itself, yeah, you get a GREAT feeling of wellbeing and energy...but MIX with alcohol....and it is TV city......I am puzzled.

Im sorry, I know so little at this point about this stuff that I can't give advice, I can only converse and exchange stories or ideas, again....sorry. But, your story sounds like mine, so I thought I would check in.

I wish both of us luck.

AnyDay

Thanks Bored3,

Let me be clear, I don't have millions or anything....I just (at the moment) don't have to wonder about next month. However layoffs are coming so who knows. One more thing to add to my daily worries.

Your right in your post. Boredom of the same routine. Boredom of life. Just blah.
I drink and take my drugs because.....things that are normally boring become interesting. I guess that's the reason.

On a sober day, fixing the deck is a nightmare. On a drunk day, its an adventure!
I'll fix that and ask for more! What else needs fixing or attending to!

As for Dr.'s yup. I've been to many but they seem to not be interested in listening. YOU HAVE TO QUIT is what they say. Well no ****.

Bored3

So, so true. I remember somebody once saying they got drunk to go to the library because it made it more interesting, that's what happens. It's not really until you get sober that these feelings go away, I think. I've been sober in the past and relapsed many times, I'm maybe not the best person to ask as there are people far more experienced here than me, but I know where you're at. It's so easy to silence the voices for a night. Like they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.

I'm not trying to patronise you, it's just that there isn't much I can say that you haven't heard before. How does your family feel about your drinking/drugging, if indeed they know?

doggonecarl

How are you going to live your life if you don't quit? Sounds like it can get a lot worse.

Maybe I read your post wrong, but got the impression that you are talking about the last three years. That's not a big chunk of your life. So your life will go back to the way it was before you had the drug and alcohol problem.

And if you engage in a solid recovery program, I'd guess your life will probably be better than before.

Soberween

I don't mean to scare you and you say your are already aware, but drinking and taking tylenol (acetomenophen) WILL cause severe liver damage. I'm talking quickly. For some people it can happen after one interaction. Please read: The Straight Dope: Does Tylenol + alcohol = liver failure? Plus: Is the CN Tower the tallest building?

AnyDay

Well sousvide,

I don't know why the combo of beer/narc does that to me.
In Canada we can buy Tylenol/with codeine easily without a script.
So maybe the low dosage of it keeps me from being a zombie. I dunno.

All I know is that it pumps me up.

Stupid yes, but I can't help it right now.

My Wife is playing leavin songs as we speak.....****

Kasserine

Anyday:

I am in the same boat as you. I have been drinking 3 beers every day at the end of he day with 100MG of codeine. I am having a really hard time giving these up. I am skipping days. When I do this, the first day is very easy. The second day however, I get jittery and anxious, and look forward to the end of the day.

I have been abstaining for 3 days out of the week. Next week I am going to go for 4.

I am trying to moderate the us, but everybody tells me it will not work.

Sapling

That's a pretty good chunk of drinking right there...Codeine or not...I know...I used to drink that much. It wasn't long before that was a light day.....This disease is progressive....I'd say you have more than enough reasons to give it up....Find a recovery program and get into it....Drinking doesn't get better with time.

sousvide

Well....I know what you are going through.........I had to deal with opiate addiction before the booze too.

Dee74

Hi AnyDay

It's tough to quit when you think alcohol and whatever else is adding to your life.
I really encourage you to question that.

Whatever benefit you feel you're getting from drinking and codeine is not going to last anyway....addictions do progress, and minds and bodies do break down.

Lifes not an endless adrenaline rush - and there's a reason for that - our minds and bodies can't take it. None of us are 18 anymore, or made of titanium...

There is life after drink and drugs tho - & you'll find hundreds of examples here.

I found out I'm not actually the party animal or adrenaline junkie I convinced myself I was...but I guess it was less scary to live the party central life for a lot of years...I was running away from several things.

My life is a lot quieter now, but it's incredibly more fulfilling - and it's authentic. I'm authentic.

I'm happy for the first time in my adult life.

But I had to get over the fear of change to get here.

D

instant

One day a hare next day a turtle. Your body may ultimately decide for you.

If you decide to change you will need to go through that turtle feeling for a while, may be for a good while. But over time I suspect you may discover this is no ordinary turtle.

least

I can't add much to what's already been said. You know that your habit is going to catch up with you and bring you down but you're having trouble with the idea of stopping, much less the actual sobering up.

I too would urge you to get into some sort of recovery program before you're in the hospital with tubes running into you, or worse, six feet under.

MWarren

Perhaps this will be unpopular but it's obvious that you're aware you have a problem and you have the means... seems you can pick and choose a good rehab. And if you are bored, if you are looking for something to get jazzed about, and you get your work done by lunch. Are you living up to your potential? Money is a terrible way to measure ones success in life.

I don't mean to sound unsupportive, I feel for you, but like everyone here, getting here means being brutally honest with ourselves. Leading an authentic life takes tremendous courage.

MWarren

Go to youtube and watch each of the ten shows in the series "Rain in my Heart"

dotherightthing

Seconding those who say you need to get checked out by a doctor. Don't waste your time by lying about how much you're drinking like I did; it's just a time-suck and your doctor ends up (justifiably) annoyed with you.

It's sort of strange that alcohol and codeine would give you a buzz, since they're both depressants. Depressants also dull the senses, so any extra entertainment you're getting fixing stuff around the house is coming solely from the stupefying effects of the drugs. In other words, it's more fun to fix a deck when you're drunk because you're really terrible at it.

Finally, I do have one tip for alleviating the drudgery of day to day life. Since I got sober, I've taken up meditation, and it's helped me discover that the world was interesting this whole time, had I only bothered to look around. I'm not too cool to appreciate a nice breeze or the smell of dinner cooking. I've discovered that I'm really terrible at yoga and sketching, but I just laugh it off and keep trying. My dog gets extra walks for no reason sometimes. I eat three healthy meals a day, prepared with care in my own kitchen. I'm broke and jobless, but not hopeless or unhappy. All in all, I'd say I've got it pretty good.

midgetcop

Hi AnyDay,

There's lots of good responses and there's not too much I can add. One thing I can assure you of, is that everyday life drudgery will not always feel that way after you spend some time sober. I wasn't on pills, but I was a beer drinker and I always needed to drink while taking on any projects around the house. Whether it was cleaning, repairing something, working on my motorcycle....you name it, I wouldn't do it unless I was drinking. It made the chore more interesting, more tolerable, and without booze I simply had no motivation. The silly thing was, is that I'd usually flub something up royally after getting into my 5th+ drink, or not remembering exactly what I did the next day.

Now I take on these things sober and I don't need booze. Heck, I don't want it, I do a better job without it. I find myself taking an active interest in the everyday mundane with more interest and patience, and truth be told, a lot more gets done in my life.

Just food for thought if you're worried that sober life will keep you from doing these things.

Fandy

"I have nasty "Asian flush" type thing going on even though i'm not Asian. Sometimes after one beer my face breaks out I can't breath and i get this taste and odor from myself that's awful.
I've learned that I can drink through that. Not that its healthy..mind you".

your body is telling you something....go to a doctor and get a full work-up. it may ultimately be your wake-up call. You won't be so bored if you realize your liver is deteriorating.

I am shaking my head at your boredom, but i once felt the same way. and it did not get better, it got much worse, so fast i didn't see it coming.

Chuck48

I do know how you feel--and I think that both of us can get back to a place where we feel comfortable. Seriously, our bodies don't need alcohol. In fact, I keep reminding myself that it's a poison. My body doesn't want it, and my mind functions less effectively with it. Like you, I do get the temporary "rush," and I feel very productive. But there's always the slump that hits me afterwards. It's just not worth it in the long run.

I've been ridding myself of some of my unnecessary possessions and obligations. I want a simple and clean life, one that doesn't include alcohol. It sounds like something you'd also like.

Everyone else has given you such great responses, and I don't have novel advice. Just know there's someone out there who feels like you do and who's trying to beat this darn addiction.